and without them hating you or ruining the friendship? I have this workmate who was hitting on me and all the time I was just indifferent because I don’t want to lead him on but I also don’t want him to stop liking me. I just want us to be friends. How do I break the “bad news” to him without him hating me or him getting hurt? Sorry for the bother. I’ll wait for your reply though. I love you and stay awesome and beautiful! You inspire us.
Hello! First of all, thank you so much for the compliments! You’re very kind. As for your situation, I want you to know that you have done absolutely nothing wrong. You are well within your rights to desire a friendship with someone and nothing more.
But the fact is, rejection sucks, no matter how prettily you wrap it up. Rejection will hurt him a bit, but that’s just life. Nothing you can do to avoid it completely, and everybody faces rejection sometimes.
If this guy is a decent human being, he’ll respect your wishes and leave it at that. Hopefully he’ll be okay with keeping the relationship platonic and just being friends, but there’s also a possibility that’s not what he’s interested in and he may cut ties completely. There’s nothing you can do about that, and neither of you would be at fault in that situation.
I also want to state in the clearest terms possible that being friendly or being a friend to someone who is romantically/sexually interested in you IS NOT LEADING THEM ON.
If you desire friendship with someone, being friendly to them is clearly stating your intentions. Being friendly to someone does not constitute flirting, nor does it necessarily mean you’re romantically or sexually interested.
As for what to say, I’d probably go with something like, “I think you’re a really great guy, but I just don’t feel that way about you, sorry.” Some people will tell you to say something like “I’m not looking for a relationship right now,” and while that can be effective, I think it’s unfair to you to have to block yourself off from all romantic connections just to spare the ego of this guy. What if the guy of your dreams walks in the next day? Are you going to pretend you’re still not interested in dating?
So yeah, I’d try to tell him as nicely as possible that he’s awesome, but he’s just not for you. Good luck! xx