steve, contrary to his good ole boy captain america image, is an incredibly messy person. he leaves his clothes on the floor right beside the hamper and forgets to wash the pots he left in the sink to soak and never refolds the big comfy quilt that mama wilson had made for them and it drives bucky up the fucking wall. so he starts planning, because he can only take so many half-empty takeout boxes spilling onto the coffee table before he snaps
"this," he announces, after fifteen minutes spent corralling his roommates into the living room (and only succeeding because he told them there was pizza), "is the chore chart. as you can see, it has our names in the columns, and all the chores we’ll do for the week in the accompanying rows"
sam raises a hand and waves it vigorously. bucky couldn’t help but sigh. he should have known they wouldn’t take this seriously. “yes, sam?”
"what if we don’t do our chores? will we get punished or something?? also can i go to the bathroom?"
"wha - no, you can’t go to the bathroom, jesus, just hold it for like five minutes. and yes, that’s a great question, sam! what will happen if you don’t do your chores?” here he glared pointedly at steve, who didn’t look even remotely as contrite as bucky thought he should. “if you don’t do your chores, you cede control of the remote. for a whole week”
at this, all of their heads snap up, and bucky feels a sharp grin come over his face
"are you gonna do your damn chores now?" he asks, a bit meanly, but hey, can you really blame him? he’s been living with a massive slob and two people that don’t care enough to pick up the slack for months now. he deserves to have some fun with this
steve and sam nod somberly while natasha just rolls her eyes and quips sarcastically, “whatever you say dad,” but bucky can tell by the stiff set of her shoulders and the almost imperceptible way her eyes dart to the remote, sitting innocently on top of their frankly massive tv, that she’s worried
"alright, that’s all i wanted to say. just remember that i’ll be watching you. all of you. and steve, i expect those dishes washed and on the drying rack by 1800 hours”