9

Write each woman you write as if she has her own life story, her own motivations, her own fears and strengths, and even if she’s only in the story for one page, she will be a real person, and THAT is what we need. (x)

PAN FUCKS EVERYTHING

ALL THE GREEK GODS SLEEP AROUND ONE HELL OF A LOT. HERMES ONCE GOT A GIRL PREGNANT WITH A HALF GOD, HALF GOAT MONSTER GOD THING, LATER KNOWN AS PAN. PAN HAD A PRETTY FUCKED UP LIFE. WHEN HIS MOTHER LOOKED AT HER NEW BABY, HE WAS SO FUCKING HIDEOUS THAT SHE SCREAMED AND RAN AWAY. AS A RESULT, PAN ISN’T VERY GOOD WITH WOMEN.

PAN IS THE GOD OF NATURE, SO HE SPENDS MOST OF HIS TIME SLEEPING AND PLAYING WITH SHEEP AND BEES. AND NYMPHS. LOTS OF NYMPHS. PAN FUCKED ALL THE NYMPHS. LITERALLY. HE COLLECTED THEM. 

ONCE HE TRIED TO RAPE A NYMPH CALLED PITYS, WHO TURNED INTO A TREE, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT NYMPHS DO WHEN THEY GET SCARED. IT’S LIKE HEDGEHOGS ROLLING UP INTO BALLS, OR POSSUMS PRETENDING TO BE DEAD, ONLY IT’S KIND OF PERMANENT, WHICH DEFEATS THE FUCKING POINT. 

THEN HE TRIED TO RAPE SYRINX, WHO…. YES, THAT’S RIGHT. TURNED INTO A FUCKING PLANT. SHE RAN AWAY TO THE RIVER AND TURNED INTO A REED, AT WHICH POINT PAN GOT CONFUSED AND HADN’T A FUCKING CLUE WHICH REEDS WERE REEDS AND WHICH WERE NYMPHS, SO HE CUT THEM ALL DOWN AND MADE PIPES OUT OF THEM. CREEPY BASTARD.

AT ONE POINT HE COVERED HIMSELF IN WOOL AND PRETENDED TO BE A SHEEP TO SEDUCE SELENE. PRESUMABLY HE WAS A REALLY FUCKING SEXY SHEEP. EITHER THAT OR SELENE HAD SOME FUCKED UP KINKS.

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