sarahfox

4

My name is Sarah Jean Fox, or at least it will be legally soon, for now it’s legally mikey :/ (explained in a bit.

I am almost 28 years old. i was born in kansas. i have worked around 20 different jobs, i have lived in multiple states, i have been to around 27 states, and i have been to around 15 countries. but now i am lucky just to get out of bed to work.

I was in boy scouts since grade school and made Eagle Scout. I joined the U.S. Navy when i was 20 and became Mobile Security which was ATFP (anti terrorism/force protection) at a NECC(naval expeditionary combat command). I am autistic with Aspergers(and yes they let you serve with aspergers, i am definitely not the only one to do so). but one thing i did not know when i joined is that i also have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome and all the joyful conditions it includes. i was adopted as a newborn with a closed adoption, which is one reason i didn’t know about the EDS. but thanks to the adoption case worker i do know that i have a little bit of Native American and English heritage.its because of the EDS that my life is falling apart.

I am also Transgender and queer. dealing with long term clinical depression, general anxiety, ptsd, bpd, ADHD, i’ve been abused, used, cheated on, lied to, stolen from, literally abandoned, and lost people i cared about. currently my health is plummeting and i now have to use a cane the majority of the time as well as multiple supportive braces. in the last 3 years i have had to leave multiple jobs because of my health getting worse. the veteran hospital i am stuck dealing with in kansas city is not treating me properly concerning my gender or my chronic illness that is destroying my life and they are bordering maltreatment.

(example, they have been prescribing me estrogen since july 2014, however they never did a preliminary blood test. i have only had one follow up appointment at which they still did not do a blood test to monitor hormone levels. i haven’t even been seeing the actual DR just one of his nurses who doesn’t know what he is doing and runs to the doc each time i have a question and at my follow up i asked why they weren’t doing the blood tests to monitor hormone levels the nurse goes and asks the DR and comes back and tells me they think that just sounds like something other docs do to just get extra money from the patients. da fuq? and then they refuse to prescribe testosterone blockers even though i’m already on estrogen. i just had an appointment with the psych about that and she wont approve it until i completely redo my therapy and counseling… even though… i’m already taking estrogen…prescribed by them…???) i am not waiting till i am 30. i can’t i wont. if i cant start my transition before the end of this year i never will. after 30 the effects of the hormones reduces drastically.

aside from that i was diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome just before i got out of the Navy at which time they instructed me to get a further detailed diagnoses with the veterans hospital once i got out. shortly after going to the vet hospital i ask to be seen by rheumatologist but nothing happens, i ask my pcp why and was told the Rheumy replied “EDS is a genetic condition there is nothing i can do, prone to aneurisms.” and that was all. after that its been hell trying to work with a pain specialist there that wont give me anything stronger than tramadol for pain. i had to fill a back pack with all of the over the counter braces and supports i’ve been buying with my own money and throw it at his feet and basically yell at him just to get him to order me proper braces that will actually help with my condition.

the KCVAMC will not help me with my disability and that includes the vfw, dav, all of the alphabet soups that are supposed to help. they say they cant find my active duty records. and even the archives in st louis says they dont have them.

when i first got out of the navy i started going to the vet hospital in richmond and i LOVED it. they actually know what the are doing when it comes to transgender healthcare. and they are better suited to handle someone like me with a degenerative chronic condition like my EDS and everything it is doing to me. the KCVAMC doesn’t know what they are doing and they don’t even care. i tried going to patient advocate and nothing has happened. the last time i went to the ER there for severe pain, so much so i had to leave early from work, the ER doc literally said to me “well what do you want me to do?” and then proceeded to treat me like i was a junky trying to get narcotics… I’ve never HAD narcotics…?

well that’s the healthcare side. now for my home life. because of my health i now barely work part time as a cashier for an electronics store making less than $400 a paycheck. when i am not at work i am mostly at home in bed because i’m hurting so much. i still don’t qualify for state disability for some unknown reason. then there is my “family” the people that adopted me. the people that are hardcore conservative republican southern baptist christians that refuse to accept i’m not the “boy” they hand picked as a baby. they refuse to accept me for who i am, even when that means my “mother” finding me in the middle of a suicide attempt and refusing to take me to a hospital and making me wait it out.

