DYING

My best friend Shoeb’s text tone is Area Codes by Ludacris and Nate Dogg. The line where Luda says, “I’ve got hoes.” Because he’s got hoes. Anyway, I was texting him, and Adam (my eight year old precocious brother, for those of you who are unfamiliar) heard it and started repeating it. 

Me: DON’T SAY THAT.
Adam: What? I’ve got holes?
Me: Hoes. Don’t say that.
Adam: Hoes? What’s wrong with that? 
Me: It’s a demeaning and vulgar word. Short for whore.
Adam: OHHHH like in that song, “Don’t trust a…never trust a…won’t trust a…”
Me: YES, LIKE IN THAT SONG, now stop saying it.
Adam: So does that mean Santa Claus goes around calling kids hoes? 

  • Shoeb:"Ask questions that can't be answered." What questions did you ask?
  • Rashad:Oh, just stupid philosophical shit somehow related to the anatomy of the brain, or paradoxical questions like, "We consider the capacity of the brain to be infinite, but how can it be infinite if there are a finite number of atoms in the observable universe?"
Melting P(l)ot
  • Rashad:One day I'm going to order Domino's to your house, completely paid for, but I'll have the delivery man ask your mother to get the door, and say it's from her daughter-in-law.
  • Shoeb:LMFAO WTF DON'T YOU DARE. My mom never answers the door for pizza though.
  • Rashad:Yeah but you can give the driver instructions. "Do not release pizza to a male of any size, shape or color."
  • Shoeb:LMFAOOOOO my mom doesn't know English that well LOL.
  • Rashad:Have you forgotten that half the dudes that work there are named Salmaan and Mohammed?
  • Shoeb:I could become the best stalker ever. I just need a Mac. THAT'S WHY THERE ARE SO MANY CRAZY BITCHES IN THE WORLD TODAY. THE AMOUNT OF MACS SOLD IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO THE AMOUNT OF CRAZY BITCHES.
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