Okay,so I carry a heavy sadness on my chest. I have felt like my cosplays are bad,everything I say is wrong,and that im a no good person. I have made a lot of people hurt and many have hurt me. I have learned to live with it,but lately it has been keeping me up at night and making me very slugish and lazy. I guess I am depressed but I couldnt tell many people becueas I was affrid of them telling me its in my head or I am just being lazy. I feel very alone and I am so fucking affrid to talk to people,just out of fear of being look down on as a sad sack. I love all my friends and all those who care for me. I also will say now,Im pansexual. Dont like that then please leave. Im so tired of hidding away form the world and my family. This is who I am, and trust me I hate it to. But I just wanted to vent,I get so much hate on tumblr if I do so,I have to much family and people I dont like,and fuck twiter. So thanks for at least reading. #sorry #shutup #selfhate

anonymous asked:

*The moment you step inside a giant spider a little bigger than you comes down from the roof and starts to wrap you up in webbing restricting your movements. At some point in this process it bits you with venom that seems to make you feel slugish and very turned on.*

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People are always saying: “you are what you eat”.  For a long time, I took this metaphorically, not literally. I knew of course, like most of us, that if I chose a McDonald’s supersized meal, my body would probably not appreciate it the way it would a meal complete with whole foods, but the thought process ended there.  We have all experienced stomach aches from fast food, or that mid afternoon slugishness that is brought on by the Tim Bits you had for lunch, but do you ever think about why you feel that way?  Well, today, while preparing to scarf down my sandwich at lunch, several thoughts came to me: a) rarely do we give thought to where the food we are about to eat came from, and b) what it does once inside of our bodies.  Now, I’m no dietician or scientist, but I do know a thing or two about anatomy and energy flow , and I would like to share with you a few thoughts I had that I think will help me greatly when making food choices, and to appreciate how lucky our western world is to be able to have the privilege of this choice. Maybe it can help you too.
My thought started today, because of an overwhelming anxiety and feeling of guilt for eating my tuna sandwich.  These little buggers of thoughts still sneak in even though I have been in recovery from an eating disorder for just over a year.  It’s an unjustified and irrational feeling,  but none the less, it’s there, and it’s annoying.  The cool thing is, that now, instead of freaking out, I try to think of ways that can help me get through the rough patch, and continue on with my day.  So, today, being inspired by the Buddhist podcasts I have recently become addicted to, I started to really focus on understanding my experience rather than having an experience.  The first thing I did was think of all of the components of my sandwich that had to happen and come together, for me to hold it in my hand and taste it in my mouth… in turn, using it for “Qi”.
**“Qi” is the Japanese word for life force, and is a neutral energy that every living being has.  It is pronounced: “key”.  In Western culture, we usually call it “plasma”.
My thought process went something like this……
I thought of a baker, mixing the ingredients to make the flour, that she then kneaded-putting her own energy into it, and baking it.  She then sent it to the shop where I bought the sandwich from.

I thought of the tomato, growing in a field in Italy somewhere (I’m in Europe right now… I don’t romantisize that much that I think all tomatoes come from Italy), first starting from a seed, using the sun’s energy to grow, then being plucked from it’s vine by Luigi, or Alberto, or Maria or Guissepe-you get the point, and being sent to the market where it was bought… to make my sandwich.

The tuna…. it used to swim in the ocean!!  It had a life that existed before my sandwich, and that life gives me life now.

I thought of the basil, growing lush and green, the chemistry that happened inside of it to make my taste buds stand up and recognize it as such and the person who’s job it was to pick it.

As I savored the individual flavours and marveled at what had to happen for this sandwich to come to me, I was grateful. All of that work, so that I could sustain myself and give energy to my body.  It spurred the other half of it which was:“you are what you eat”.
Hmmmm, so quite literally speaking, I have just eaten tuna, wheat, tomatoes and basil.  Those are now being broken down and processed within my tiny cells, to produce more cells, grow my nails, my hair, my skin, bones, muscles etc.  A tomato cell is now a part of my hands, or lips, or ear…. I don’t know about you, but I think this is a very intruiguing and exciting revelation!
In the book “The Omnivore’s Dilemma”, author Michael Pollen (hah, his name is Pollen and he writes about plants), makes the point that over 50% of our food in North America comes from corn or the broad species of Maize.  This takes into account all of the different ways corn can be used to make food products, such as preservatives, sweeteners, binders, fillers etc.  When you look at a food label, you are likely to find more than one corn derivative or byproduct with alien planet names like: dextrin, maltodextrin, glucona delta lactone, mono and di-glycerides, sorbital and xantham gum… to name a few. I’m not saying that all of these are bad, but as the age old saying goes, everything in moderation.  A bit if corn is good for us, it helps to give us quick energy with it’s sugars, and helps to keep the pipes functioning…. if you get my drift. What isn’t good, is when our bodies are literally made from corn.  This is just an example to drive home the point, that quite literally, when you think about it, we are what we eat.  Do you want to be fake or real?  Fake foods, made with manufactured ingredients aren’t whole foods… they are just bits and pieces, glued together to make “food”.  Whole foods are just that: chi, Qi, asana… whatever you call flowing energy, delivering it directly to your cells.  Teeth are meant to be white and shiny because we brush them, not because we cover them up with veneers and bleach them so they appear healthy.  It’s the same as eating foods that have lower quality Qi (poor flow of Qi) as opposed to eating high quality Qi foods (even, steady flow of Qi).  They both with give you Qi or energy, but it’s how it flows inside of us that makes the difference.  For example:
A river will flow until it comes to a blockage in its path.  It then either slows, or stops and builds at that point. What happens up and down stream from that blockage?  Well, movement and supply of nutrients is halted. What happens at the blockage point?  Pressure and tension builds, leading eventually to flooding.
This is the same as poor energy flow in the body.  When you ram together chemicals, byproducts and fillers to create a processed food, all of those components have their own flow of energy… all heading in opposite directions which, generally speaking, is a recipe for a traffic jam. You take a whole grain for example, it’s had a life of continuous energy flow since its creation (assuming it isn’t a GMO lol… which you can read about in one of my previous blogs).  Now think about those energies entering into your own flow of Qi.  Do you want chaos or a steady, even supply of Qi to your amazing, hard working, temple of a body?  This isn’t an accusatory question, I love a piece of Dairy Queen ice cream cake or peanut M&Ms as much as the next gal.  It’s just a question that I am going to ask myself more often as good practice for understanding my experiences rather than having an experience, especially when it comes to respecting and honoring myself.

This is just one example of how our minds and bodies need to reconnect.  Think about what you are doing, eating, saying.  What is it doing inside of us?  How is affecting our moods, our health, our happiness, our relationships?
After all of this thinking today, I feel like I have stumbled on something that can open many new doors for me… and in order to unlock any door, you need a Qi.

I would love to hear some feedback on this blog and have my readers share some of their own thoughts on this and any other related topics.

Blessed Be,
The Gypsy


Just haven’t really been feeling all that well. Kinda slugish and really wanting to do anything border line lazy to depressed. All i know is i need to get out of this slump.

Got work in a few so that always keeps my mind occupied just a couple more hours and ill be back home…..maybe ill even cut my lawn who knows?!?