I purchased this sign six weeks ago, and would like to return it. When I first purchased it, I was excited by its whimsical charm. What a humorous message, I thought. The intonation is reminiscent of a news broadcaster being interrupted by breaking news. But the twist, of course, is that the breaking news is football season! For $29.95 it was a steal to be sure.
But once I brought it home, things started to change. It was almost like the sign was cursed. It was early September, and I hung it up right beside the recliner in my man cave. I brought my wife in to check it out and she was speechless. She had to leave the room; at first I thought it was because she was so impressed, but I’m starting to think differently. I think the sign cursed her real good.
After the Sunday night game was over, she didn’t say but three words to me in bed. The next morning, she didn’t even fix me bacon and sausage for breakfast like she usually does. The curse of the sign really rocked her world.
It got worse, though. Between the 1pm and 4:15pm games on Week 3, I called for her to bring me a beer, and she didn’t respond. After trying a couple more times, I went to the kitchen to look for her, but she was nowhere to be found. I went outside and asked my neighbor Bill if he had seen her, and he quickly said no. I grabbed my Bud Lime and went back, concerned.
When I went to bed that night, she was there. But she looked different. I’m not sure what it was, but her hair was all ruffled, her skin was glowing, and she almost seemed out of breath. I tried to gently graze her butt with my hand, but she quickly resisted. It’s weird, because she used to be excited to have sex on Sunday nights in the summer. Again, the curse of the sign was really getting inside of her.
A couple weeks after that, she wasn’t in the house when I got home from work. I looked high and low for her, but couldn’t find her anywhere. I did hear some strange sounds coming from Bill’s bedroom; I wonder if the curse of the sign was spending some time over there as well. I went into my cave, on account of it was time for Thursday night football. I must return the sign and it isenclosed in this package; I hope you send a refund my way. I need things to revert back to normal. It’s almost like my wife is no longer my own—she belongs to the curse. All of the time she used to spend devoted to me is now spent under obligation to the curse. Thank you for your help, and go Seahawks.
Seahawks color doughnuts given out at my office today! Some guys on the elevator were talking about the bet between Chris Pratt and Chris Evans, hoping that Seahawks win so Captain America will come to visit our Children’s Hospital.
I don’t normally do this, but here are a couple of behind the scenes photos of the Clueless Gamer Big Game Showdown bit I produced for our show this week. I’m super lucky to be able to work where I work and get to do the things I do, and I am so, SO proud to work with such an amazing team of stone cold killers who don’t slack a single minute. From driving 14 hours in 2 days to pulling multiple all nighters, these guys make the impossible look easy and do it with a smile and a wink. I’m constantly inspired and humbled each day I work with them.
Marshawn and Rob could not have been nicer or funnier guys to work with (there’s a great photo above of Marshawn cracking jokes), and their people were awesome and super cool (which, for me, is the true measure of how people really are behind closed doors). The Mortal Kombat folks really brought the heat and let us play the hell out of a fantastic game - I cannot wait for MKX to come out. It is gorgeous and gory and more fun than you could possibly imagine. The remote wouldn’t have happened without them.
If you haven’t seen it yet, check out the biggest, most epic Clueless Gamer so far: The Seattle Seahawks’ Marshawn Lynch & the New England Patriots’ Rob Gronkowski join Conan to play the bloody Mortal Kombat X: