Why hello there dear internet! It is your favorite dimensional trickster, Christopher Badass Skinner. Yep, Badass is my middle name. Totally did not make that up. Before we delve into the next exiting adventures of me and my minions, let’s do a quick recap of the story thus far. If you still remember what has happened, then you are and awesome person who should have their names sung in songs and praised for all eternity, and you can move onto the next chapter which should be up right… about… now!
Hm? What’s that? You’re wondering how I can be part of the story and still give you information on it as if I wasn’t? Well my lad and/or lass it is quite simple… because I can. Now, onto that recap:
It was a normal and peaceful day in the little town of Sacramento. The first of our band of misfit heroes, DA, got up, brushed his teeth, and sat down next to his ghost cousin, Jayde, to watch some TV. Just a normal day. It was at this point that the Time Turner noticed his parental units have vanished. Heading his mother’s advice to head to his living cousin’s home is something where to happen, the lad suited up and headed out. He conversed with his cousin from the opposite side of the color spectrum, and soon she discovered her mom was missing as well. After a failed attempt to call 911, the Dean got a mysterious call from his associate, Matt, who told him to gather supplies and meet him at his house. It was strange, but nothing the two mentally unstable cousins couldn’t get through together. But, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. And by Fire Nation I mean zombies (anyone who got that reference without looking it up gets an imaginary cookie). Yes, zombies. They came in hundreds and swarmed the two. Luckily, they had some supernatural help. Thanks to Jayde transforming herself into a pair of holly katanas, DA quickly fended off the fiends and saved his cousin. The pair headed for DA’s mom’s car and got in. Thanks to Cassidy’s mysterious new power of indivisibility, they were able to drive away unnoticed.
What’s that? Where’d she get this power from suddenly? Well for starters, you’re asking too many questions. You get one more and that’s it. Second, patients is key. Especially when reading. Now unless the next question is important, keep it to yourself. Now if I may continue:
Soon they arrived at burnt abode of a tall man by the name Mathew
Patel Spencer. His house burnt down thanks to that rumbustious rapscallion, David, upon the discovery of his pyrokinetic powers. Not only that, but Cassidy is almost blown by a familiar bomb from the land of Hyrule thanks to David’s reality breaching powers. During a misunderstanding over the matters of zombies and possession, It is revealed that Matt has unlimited ammo in his gun, and perhaps more, as well as David unable to control his powers (noob). Soon the four all shake hands except for the lass Cassidy who won’t soon forget the pyro lad for trying to bring about her early demise.
It didn’t take long before a portal to hell ripped open in the sky and demons descended. Our four heroes took up the call to arms and headed to do battle with the arch demon. As they closed in on the demons domain, Cassidy sensed the decline in her cousin’s already poor mental health due to the hellish atmosphere. They were immediately assaulted by a lesser demon upon closing in on the center of the demon’s domain. After that, DA sensed the arch demon and made the first blow. Summoning the spirits of their ancestors, the four quickly rushed the demon and let loose a devastating combo. Sadly, it didn’t do much more than piss off the demon. After a not so subtle tentacle porn reference, the demon was injured by a shot from the Italian sharp-shooter, Trenton. He quickly joins the rest of the group with his… girlfriend? Huh. Okay then. But the demon quickly reappears and attacks Cassidy, leaving a hole in her chest. Luckily for her, it seems she was also gifted with incredible healing abilities. But that’s when shit got real. DA finally lost control and unleashed his full power.
He transcended the limits of this world and went beyond time and space. Thus, the Duke of Time was reborn into the world. The demon recognized the infamous Duke as the very Japanese oni hunter that sealed him away in hell originally. The demon went to attack but DA quickly countered with seemingly nothing and the demon retreated into nothingness. Matt went up to check on his friend but was attacked by the insane Duke who was still in a blood rage. DA broke Matt’s arm and gave David a concussion when he stepped in. He would have killed Trenton too if a heroic hero of heroicness hadn’t stepped in and heroically saved the day as heroes do. The dapper gentleman in the top hat calmly confronted his friend. Who was this hero? He was known as the Pirate King of Thieves, The Time Trickster, The Space Scoundrel, The Dimensional Doppelganger, The Duke of Dicksmilies, Nicholas Cage… okay you’re probably getting tired of these titles. It was me. Yep. The grand old duke of awesome. Using my reality bending know how, I was able to stall the Insane Duke until his cousin recovered and snapped him out of his madness. After that he fully channeled his ancestor and defeated the demon. After reassuring his friends were okay (and apologizing for trying to kill them) DA and Jayde sent a blast of energy skyward. The Duke of Time and the Maid of Spirits purified the land.
Oh yeah, and Nathian was there. He healed everyone. So… that’s a thing.
Anyways, the world returned to normal. Except everyone’s parents are still missing. So that’s that. What? Oh yeah, your last question. What’s with this channeling ancestors thing? Now that’s a good question. Sadly I’m not allowed to answer it. Not yet at least. Now if you excuse me, I have some home decorating to do.