they constantly doubt me, treat me like i am nothing, as though nothing i do at all is good. they never support any decision i make. they still treat me like i am a preteen child. they treat me as though my autism makes me less than a person. they don’t respect me in any way or any of my choices. they don’t want me to be my own person. my “mother” has a That 70’s Show wallpaper on her computer because THAT is the exact family she wanted. she is a two faced lying manipulative… person. my “dad” is the reason i have panic attacks when people yell in arguments and other stuff. they refuse to understand that i have a chronic illness and cant function the way i used to anymore. they ignore my depression, anxiety, pain. the minimize it all. they demand respect and trust when they do nothing if not the opposite to earn it. i have nothing to hide from them but they are constantly prying into every aspect of my life. it is because of them i am currently in progress of moving all of my possessions into my storage unit and likely moving into my car very soon.

i have had 3 suicide attempts since i have been back and living with them from a combination of the stress from them and my gender dysphoria and the lack of progress with my transition. i cant be myself at “home” and i am legitimately afraid of going out in public as myself and if i do so its not for very long. i felt safe everywhere i went in virginia.

the reasons i am so desperate to get back to virginia is to get away from the family that refuses to accept for who i am and treats me like crap. to get away from the ex wife and completely rid myself of the chance of going back to that abusive relationship(she is still trying to use me). to get better healthcare from a facility that actually cares about me and knows what they are doing. for my physical, mental, and emotional well being. kansas is nothing but pain for me. in virginia i have soooo many friends i saw multiple times a week every week at events i eagerly anticipated each week. virginia is leaps and bounds ahead of kansas as far as the lgbt community. i felt self being who i was in VA, i do NOT feel safe in kansas. i know the trans support group in VA. i haven’t even found one nor would i be comfortable going to one in KS. basically i have a larger and closer network of support in VA where in KS i have practically none.

and seeing how i make so little money now with what bills i have taking the majority of my paychecks its not possible for me to save the money needed to move as soon as i can. the photos above list the costs needed for the basic move from kansas to virginia and the route.

with everything added up plus a small extra amount for emergency i need in all about $2,000 in order to move. and i can not even begin to convey just how truly desperate i am asking for help like this. if you would like to help any amount helps. and if you cannot donate i beg that you please share this. reblog it, retweet it, anything. i need help to get home.

Paypal sarahjcowel@gmail.com

http://www.gofundme.com/l7r32g

and a note on the gofundme. it was created a while ago to help with my transition but that was when i was still working a better job. now my only concern is getting to a safe home to get the proper healthcare from the right veterans hospital that wont neglect me. 

http://www.youcaring.com/other/sarah-needs-help-moving-for-proper-healthcare/351747

if you are able to help in any way by either donating or passing this along, THANK YOU so very much. random acts of kindness truly can be life changers or even savers. and i realize i am just another stranger asking for money, if you have any questions PLEASE ask me anything. i am an open book.

9

Although I had seen the sign many times before, both in it’s original format or changed for resistance art, I never really knew what the sign was from exactly. Finally looked it up, and read this article about the sign, its location, and designer. Does anyone know if these signs are still up on San Diego interstates?


PHOTOS (starting top left to bottom right:)

1) The original sign

2) I saw this sign when I was driving around in DC this week for the DREAM graduation. It was on a residential street, right in the heart of the capitol. It immediately struck me as resembling the “caution” sign–exact same family structure: man, woman, and little girl–but instead this family was some kind of polite bourgeois family that drivers needed to be warned was crossing the street in DC??

3) This is Banksy’s kite flying version. He put it up in California, around the time of the 2011 Oscars according to this article.

4) I really wish I could credit this version, I will keep looking for the original poster of this, but I had just found it on tumblr, really liked it, and saved it to my computer. If anyone knows who made it, let me know.  This is a Zapatista family, and it says “They won’t stop us, not here nor there.”

