Fitzgerald Grant gets the #GMurderer award for #Scandal213. I’m sorry for you people who are outraged because Fitz assisted Verna towards death’s embrace. Let’s face it, Death was checking his watch just waiting on Verna’s ass. Fitz knew what he had to do, and—as is usual for Fitz—he did not act solely out of selfishness. He sent her on her way to protect his legacy, Verna’s legacy, the rest of the extraordinary league of illuminati goons AND the goddamn Republic. So, in my book he is a G for that. Make of me what you will. 

The #OMGThisHappened award goes to #Mellitz. Truthfully, their fuckery doesn’t deserve a couples name, but it looks like this is how it’s going to be for a little while. No passion whatsoever. I’m not mad at you Fitz. In times of betrayal, I guess the devil you DO know is safer than the angel you THOUGHT you knew. Just, can you put the brown liquor down, please? k, thx. 

Quinn used to be just #Basic. Now she’s got the #Scandal213 award for #Cheap&Basic. Upgrade? Was this girl not in episode 212 along with all the other gladiators? Did she not learn that assassins receive upwards of $50,000 to $500,000 for their artistry? I mean, I can understand approaching Huck for a gladiator discount, but $5,000? Really, Quinn, really?

Damn, David! I’m sorry to tell you that you get the award for #MostBurnt. Nobody respects your white hat. In fact, I can’t even see it (tiny violin for your tiny white hat). And you went H.A.M on your girl, Abby, thereby losing out on love. Even little Ella seems scared of you. Homie, I’m gonna pour out a little bit of Fitz’s brown liquor for you. Better luck next time, dude. 

Finally! Abby proves she’ll go #OverACliff for Olivia and her fellow gladiators. This was one of the few episodes in which I thought Abby was less judgmental. I’m sorry she had to get hurt in the Dabby situation, but in the end David proved he wasn’t a stand up guy. She gets extra points for storing the memory card in the most discreet wallet ever: her bra. 

As expected, Verna gets the #Scandal213 award for #DieBitchDie. Verna was on a mission to scorch the earth before she dies. Lord Vernamort, as she’s been dubbed, was kicking ass and taking names from her hospital bed. She did a terrible thing for a selfish reason and wanted to hurt more people to absolve her conscience. Revenge is never a good look, kids, especially when you’re dying. #KeepItClassy. 

The #CarrieBradshaw award for #Scandal213 goes to Olivia Pope. Homegirl put her big girl panties on and was finally honest with both Edison and Fitz about what she wants. Although she was left with neither jam nor ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, cant-live-without-each-other LOVE, she is in a better place than her catatonic state of guilt last week. Chin up, babes. You’ll get there. 

I loved Scandal 213, so I'm Handing Out Awards all Day

Who cares about Emmys, Golden Globes and SAG awards. I’m handing out Tumblr hashtag awards for characters in 213. I’ll tag them #Scandal213. Coming up soon because I need a laugh.