things to make my life better
in the interests of self-preservation, these are things to do.
1. stop trying to control money, i.e. stop punishing yourself or feeling guilty the moment you break your budget. buy food. go ahead. dare you. buy good books. buy them all. the long term effects of a good book will feed your mind and heart far longer than a transient $20, in your hand one day and someone elses the next. you are a financial curator. you are not an owner of dollars and cents.
2. find reasons to exercise other than ‘because i can’t find anything else to do.’ find purpose in exercise — every local bushwalk, one per week. climb rocks. climb trees for the heck of it. work the horses even if only mentally.
3. stop allowing the potential judgement of others to rule your life. quite honestly they don’t care what you do with your money/time/food/job/blog and if they do they can keep their thoughts to themselves. you are not the slave of your own mind.
4. write more. write funny. write happy. get out of the darkness.
5. get up when you wake up. don’t lie in bed thinking circular thoughts any longer. do not let that wolf back in. allow yourself to be happy. no one is affected by your self-made guilt but yourself. fuck that. guilt is just the last defence of a brain who can’t find another valid reason not to be happy.
6. half-measures are okay.
7. let people back into your space. if they leave again, it will still be your space. it still has ‘mine’ stamped all over it.
8. do what you want to do not what you think you should do by arbitrary evolving unkind self-punishing anxiety-ridden standards no one can live up to and no one needs to live up to.
9. drink wine. or beer. whichever. enjoy it.
10. compassion is not just something you give to other people.