I do not in any way mean to offend anybody in this following post, I just need to get something out. This is just my opinion.
I have been exploring the Tumblr sugar tag since a few months before I was even 17. I read so many articles, advice, horror and success stories. I knew all the terms, what to wear, and how to act in certain situations. I had all the right clothes, shoes, bags and makeup routines down flat. I was an expert. And I truly began to embody the type of person I wanted to be for these men and I gained a lot of confidence. I knew everything there was to know about being a sugar baby.
Except that, at this point, I hadn’t actually been a sugar baby.
There was no one reason in particular that I hadn’t gone on any dates, but it seemed like the excuses changed each time I cancelled. Without ever having received an allowance before, I was like “Oh, my standards are higher than 3,000 a month.” I mean at this point 500 was a hell of a lot to me. Then I would somehow talk myself out of it last minute while in the parking lot of the Starbucks I was supposed to meet him at. Or claim to not have been able to find his Facebook so “he must not be real.” These excuses went on until finally, a week after I turned 18, I met my first POT at a Starbucks. He then offered me 800 to come to his hotel right down the street and sleep with him. So I did. And it was a truly horrific and traumatizing experience. I mean, this man was absolutely disgusting and was telling me about how his cum is kind of “silly-string” looking. He was fat, awkward, and wouldn’t stop talking about his wife and kids. So, I don’t know, yes I drove straight to the mall that night with 800 in my purse thinking “Oh my god, I am so rich.” and then within a week the pile of money was replaced with a pile of crap I never really needed.
I did this a few more times, especially when I was strapped for cash, and he used to bring drinks and try and make me cocktails in the rooms while we had our allotted “talking hour” conversing about boring things. I don’t know who he was trying to convince that I wasn’t a prostitute to make the situation feel better, me or him, but either way it still kind of irks me to this day when I think about it. And when I drove home that night with the money in my hand it felt good, but not good enough to override what just happened. And it was in that moment that although I thought I was the ultimate sugaring expert, I actually knew absolutely nothing about these men.
Things are these no one ever tells anybody on how to REALLY be a successful sugar baby:
You need to either be an amazing actress or be able to seriously compromise your morals. You need to decide if you are going to lie to the man about your entire life with some kind of story you tell all men, or if you are going to actually let him get to know you. This is unlike talking to any 50 or so year old man before. You are a commodity to these men, a fantasy experience that they purchased. You are not who you actually are. So you shouldn’t take it personally when a POT turns salt. It probably had nothing to do with your personality or looks. These men aren’t here to like you for you, not to mention I don’t feel safe giving them any of my identifying details anyways. I don’t want them to get to know me. I don’t want them to become part of my life. This doesn’t go for everyone, but for me I didn’t think I was truly cut out for building an ACTUAL relationship with these men not just for the money. I continued sugaring and it’s been on and off since and I now do a little bit of online sugaring (a story for another time). And I’m not saying you need to have a sexual relationship with these men. I haven’t just had bad experiences I’ve also had really good ones too.
I have noticed that I can’t even look at guys my age the same way anymore. It’s gotten to the point where a guy in one of my classes will try and approach me to ask on date and I immediately think, “I wonder if he will discuss allowance before then.” or “What am I getting out of this?” This world screws up your idea of relationships. It masks the actual idea of love with something completely different. And that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t become a sugar baby. But, speaking from experience and NOT just “research”, you need to be able to tell these two worlds apart. Don’t lose yourself in trying to chase after the money. You may think you know everything you need to know, but until you’ve jumped into the water, you will never really feel how cold it is.