I have brought shame to my family

I’ve been trying to wash my shingaurds because they smell like a thousands rotting whales at the moment. First, I stuck them in the freezer and now all our ice cubes taste like the armpit of a an obese medieval monk. It didn’t even work, just kinda muted the smell. Then I had the great idea of washing them with hot water. So I stuck them in the laundry room sink and used my roommate’s kettle to boil some water then poured that over the shingaurds. Of course, it took me two seconds to realize where my plan was flawed. Hot water puts off steam which rises and has now filled the entire laundry room with a gut wrenching odor. It smells like someone stuck a skunk in one of the dryers. It smells like the sport socks of a hundred hockey players ruminated in a vat of gorilla sweat.

IT SMELLS LIKE DEATH IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM AND IT’S MY FAULT

I deeply apologize to anyone who will be using the second floor laundry room for the next week or so. I am ashamed of the carnage my actions have wrought.