UPDATE: Remembered the blog i got it from: http://todos-somos-marcos.tumblr.com/ Abajo y a la izquierda. So could be made by the person who runs that blog, they didn’t credit anyone else. 

5) “Los Angeles painter Rosa M. Huerta-Williamson depicted them as a modern-day Jesus, Mary and Joseph in 1994 when she painted ‘La Sagrada Familia en Aztlan,’ which features the characters running beneath a flaming sacred heart and cross.

'What I was trying to do was indicate that this could be the sacred family and we wouldn’t recognize them,’ said Huerta-Williamson, who sold the painting to a Mexican-American professor and his wife. 'As long as these people don’t have faces, white Americans don’t have to think about the fact that they have feelings.’”

6) I found this here. It was also mentioned in the above article, and has been designed a couple different ways.

7) This one is from this article. It’s by Luis Genaro Garcia.

8) This photo is a cropped version of a photo from this photo set:   Photo: Yue Wu, The Chronicle / SF. It is from the West Coast DREAM Graduation that happened Saturday June 30th, 2012 in San Francisco. Cap is from the Orange County Dream Team logo (Thanks whereismimente!) See more of this design on their website!

9) Lalo Alcaraz !!

4

Ok so i found this picture on the internet for free download and sharing. it is not mine. all i have been doing is coloring it in with Microsoft Paint. i havent worked on it in a while and its not finished but this is what i have so far. again completely done with Microsoft Paint. i zoom in to maximum and color it pixel by pixel. which is why its been taking so long to finish.

Ok personal update.

I quit the job at the large retail company that starts with Wal…. They continued to treat me like i was faking my disability and all kinds of other stuff but doing so in subtle ways i couldn’t retaliate to. So I’m done there. Now I’m working at a computer store as a cashier. It was a huge pay cut and i went from full time with health insurance to part time with no insurance.

But hopefully now i can try to go back to college. Only i have no clue what for now since because of my health i can’t be a mechanic anymore.

But now there’s really no way my gf(ex wife soon to be wife again)and our girl and i can get a place of our own now.

The veteran hospital is still continuing to screw me over. I just had an app with Endo and even though they are giving me 4mg of estradiol they won’t give me Spiro. They still aren’t taking my Ehlers-danlos syndrome seriously. My pain meds aren’t having any affect anymore. I still have a broken tooth that needs fixed. My glasses are broke and i haven’t had an eye exam since 2012. My pain is getting worse and i am having to use a cane almost all the time now.

The fuel pump went out on the family car so that’s dead. All i have now is the race car(i say race car but it’s just a modified dodge neon i was working on and building to race at the track before my ex wife and i got back together now it’s just slowly falling apart) but we can’t drive our girl in it and it needs repairs as well.

My parents are getting worse at triggering my gender dysforia. They just don’t care and refuse to accept me. They are hardcore super southern Baptist Christian republicans. I hate that i had to move back in with them after i got out of the military. My gf and i need our own place again asap. My parents were a big reason for my Suic… attempt last month. Of course everything kinda weighed in on that.

Thankfully my gf is finally trying to accept me for who i am and get used to me as Sarah. So things are going great which is amazing because i love her and her new little girl is just precious. And the history about her and I is we started dating when we were 15 years old and freshmen in high school. But we also went to the same daycare as toddlers. We started dating in 2003 and got married in 2007. A few days after we married i left for the military our relationship had always been rough but we loved each other and it’s like we were literally meant for each other. Anyway we got divorced in 2011 and were separated for years until last year we started talking again and then once we worked out the bigger issues of our past we started dating again and things are going great. She has a daughter now that’s almost 2 and we are hoping we can have one of our own. But living separately is not exactly letting us be a family.

Anyway life is good.

