so-many-feels-for-my-babies

Dear Mom and Dad; 


I wish I could explain to you all of the things I am going through right now but I can’t. I don’t know how. Talking has never been one of my strong suits especially since I wasn’t really brought up to show emotion or that it was okay to cry. Maybe that is why I am the way that I am. I wasn’t allowed to show any emotion other than happy. I was a cry baby or a wimp or too sensitive. You made me feel ashamed of feeling emotions you made me feel ashamed of crying. I feared being seen as “weak”. I held in so many emotions and feelings over the years that it sometimes just hits me. It hits me so hard and out of no where that I don’t know what do with it. So I just lay there with my heart aching waiting for the pain to stop. Sometimes I wonder if you even notice. Mom when you ask me if I’m okay and I reply with my voice so low and short without even moving too look at you and I say “yes” Why do you believe me? But if you don’t, why don’t you ask whats wrong? And Dad, when my favorite aunt calls from Arizona and I don’t want to talk to her and you tell her ”She doesn’t do much of anything, she just stays in her room” Was that a clue? Is my daughter okay? This hasn’t been the first clue. There have been many signs for both of you and I don’t understand how you don’t see them, I’m your daughter. Or Maybe you’re just choosing not to see them. I love you and I appreciate everything else you’ve done for me but I just don’t understand. I will never let my children feel this way, they deserve to feel like they are worth the entire world.

But don’t worry I am now just starting to let them go. I am finally starting to be okay with being the sensitive or the emotional one out of our family. Im tired of numbing myself and Im also tired of feeling every single emotion at once. One day I will be strong again, and one day I will make you proud again. 

Love, 
your daughter 

I can’t get enough of these rocksonas

I want to sketch other people’s gemsonas so if you have one just send a link my way (we don’t even have to be friends or mutuals I really want to do this) And ALSO if you would be alright with me making an interpretation of what your gemsona would look like fused with mine  then just let me know!! I want to draw these precious rock babies okay? No shame 

LOCO (FEAT. PARK NARAE OF SPICA) – TAKE CARE

Spring, summer, fall and winter pass
Now I finally broke free from my mother’s care
As the years go by, worries surround me
I try to write in my journal but it ends up being a letter of apology

Starting from some point, so naturally
I discovered myself living as I get over you
It was a long but short time and many things changed
You are probably different too

I took out my feelings for you and threw them over the clouds

Now I can pass by your house without feeling anything
Too much time has passed for me to have any lingering attachments

The memories that seemed would never leave is now far away

As you can see, I am doing very well now
How are you doing?

Take care, take care, sometimes I think of you
How about you? I’m not saying I miss you
Baby I’m so good, I’m so good
I am doing well
Baby I’m so good
I’m just curious

From my shy confession
To the many misunderstandings that were never addressed
All of those feelings have gotten buried under new relationships
So I can’t remember them anymore

I don’t long for you but I do feel a bit nostalgic
After you took away my last hope
Your picture that made me want to cry just by looking at it
And other traces of you, don’t even come to my eyes anymore

I took out my feelings for you and threw them over the clouds

Now I can pass by the playground in front of my house without thinking anything
I’m just keeping the memories but time keeps flowing

The memories that seemed would never leave is now far away

The chronic disease called Lingering Attachment that seemed incurable
Now I can laugh about it – how are you doing?

Take care, take care, sometimes I think of you
How about you? I’m not saying I miss you
Baby I’m so good, I’m so good
I am doing well
Baby I’m so good
I’m just curious

We used to dress down and match our footsteps in this town
Now I can’t even find that air
The clothes that you didn’t take with you
Because traces of us still remain, I can’t throw it out

Though I’m curious, I don’t want to become sad
So I pretend to be cool and avoided hearing about you
I still can’t look at your picture properly
I guess I can’t help it

Take care, take care, sometimes I think of you
How about you? I’m not saying I miss you
Baby I’m so good, I’m so good
I am doing well
Baby I’m so good
I’m just curious

credit:Pop!Gasa

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