Life Purpose ...
I don’t recall how it was brought up, but someone said something to me that stuck - stuck hard.
“I feel sorry for you.”
This kind of surprised me, was it meant to be a sympathy thing? Another hit at my already flat ego?
Laughing she continues, “Sorry, that sounds mean. But by your age, I had a purpose. You have nothing, and you do nothing.”
Ouch. I was not a “typical” teen, I didn’t party or drink much. I always found the party scene flared up my Migraines and Aura really bad. I hung out with a small group of guys, and was in a committed relationship with a guy for 5 years throughout high school.
I am now a “young adult” at the age of 22. I still don’t party or drink. I never got into drugs or anything like that. In fact, my worst addiction is gaming. College has fell through a couple of times, I’ve worked since I was 15 years old, but not as much as of the last year or so.
I am “fairly” responsible. I volunteer and help out around the house as much as possible, and even though my family sees me as the “bitch with constant migraines” I try my very best to be present and patient.
My mom had me when she was 17, and i’m sure it changed her life, gave her purpose. She went on to study and pursue a career because she had me to care for and to encourage her to always self improve.
I’ve been told I can’t have kids. My uterus is not fit for child birth, miscarriages, yadda yadda. I may never give birth to a child. This hurts me in a huge way, I looked forward to being a mother, not even to give me “purpose”. Ultimately this probably works out because I wouldn’t want to pass down this awful disease to my child. My father and his father before him have the same problem… I just don’t like the idea of taking that risk.
Anyway, I am still looking for purpose I suppose. I’m in a relationship, but I have learned to love myself enough that I don’t gauge my life purpose/value on the fact that I have a boyfriend. For a long time, my only purpose was my family - they wanted me here on this earth. But I see that slowly changing.
(Well, I guess my cat would be sad without me… maybe not. Depends who has the treats.)