CAN’T WAIT FOR THIS BOOK TO BE PUBLISHED

Foreword \ Alicia Gaspar de Alba

Introduction: Toward a De-Colonial Performatics of the US Latina and Latino Borderlands \ Chela Sandoval, Arturo J. Aldama, and Peter J. García

ACTO 1. Performing Emancipation: Inner Work, Public Acts
1. Body as Codex-ized Word / Cuerpo Como Palabra (en-)Códice-ado: Chicana/Indígena and Mexican Transnational Performative Indigeneities \ Micaela Díaz-Sánchez
2. Milongueando Macha Homoerotics: Dancing the Tango, Torta Style (a Performative Testimonio) \ Maria Lugones
3. The Other Train That Derails Us: Performing Latina Anxiety Disorder in “The Night before Christmas” \ Angie Chabram-Dernersesian
4. The Art of Place: The Work of Diane Gamboa \ Karen Mary Davalos
5. Human Rights, Conditioned Choices, and Performance in Ana Castillo’s Mixquihuala Letters \ Carl Gutiérrez-Jones
6. Decolonizing Gender Performativity: A Thesis for Emancipation in Early Chicana Feminist Thought (1969—1979) \ Daphne V. Taylor-García

ACTO 2. Ethnographies of Performance: The Río Grande and Beyond
7. Performing Indigeneity in a South Texas Community: Los Matachines de la Santa Cruz \ Norma E. Cantú
8. Re-Membering Chelo Silva: The Bolero in Chicana Perspective (Women’s Bodies and Voices in Postrevolutionary Urbanization: The Bohemian, Urban, and Transnational) \ Yolanda Broyles-González
9. Roland Barthes, Mojado, in Brownface: Chisme-laced Snapshots Documenting the Preposterous and Fact-laced Claim That the Postmodern Was Born along the Borders of the Río Grande River \ William Anthony Nericcio
10. Decolonial Border Queers: Case Studies of Chicana/o Lesbians, Gay Men, and Transgender Folks in El Paso / Juárez \ Emma Pérez
11 “Te Amo, Te Amo, Te Amo”: Lorenzo Antonio and Sparx Performing Nuevo México Music \ Peter J. García
12. Sonic Geographies and Anti-Border Musics: “We Didn’t Cross the Border, the Borders Crossed Us” \ Roberto D. Hernández
13. Lila Downs’s Borderless Performance: Transculturation and Musical Communication \ Brenda M. Romero

ACTO 3. Nepantla Aesthetics in the Trans/Nacional
14. El Macho: How the Women of Teatro Luna Became Men \ Paloma Martínez-Cruz and Liza Ann Acosta
15. Suturing Las Ramblas to East LA: Transnational Performances of Josefina López’s Real Women Have Curves \ Tiffany Ana López
16. Loving Revolution: Same-Sex Marriage and Queer Resistance in Monica Palacios’s Amor y Revolución \ Marivel T. Danielson
17. Is Ugly Betty a Real Woman? Representations of Chicana Femininity Inscribed as a Site of (Transformative) Difference \ Jennifer Esposito
18. Indian Icon, Gay Macho: Felipe Rose of Village People \ Gabriel S. Estrada

ACTO 4. (De)Criminalizing Bodies: Ironies of Performance
19. No Somos Criminales: Crossing Borders in Contemporary Latina and Latino Music \ Arturo J. Aldama
20. “Pelones y Matones”: Chicano Cholos Perform for a Punitive Audience \ Victor M. Rios and Patrick Lopez-Aguado
21. Mexica Hip Hop: Male Expressive Culture \ Pancho McFarland
22. The Latino Comedy Project and Border Humor in Performance \ Jennifer Alvarez Dickinson
23. (Re)Examining the Latin Lover: Screening Chicano/Latino Sexualities \ Daniel Enrique Pérez
24. Rumba’s Democratic Circle in the Age of Legal Simulacra \ Berta Jottar-Palenzuela

President Obama on the bus where Rosa Parks made civil disobedience history.

Dear President,

I am worried that you are only going to make history for being the first biracial president to deport more people than the Bush administration. If you get a second term, which I very much hope you will, fix your mistakes and be a true hero to the people.

Thanks,

Sarah