shirtless-man

4

Despite the fact that the warmest day was our last, the NYC trip was absolutely amazing. We visited so many cool places, walked down too many awesome streets and got to see the amazing Hedwig and the Angry Inch on Broadway TWICE! (And I got to hug Darren Criss). No better way to begin my summer. 25/05/2015

Day 413

This is my 413 day on Testosterone. I wanted to give some updates because I haven’t done that in ages. I did my voice comparison at 10 months but that’s all I’ve really done. So this might be kind of long and detailed.

Body hair

Let’s start here. As far as overall body hair I think I’ve grown as much as I might grow, who knows though. If I do grow more it’ll be slowly and over like several years. My tummy is fuzzy but still light colored, like a very light brown. My happy trail however is very dark, lol. It has definitely grown since beginning T and I love it. I’ve always loved my happy trail. Arm hair is basically the same as it’s always been, it is a little darker though. My leg hair continues to grow I think, or at least get darker. Before T I only had hair on my shins. Now I have it on my calves and thighs (all over) which is also really nice. I don’t mind not being overly hairy. I like the aesthetic of being pretty clean everywhere except my legs, happy trail, arms/pits, and genital region. I have to trim my nether regions quiet a bit or I get uncomfortable, but that always been a thing. I like being trimmed.

Facial hair

I’m finally growing facial hair. It might not be much and it might be patchy and some of it peach fuzzy but it is there and it is consistent. I’ve actually begun to love the way my facial hair grows and looks. I’ve become less obsessed with it and more acceptant of that fact that it is mine and it will grow the way it is supposed to. None of the males in my family have much facial hair anyway so I’ve accepted that I might not have much and that has helped me.

Voice

My voice has definitely dropped since before T and even since 10 months (at least I think). Sometimes I still feel like it’s too high but I’m working on slowly lowering my voice through exercises. Although that’ll only help so much. This is mostly in my head.

Genitalia growth

So I’m definitely a grower not a shower. I haven’t had much growth that is noticeable until I’m hard. Then it is definitely apparent, which I think I’m okay with. Every guy is different and there are a lot of guys out there who are smaller until aroused. My gf likes it so I can’t complain. Sensitivity wise it is on and off. When I’m growing from hormones it is more sensitive than when I’m not thankfully though that is few and far between than when I first started T. I also have to constantly remind myself to wash my head. My junk is much like a cis male’s uncircumcised penis in that my foreskin covers the head of my dick and I have to remember to clean it so I don’t build up smegma. Which in a weird way I’m also okay with because it just kind of make my junk feel more ‘normal’ for lack of a better word. (Side note I don’t have any really bottom dysphoria this is just a general feeling)

Sex drive

This is something I struggle with a lot. I think even before T I just had a lower sex drive. Sex wasn’t really something that was top of my list. I had sex but it wasn’t something I couldn’t live with out. Beginning T my sex drive was higher but I still wasn’t really interested actually having sex so I can’t say whether T has affected my sex drive negatively or positively. There are days where I need it but there are also days where I don’t want it at all. Like I said I struggle with it but my gf is super understanding and very supportive and understanding which is so wonderful of her because her sex drive is off the charts. We’re working through this one together.

Strength

I am definitely stronger. I can do things I couldn’t do before hormones even without working out much. I gain and keep muscle tone a lot easier. If I could only keep myself motivated I’d probably be able to tone up quiet quickly.

Overall body

So this something I REALLY struggle with. This trumps sex drive by a long shot. I’ll start and end with positive things and sandwich the negative in-between. My body definitely has a more masculine shape naturally with barely any working out. My hips are smaller and my shoulders are a little broader. I’m definitely stronger. My appetite does fluctuate still but it isn’t as bad as when I first started hormones. I have noticed my metabolism has increased from before testosterone. I still have bad chest dysphoria most days. It’s hard to look at myself in the mirror because of it. I also have pretty bad body dysphoria. Before testosterone I didn’t really have much of an issue but that is probably because I blocked everything out subconsciously. I also didn’t look at myself in a mirror or photographs as much as I do now. When I wear clothes I’m fine. It’s just shirtless that I have a problem. I also struggle a lot with eating guilt. It’s something I have to balance with and not become obsessive about because my body isn’t what I want it to look like. I struggle with balancing eating, drinking and working out in a healthy manner and I think a lot of that is because the media is plastered with cut, 0% body fat guys. Before T I never noticed that about women in media because I didn’t identify as woman (even if I didn’t know it consciously). However now that I’m comfortable with my identity I have noticed the struggle in my body appearance without clothes on. I also don’t have an adams apple which make me slightly dysphoric. But my face shape has changed and the parts of me I love are exactly where I want them. I am able to see past all of the part of me I struggle with and know that I’m still the man I worked hard to become and that gives me hope for the future. I’m still growing and changing even if they are small.

8

This is the most unhelpful tutorial I’ve ever made- it’s so disjointed and I don't know if I’m even communicating how I did this… but essentially, from observation as well as learning from others, I have designed this … pseudo-technique-thing that i use in some of my more serious colored work. It’s a sort of cel-shaded technique that someone might find useful.

I’ve gotten better at distinguishing form shadows and cast shadows since I made this… so … you might just want to ignore that bit I posted. XD It doesn’t make much sense. but maybe I will make a new tutorial in the future.

I’m not saying this is the “right” way to do it- it’s just my way. It may or may not work for you.

This is an unfinished collab- I just figured I’d post a bit on how I made it because i do like how the colors came out, and I figured I might share my photoshop technique with others. 

The lineart is by BosnianSniper.tumblr.com! It is a collab with Otto, the mod. 

Amalia, the maid, is giving Friedrich a sponge bath. Because he’s an old geezer who can’t take care of himself. Derp.

The lighting at the last step is the same one I used in my previous tutorial. I forgot to mention that it is on OVERLAY with 15 percent opacity.