You want to be the “-est.”
You want to be the “more.”
You want to be the “most.”
You want to be the “better.”

If you stop comparing yourself, maybe you’ll get what you want.

You will always have less than someone else if you constantly keep setting yourself in an analogy. You will never be the greatest if you keep comparing great to greater. You want to be the richest, you want to have more than them, you want to have the most, and you want to be better. Maybe if you stopped measuring the worth between rich and richer, you will gain something that can’t be found on the scale.

—  a key step to knowing how incomparable you are

Today

  • I finished the last of my Christmas shopping
  • anorexia tried to make me feel bad for having a bigger breafast
  • I had a really bad body image
  • I decided I’d had enough
  • I went into work and collected my tips from last night
  • I then went to boots and bought myself some hella rad lipstick and a bag of popcorn with said tips
  • I put on my lipstick and felt fierce as fuck
  • I went to a family gathering for my Grandmas 80th and socialised and sat down and tried not to let anxiety get the better of me
  • I realised how truly lucky I am to be alive and have the things I have

so sorry anorexia, you tried to ruin my day, you nearly succeeded, but I have so much more to live for, I have so much I want to fight for, and I am not going to let you win

So you are soft,
soft,
soft.
So you taste too sweet for some people and they spit you out.

So this is healing
even though it doesn’t always feel like it.
So you don’t have to apologize for still licking wounds
that other people keep tearing open.

So you’re still learning how to relax your hands
after they spent so long balled into fists.
So you’ve got a heart that likes to step into the ring,
a fighter with more losses than wins.

So you are learning that letting go is a motion
that requires more steadiness than you contain.
So you can’t remember how you used to touch people
without being scared that it would burn.

So you’re still here.
And your heavy heart only taught you how to carry more.
So you forget the strength it takes to stay this gentle.
Remember the iron behind all that honey.

—  A.S., so

Hey (in case you forgot),

You would be a kickass girlfriend. You are beautiful and funny and smart and you have a heart bigger than anyone I’ve ever met. You love fiercely and contagiously and you are constantly opening yourself to the possibility of finding more love. So don’t settle, dear. But also, stop running scared. Life is a series of tripping and falling but the only thing that matters is picking yourself up again.

So place a smile on that face, sweetheart. Stare your anxieties in the eye and wish them away. Go after what you want but walk away from what doesn’t want you back.

And above all? Keep loving. Love until there’s no love left to give. For that’s when it’ll find you, finally it will find you, and your love will be replenished.

That’s when love will heal your tired soul.

Thinking of you always. Keep your head up, my beautiful, brave girl.

maybe it’s hard to trust yourself
maybe you spent too long lying to other people
pretending you were okay
telling them you were fine
maybe you lied to yourself, too
‘I don’t need them’
‘I don’t need that’
‘I’m okay, I’m fine’
and in lying for so long
the deceit and pretences
you managed to destroy yourself
and all the trust you ever had
but you are not that person any more
you need to leave them in the past
you have to learn that you can do this
that you will be okay
and that trusting your mind
believing in your body
is the only way to truly live
so maybe it’s hard to trust yourself
when you spent to long living a lie
but you deserve the truth
to learn that it’s okay to trust your body
to believe in yourself
so stop being afraid; start living again
—  trust me, trust yourself.
You don’t need to reach the stars, they’ll fall for you, baby
Rain falls ‘cause it doesn’t want you to feel dry,
Sun shines because it wants you to smile, sweetie
Leafs paint theirselves brown and red so you can see their beauty
Never forget
that sky paints a rainbow to remind you that good things will happen after a little rain.
—  Don’t ask why, they’re here to remind you that you’re not worthless.
3

Top: Bealls Outlet Women’s Apparel
Size: Up to 3X
Price: 8.99$
Jacket: Bealls Outlet Junior Plus
Size: Up to 3X
Price: 10.99$ (Sooo Cheap and Stylish! Y’all gotta go buy one!!! XDD)
Bottom: Bealls Outlet Women’s Apparel
Price: 5.40$ (Yaaaaaaasssss!!!)
Size: Up to 3X
Necklace: Rainbow Store
Price: 3.99$

This entire Outfit under 30$?!!! Awwww yeaaaaahhhh XDD

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2

"Once I was beautiful, now I am myself." 

(Top Picture: November 2012; Bottom Picture: December 2014)

This December is really special for me because it marks 2 years in recovery from disordered eating. This isn’t something I tend to make very public, but I also recognize that starting down the road of any recovery journey is something worth celebrating. While posting this is albeit a little (or a LOT) scary for me, I want to be honest about and proud of the young woman that I am. I have spent a good majority of my life living in fear- not merely fear of food or gaining weight, but fear of taking up space, of failure, of losing control over my life, and of imperfection. I thought the ability to control what I ate and I what I weighed would not only make me interesting, but also fill up the void in my soul created by my utter lack of self-love. I could not have been more wrong. My recovery journey began in December of 2012 and it has simultaneously been the most difficult and most rewarding thing I have ever done.

Today, I am not only at a healthy weight, but also try to live my life in a way that promotes kindness. I have never had a problem with being kind to others, but I am learning how to extend that kindness to myself (plus, my hair is looking waaaaaay better these days ;)). Make no mistake, I have a long way to go. I still have days when I can’t bear to look in the mirror, or when I fall back on unhealthy behaviors, or even still find myself in tears because I cannot find peace with my body. But I am also light-years ahead of where I have ever been, and I know that my only choice is to keep moving forward. I have nothing but gratitude for the wonderful people who have been rooting for me throughout this process, and I couldn’t be more ready to see where my life will take me.