season fine

i think we need to have a long hard chat about sam winchester and the way he’s been hurting. the waking up in the middle of the night because he sees blood on his hands, the guilt and all he’s been put through yet the way he’s still patient and gentle and forgiving. how he cradles dean’s head and reassures him that they’ll fix him up, how tears leak from the corner of his eyes, how he has so much fucking faith in his big brother even after the “last couple months”. if i ever hear someone say that sam doesn’t love dean as much as dean loves sam, i’ll back hand the bitch, i swear. because if you still think that sam doesn’t love his brother with every piece of his aching soul, i think you must be watching some other show

Highlights of 2014

January

Cas, Dean & Crowley went on a road trip-in Cas’s pimp car

 Dean got the Mark

Cas eating and missing PB & J plus a Sassy hug, oh and the guinea pig

We found out where the hell Garth has been– he’s a freaking werewolf

February 

Two words- hairnet & shorts ( two more- Sweet potatoes!)

THIS!!! Oh my god Captives was just too damn hot…

The coat…this…

Sam in a sweater vest…

scruffy!Dean + coat = pure sex omfg I’m gonna die

All those hot pics from the Upfronts

March

The Ghostfacers were back…

(Dean slapped some ass)

Skinny tie!

I will shoot you…

The fact that Crowley and Sam & Dean have this love hate relationship and they gave him an intervention when he was strung out on blood

Crowley stold candy

So many hot new outfits, including these suits

we got to see Kevin

Cas is becoming more and more of a BAMF again

Misha directed an episode!

because only Misha would put this much Dean porn in the episode….

April

SHOWER!!!!

I don’t need to explain these…

 ^^ so hot!

This line…

  Bloodlines..not enough Sam & Dean but this was hot..

May

The beginning of Drowley/Misadventures of Crowley & Squirrel

The Destiel hug…

that look Dean gives Sam like, hands off my angel, bitch

Cas, like Misha, is the overlord

 

So much hotness, like overly hotness but I now know why, bc of what is about to come at the end of Season 9

Team Free Will back together again

Sam & Dean finally made up (Hey spn writers thanks for that, making us wait all fucking season then three seconds later he fucking DIES. what the actual fuck. anyway…)

and not I DO NOT want to talk about what happens next because it fucking ruined me for five months…

June–July

Hellatus/Conventions

August

JENSEN JOINED TWITTER!!!

ugh my life is so fucking complete now

fuck yes

holy bicep porn

September

Still in Hellatus/Conventions….getting excited because of this hot shit (even tho they cut out that sexy mouth thing)

more conventions…

October

I went to Chicon–Jensen in a GREEN PLAID SHIRT

Season 10 finally started plus we got a special

Deanmon

black eyes, sex, back porn, and the red shirt–pretty damn hot

Sammy saving Dean

Cas’s love being what brings Dean back

as hot as Demon!Dean was, getting our Dean back was awesome

that time Cas was wearing a robe

The misadventures of Crowley & Squirrel (the fact that he mentioned the sam hitting a dog thing, I died lol)

Sam & Dean on mini vacay wearing sunglasses

the uniforms

November

200th episode

the fact they actually talked about Destiel, and S-E-X (subtext) 

THIS PIC

The party

someone finally had a realistic reaction to Sam & Dean

Dean and the dating app

December

random hotness

everything about this Destiel scene

Dean’s dimples

Story of John not traumatizing the boys plus TFW in a bar

A not too traumatizing ending with no major character death

It has been an awesome year of feels, hotness, hilarious lines and just the best damn show ever so I can’t wait for another awesome year and season because this show is fucking amazing and perfect

I have one more meta left in me about Sam and I want to make this as clear as possible because I’ve seen a lot of metas about Dean and his mental health so its time someone brought this up. 

Dean is not the only character in this show who is in pain, and Dean is certainly not the only character who is alone. 

I want to break apart the concept of Sam’s internalization and spread it all across the board for a couple very specific reasons. One being that it seems people don’t seem to notice Sam has had the same level, if not more, pain than Dean, and Sam bears it because of what he is. Something that Dean has never had to deal with. 

what I mean to say is we’re looking at a character who has, from the very beginning, been labelled out as the black sheep. The Boy King. The man who would one day rule and be corrupted by what was inside of him. Sam had to live with this knowing, this sadness, because he couldn’t be Dean. He couldn’t look at himself in the mirror and know he was clean and good and pure, because he wasn’t. Because fate had chosen for him a long time ago that he wouldn’t get to be the hero. 

And Sam had to be the hero anyways. 

Dean had never had this problem till hell. He was always deemed ‘the righteous man’. He was the Michaelsword, the tool the good guys wanted. The white king to Sam’s black one. He was always pure, even when he broke the first seal in hell because what got him there was love and courage and a will to save Sam. Dean was always good. 

This is why Dean becomes wracked with guilt when his hands are sullied in ways that are more desperate than simply killing monsters. Torture coloured Dean and impacted him because Dean knew what it was like to be good and he was afraid that he would never be good again. 

And Sam, well, Sam knew he’d never been good. Not before nor after everything came down in one giant clusterfuck. Because Sam was the boy with demon blood, and he was destined to be corrupted. There was no saving him. 

You must understand the depth of Sam’s pain is so strong that his threshold is astronomical, but more importantly is that to Sam, it never mattered that he was in pain. What is pain to a person who is only meant for evil. If he stretched his hands out, the only thing he would do is sully and darken anything he touched. So he didn’t touch. He didn’t reach out. he stopped trying to let people in because if he did, he would ruin them. He wouldn’t let his own brother see his pain because it would ruin him too. 

Sam believed he was darkness, and only darkness, and he learned to live with this because it was the only way he could survive. 

Dean’s mental health has been a big topic of recent discussion because Dean is showing it in the ways anyone with great remorse would. Because Dean is looking for justification. He needs Sam because Sam is a purpose. Sam is something that makes him good. If he saves Sam and keeps Sam alive, then he’s done something right. As long as he has Sam and the loneliness doesn’t creep it, Dean is okay. Because Dean is good. He may not know it, but he’s good, and he’s afraid. 

Now before you continue on with your pickets and pitchforks, I want you to know that what Dean did was the absolute worst thing he could ever do to Sam. Because Sam’s been possessed by lucifer himself. Because Sam understands the need for free will, and covets that as his one redeeming quality. He may be bad but he doesn’t have to do bad things. If he has control over his life, he can choose to be the hero even if everyone tells him otherwise. Dean took this facet away from him. Dean decided for him and made him take an angel in and because of it, Kevin is dead. 

And he never apologized for it. Not once. 

Think about Sam more. I urge you to watch/rewatch the series, or even the last season and a half if need be, and watch the things that trigger Sam. Those brief glimpses into Sam’s fragility. You will never look at this character the same way again, of that I can promise you

Reverse Crypt Scene - Version 1.0

Not a prediction, just an idea that got stuck in my head. :)

Cas rounds the corner and there, finally, is Dean, but it’s Dean all wrong.

Momentary relief gives way to something far more insidious and frightening. Dean stands as if waiting for him, a hand on his hip and the kind of smile on his face Cas hasn’t seen there in months. The stance is all wrong. The smile, right here, right now, is all wrong. Dean releases the smallest breath of air, an amused little sound that’s all wrong, all wrong.

“This isn’t you,” is the first thing that comes out of Cas’ mouth.

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