seixsm

Gender violence is one of the world’s most common human rights abuses. Women worldwide ages 15 through 44 are more likely to die or be maimed because of male violence than because of cancer, malaria, war, and traffic accidents combined.
— 

Nicholas Kristof in The New York Times

found in Ms. Magazine

The Truth About the Friend Zone

Recently the “friend zone” — the magical and mystical and metaphorical zone people are placed into by those they are romantically or sexually interested from which they cannot escape from the fiery hell of being labelled nothing more than a friend — has been a hot topic. Well, probably not that recently, since I tend to give it a while before I make my own comments. Blame it on taking time to observe and think or simply being behind the times. I suppose I don’t like to compete for the spotlight on matters either. It puts me off.  

We hear this term mainly from men complaining about how they’ve been supposedly catergorised, and only men for a long time as far I can tell, until more recently women and feminists have highlighted the injustices and inaccuracies of the term, however without seeming to fully explain what exactly the issue is, which is what I’m going to try to do. Perhaps slightly more ground-breakingly, I’m going to attempt to also advise how it can be avoided simultaneously, which is something I’ve not yet seen done in a non-sexist way. Wish me luck. 

The thing is, the “friend zone” is predominately a myth. I say this is because I’ve seen countless relationships move from being friends to lovers, even after years of friendship. I know those indignant unrequited lovers amongst you are going to be shouting that it doesn’t happen all the time, so let’s get into the next issue: why it might sometimes happen that a woman doesn’t view you as a potential romantic partner. The way I see it, there are two possibilities: 

  1. You’ve acted like a friend and the object of your interest doesn’t want to lose you as that. Relationships are messy, and perhaps you are much too valuable. In this instance, you shouldn’t see the “friend zone” as an insult to your sexual irritability and your romantic qualities, but as a compliment. Maybe she just wants you to stick around indefinitely. Maybe you’re marriage material and she’s trying to figure things out at the moment. Maybe she’s not into anything too serious. 
  2. There isn’t a mutual spark. Sometimes there just isn’t. She could find you physically attractive, and may well have told you so, but perhaps your personalities don’t quite match. Just because you treat her like a princess and are smart and interesting doesn’t mean a woman’s guaranteed to fall at your feet. There are numerous other factors at play. Human connection is a complicated matter. Things you’re not even conscious of — discreet scents, chemistry and body language — are all relationship deciders when it turns to romance, and unfortunately, perhaps the two of you aren’t destined to be. 

Now, obviously I can’t tell you how to prevent 2; 2 is an unavoidable incident of life. You can, however, do something about 1, and it’s quite simple: If you are romantically interested in a woman, don’t become her close friend without her knowing where you stand on her feelings towards her. You can’t instantly expect a woman to change the direction of her feelings towards you as soon as you decide it’s okay to unravel yours. Of course, you should absolutely and without fail treat a woman with respect, consideration and kindness. But there is a fine line between this in a romantic nature and this in a friend nature. You are simply not expected to care for a woman’s every need until you are in a romantic relationship with her if that’s the way you view her. It’s too painful, and she’ll only assume you’re not wanting anything other than friendship. So, if you want to portray your affections, ask yourself if you could see a close female friend doing the same action as you before you decide. Make it romantic and thus you’ll have an indicator on whether she’s interested in you in that regard from almost the beginning. 

I know unrequited love isn’t the best but look how things turned out for Romeo! Up until he mucked up and killed himself, that is. Don’t kill yourself. You can’t get angry with a person for simply not feeling the way you do. If the person was ever your friend you wouldn’t feel that way anyway. Real love comes to all of us eventually, and real love is requited and the attraction is mutual. However, if there is a girl who you’ve been friends with for a while and have suddenly developed intense feelings for, you’ve got nothing to lose by simply telling her. Be gentle, and if you feel you could cope with still being her friend if she doesn’t feel the same, tell her that too. 

NB: I know this is directed towards males pursuing females, but it could work either way. I just have more experience with a woman’s feelings being one myself. 

 

Apparently this needs to be a post.

So apparently, if I’m wearing some short-shorts and speaking really passionately about something (usually animal rights) many people will take this as an invitation to hit on me.

Now.

Here’s where you fucked up.

1) I am wearing short-shorts because I fucking want to and they say vegan on the butt and I like that quality in my clothing.

2) I am speaking passionately because, get this, I am passionate about veganism and animal rights! When I am getting all animated speaking about a cow friend of mine it is not because I am trying to be cute and get your attention, it is because I FUCKING LOVE COWS.

