I learned a great word:schmat·te
A rag; a ragged or shabby garment.
What I’ve posted is the photo of a schmatte. The retailer’s ad copy indicates that somehow, this tacky, overly shiny dress (tunic? muumuu?)…erm, this shapeless schmatte is going to be great because you won’t have to wear jewelry! The trompe l’oeil design shows cheap tacky jewelry already on your person! And it also shows a dress, on top of a dress. The retailer’s description includes some nonsensical balderdash about how it will make your waist look slimmer.
I actually think this dress would make you look like you’ve just eaten everything at the $5.99 BBQ and Pizza All-You-Can-Eat buffet and was chased out by the manager who won’t recoup his food costs tonight. Ugh.