Review Everything Review #9: Effervescent Review

Canada Dry Orange-Flavored Seltzer Water

By David Conison


By now, it is widely acknowledged in big cities and small townships alike that nothing is quite so refreshing nor as palate cleansing as a cool glass of seltzer. Even a dirty street urchin without the ability to read can be seen tugging at his mother’s skirt, greedily asking for a glass of this miraculous, sparkling fluid. 

I am no urchin, but I too often succumb to the siren-song of seltzer and this morning was no exception. Upon waking, my moth was heavy and cotton-like, owing no-doubt to the irritating dryness of my chambers. 

Luckily, owing to my unerring foresight, I had purchased a bottle of Canada Dry Orange-Flavored Seltzer the night before. “Wait,” I hear you shouting, “but usually you are not an advocate for or even a fan of flavored soda waters!” This is true. Even I cannot deny this. It is true that, given my druthers, I usually abstain for the flavored seltzers. This is because, inevitably, seltzer’s are flavored a repellent, chemical lemon-lime flavor found nowhere in nature. 

But the scientists (or, rather, magicians) at Canada Dry have surmounted this problem with the delightful Orange flavoring. To be fair, flavoring is an overstatement:  rather, the initial sip clears the mouth and mind with crispness and refreshment, followed by an unmistakable but subtle tang of sun-ripened oranges. Really, the sensation is more comparable to the scent of orange zest than to an actual flavor (there’s no overpowering chemical sensation in this soda water. No sir.) of oranges. 

Dear reader, yr. crspndt. can think of no other seltzer he would recommend more highly than this. Whether you’re coming back from an exhausting game of polo, or simply in need of something to temper your double espresso, this is the seltzer for you.


im taking an english class called “the art of the essay” and im the only freshman and our first essay was a description of an object emulating the first part of the knife by richard selzer. i wrote about my watch and its emotional significance to me and i was really nervous to hand it in because like i said, im the only freshman and its my first paper in college and i feel like i always hear horror stories of people like “i thought i did a really good job and then i got a d.” but today in class my professor said we were going to go over someone’s paper in our class (name removed and everything) and analyze it and it turned out to be my paper? and she talked about how beautifully described it was and as we were reading it out she made the people reading repeat specific lines and then the class analyzed it. it was really incredible to sit there and hear people picking apart something that i wrote and i felt really.. proud i guess? id on’t know. i was so shocked that she picked mine in the first place. i thought i was gonna cry for some reason when i saw that it was mine but i dont even know what emotion was behind it. i called my mom and told her what happened but i dont think she realized what a big deal it was to me

I was tagged by sweetsgod  to do this! Thanks bruh

Nickname: Finch

Birthday: 24th July

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Lara Croft

Height: 5’7”

Date: 12th September, 2014

Timezone: Eastern (-5)

Average hours of sleep: 5-8

OTPs: I don’t really have any to be honest

Last Thing I Googled: I think something about Cyberpunk 2077

First word that comes to mind: Raxacoricofallapatorius (DW reference)

What I last said to family member: “PIZZA!” (seriously not kidding)

One Place that makes me happy and why: Nature and libraries (not one but still), there’s something about the introspection of it all that makes me happy and at peace. Plus my imagination goes wild there.

How many blankets I sleep under: Just a duvet

Favorite Beverage: I like tea a lot but I also like plain water or selzer, I try to stay away from sodas and other crap for your body (sometimes I can’t help it).

Last Movie I watched in the cinema: Oh it’s been so long… Honestly I think it was The Conjuring, actually. It was so long ago…

Three things I can’t live without: Sadly the internet though, but not just for Tumblr, I use it for a lot of things, like research and current events. There’s also lights, I like them a lot, and then there’s modern day technology in general, we’ve all grown attached to toilets, guys, so don’t so you can easily live without modern day technology. Although I’ll be truly satisfied when we create a holodeck.


A piece of advice for my followers: Life is filled with the good and bad. Stop dwelling on the bad and turn it into something great. The best artists in history did that (maybe that’s not a good example, most of them also suffered mental illness from it too…). If you let all the negative things get to you, it’ll break you, so try your hardest to see that you can grow to a great moment in your life by expanding your horizons, but you’ll never reach it without the bad times to review in your life. Also don’t be a jerk, nobody likes a jerk.

My blogs: You’re on the only one, I don’t have enough followers to make a new one and signal boost yet.

TAGGING A FEW FROM MY ACTIVITY PAGE: troybakerz misanthropic-lycanthrope and joffreysgoblet

The man of letters did not know this woman before. Preoccupied with dying, he is scarcely aware of her presence now. But this nurse is his wife in his new life of dying. They are close, these two, intimate, depending one upon the other, loving. It is a marriage, for although they own no shared past, they possess this awful, intense present, this matrimonial now, that binds them as strongly as any promise. A man does not know whose hands will stroke from him the last bubbles of his life. That alone should make him kinder to strangers.
—  "A Man of Letters," by Richard Selzer. 

I am actually gonna chug some emergen-c so I stop feeling sick and can do all the things I want to do urbhsjsmw and som selzer and some medicine I’m gonna be fine

Prophecy (1979) Episode 5 Decade of Horror 1970s

"She Lives. Don’t Move. Don’t Breathe. She Will Find You." The tag line promises Prophecy (1979) to be the next big "Monster Movie" with director John Frankenheimer behind the camera and David (The Omen) Selzer behind the pen. The film never lives up to that lofty goal but gives it everything it has. The film stars Robert Foxworth, Talia Shire, Armand Assante and Richard Dysart. The Black Saint and Doc Rotten tackle another groovy horror film from the 1970s.

Decades of Horror 1970s 
Episode 5 – Prophecy (1979) 

Joining The Black Saint and Doc Rotten once again is North Carolina film maker, Bill Mulligan, who lends his thespian, effects making, screen writing talents to the duo’s take on Prophecy. The biggest problem with the film is the mutant bear itself, awkward and a little goofy, it draws more laughs that screams. Isely (Richard Dysart) describes the Katahdin monster was “larger than a dragon with the eyes of a cat” but it is often called the salami bear. Stephen King is known to have referenced the film as one of his favorites, Doc Rotten, The Black Saint and Bill Mulligan re-examine the film to roaring delight and cheep 70s thrills.

We want to hear from you - the coolest, grooviest fans:  leave us a message or leave a comment on the site or email the Decades of Horror 1970s podcast hosts at or

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GODsDOGs and Tanja Selzer opening reception from janinebeangallery on Vimeo.

GODsDOGs and Tanja Selzer, opening reception video by Mirella Biancavilla

GODsDOGs is the name of the of the artist couple Britta und Ron Helbig. After working for several years very successfully as part of the famous artist group „Artists Anonymous“, they act since 2009 as a couple, varying, resp. connecting virtuously the genres and techniques of painting, drawing, installaton, objects, performance and photography.
As GODsDOGs they start with a basic concept which they develop process-like by entangling the different media. Occasionally Britta and Ron integrate contributions of other artists chreographically in parts of their artworks.

Tanja Selzer lives and works as an artist in Berlin since 2003. Her new paintings resemble snapshots of a dream, enchanted and unreal. Seemingly incoherent motifs are combined by the artist as a sequence of an ecstatic and dream-like plot, reflecting everyday sceneries, but continuously evading mere causality.