I am fed up with men who think that my activism is a good “way in” to hitting on me. It’s really fucking disappointing when I give someone the benefit of the doubt, when I think that, just maybe, they are really interested in doing something for the animals, and I find out that, really, they just wanted to see me naked.

image

If you use cows to get to me I will fucking break you.

This has been a furious rant.

More Definitions

Misogyny- The dictionary defines it as the hatred of women by men. But it is deeper than that. Misogyny is the hatred of all things coded as feminine. If a man is being shamed because of wearing or doing something that is coded as feminine, for example crying it is not discrimination it is because of misogyny. In our society men are seen as best. Girls are supposed to like masculine coded things, but boys aren’t supposed to like feminine coded things.

Patriarchy- A system of government or society in which males are in charge and women are excluded. We live in a patriarchal society. We know this because women are seen as public property, most CEOs are males, there are only 17 women in the Senate (the largest number there has ever been), and there are 76 women in the House of Representatives (which is about 16%). 

Sexism- Women* cannot be sexist toward men. The oppressed cannot discriminate against the oppressors. Sexism is a bias against women*. It is not a woman called a man a pig. I don’t care that the dictionary doesn’t use genders or whatever. Repeat this with me (aloud if you need to) women* cannot be sexist towards men. It doesn’t work like that. 

…the rules for women aren’t ever simple. Girls and women are expected to tread this careful line – appealing but not revealing, pleasingly pretty but not sleazily sexy – from a very young age. It starts with a teacher telling you that your trousers hug your adolescent curves too snugly, and it ends with a sweaty-faced man in a straining white shirt telling you, irony of ironies, that you’ve lost your job because you "don’t look the part of an attractive customer service team".
—  Holly Baxter
SOAPBOX SATURDAY CONTINUES:

For some transmasculine people, who may have years or decades of experience being treated as women, there is a nuance to our interactions with women that runs a little deeper…

From the magazine of Jane Pratt, the former publisher of that notorious magazine from the 1980’s, Sassy!
Bitchassness in western males

The last post I’ve rebloged just displays to what level of faggotry that straight men in the west fell to.

At this point, I don’t even blame the feminazi’s nor other deviant groups. They are behaving that way, as there isn’t sanity left in the males.

Perhaps it’s the generations of mothers raising mommas boys, without an ounce of confidence in themselves. And women crave such man, that are nowhere to be found.

Without true male leaders, women had to take matters into their own hands.

Can we even blame them for that?

Man up!

  • <b></b> We all knew that seth rogen movie would get played anyway. We all knew it would go through eventually. Because America treats other countries opinions like men treat women's opinions.<p/><b>Women:</b> "I dont like it when you do this. It offends me and i would like you to not."<p/><b>Men:</b> "Hahahahaha would you learn to take a joke??? Imma do this all the time now, to make you lighten up"<p/><b></b> *role reversal*<p/><b>Men:</b> "HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO ME ITS HORRIBLE!!! REVERSE SEIXSM!!! BE FAIR TO ME!!! I DONT LIKE THIS SO ITS ILLEGAL NOW! NOT ALL MEN"<p/><b>Other countries:</b> "we dont like that you did this. Its offensive and rude"<p/><b>America:</b> "would you learn to take a joke??? We're going to pretend to not do it, just to draw more attention to it and then do it anyway and make it even bigger!!!"<p/><b></b> *role reversal*<p/><b></b> *if any other country makes a spoof about assassinating an old white american politician*<p/><b>America:</b> *threatens other country with nukes, destroys an entire region, rounds up immigrants, does CIA illegal raids, supplies the regions competitors with supplies, starts another cold war, bombs half the world and ends the human race probably*<p/>
  • America:but they threatened our government!! They deserved it!!

A portion of my final paper for my Equity in the workplace class:

"For a long time I grew up with these ideals of seixsm, my biggest aspirations in life were to get married and have children, just as women “should.” I thought we weren’t smart enough and that women who weren’t stay at home moms were purely selfish. Moreover, on the first day of my feminist psychology class our professor asked us to raise our hand if we thought we were feminist. I of course did not raise my hand. What crossed my mind was “I am not a man hater, so no I am not a feminist.” Being a feminist means you believe in social, political, and economic equality among genders, not that you hate men or that you think that only women should rule the world. Now my aspirations go beyond being a wife and mother. I aspire to be a psychologist and own my own business. This class and its teachings have definitely helped me affirm the idea that I am a feminist. I am not a feminist because I am a woman, I am a feminist because I am human. It feels great to be able to speak of my personal bias and to be able to know I can bring awareness to other women and men. Furthermore, I have developed an action plan in an effort to completely unlearn this bias for good."