İntihar ipinin cennet çiçekleri ile süslendiği verandaya yürüyorum. 
Kırmızıya boyanmış her adım. 
Siyah kelebeklerin yıpranmış kanatları çarpıyor ölü derime. 
Islak köpek kokuyor karanfiller. 
Mor yağmurlar yağıyor. 
Devler savaşıyor gürleyerek gökyüzünde. 
Çığlıklarım birer birer sallanıyor intihar ipinde.

Zen Ganzfeld

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sallanırsa da yıkılmaz tahtım anlıyonuz mu aq unfollowcuları

This spring I will be sharing my transition from female-to-male story along with clinical details related to the transgender community with over 19 institutions and thousands of people. I’ve been doing this work for eight years now and continue to see the demand increase. If your University or institution is looking for a presentation for this fall, please contact me soon. My schedule gets fuller with each year that passes. I promise to inspire, make you laugh….and fill you with hope.

Advice & References for LGBTQ People

Please keep in mind that I am not a gender therapist. My youtube videos, answers, and writings are only based off of my own experience as a transgender FTM individual. Also, there are some things included that were published by other LGBTQ people. If you have anything to add to this advice page please let me know! I want to extend this to help more LGBTQ people. This list will be added to and updated as much as possible. If there’s a topic that you think I should include please let me know and I will add it. This is for YOU! Thank you. 

Coming Out Advice (LGBTQ)

Coming Out To Parents
In School
Family (Extended), Family, School  
Being Comfortable & Visible
Parents Readjusting 
Get Parents Comfortable 
Advice from Ryan Sallans (FTM)

Binding Advice: 
Underworks Binder Review
Underworks vs. T-Kingdom (different types of binders)
How I Got A Binder/Different Ways to Bind
Pain & How Many Hrs to wear A Binder
Rib Damage (Video by DominoAyeJae)
Where to Get a Binder  
Emotional Aspects of Binding
Chest Binding 101 (from
Website to Get Binder (Underworks Ftm section)
Binding 101 (Hudson’s Guide)
Don’t Have a Binder 
Binder Giveaways

How To Support Trans Friends:
Friends & Relationships 
What Not To Say to A Trans Person (Article by Matt Kailey)

Advice For Parents:
From my Mom (pronouns, coming out, how to come around) 

Gender Dysphoria: 
Stay Strong & You’re Not Alone (GENDER DYSPHORIA VIDEO) (FTM)
Things You Can Do To Cope 

Dealing With Bullying: 
How To Deal W/ Bullies 

STP: (Stand-To-Pee)
Ultimate Guide (
Hudson’s Guide for STP/Packers (Hudson’s Guide) 

Top Surgery
Without Hormones (Tissue Regrowth - FTM)
How To Find A Surgeon (
Surgeons that perform on Under 18
Surgeons that perform without Testosterone
What Is Top Surgery? (by Dr. M Brownstein)

Different Transgender Terms:  
Trans Umbrella
What is? Gender Queer
Terminology (Hudson’s Guide) 

MTF Surgery & Hormones
Surgery & Hormones (Wild Gender Article/Toni Newman) 
Hormones: A Guide for MTF’s (Trans Health) (MTF)
Surgery Procedures (from Marci Bowers)  

Routes of Transitioning
Without Hormones (FTM)
With Hormones (by Ryan Sallans) (FTM)
Testosterone 101 (Hudson’s FTM Guide)
How To Find A Gender Therapist (
Hormones: A Guide for MTF’s (Trans Health) (MTF) 
Not Taking Hormones (Effects by Natalie Sweetwine/Youtube) (MTF) 
Why Mental Preparation is Important (FTM - youtube video by IanDiscovered)

Struggling W Gender Identity
I Think I Might Be Trans, Now What Do I Do? (Advocate for Youth)  

Passing As Male
What Makes Me Pass  (FTM)
Height (FTM)
The truth about Height ( for everyone) 

Gender Marker Change Info
California State (both for FTM/MTF) 

Know Your Rights: (TRANS*)

Find A Local LGBT Center:
Center Locater (Worldwide)
SF Center
Long Island Center
New York City Center
Western South Dakota

LGBTQ Friendly Publications
We Are The Youth (Stories of LGBTQ youth, includes coming out)
Original Plumbing (Trans Male Quarterly)
Go Magazine (Lesbian publication) 
The Advocate (Gay News) 
Wild Gender (Online Gender Journal) 

LGBT & Religion:
LGBT Christianty Tumblr Blog


New Books, Essays, Poetry, Plays, and/or Zines On Our Radar

Scout Publishing’s The Outrider Review

out·rid·er (outrdr)


1. A guide; an escort; a forerunner.

2. A person who goes in advance to investigate, to discover a way; a scout

Personal Message: Hi everyone! Rebecca here. Ryan Sallans over the years has become an internet confidant, educator, survey/charter assistant, Pub bud, and friend. If you are familiar with KNOWhomo, you have most likely encountered out raves about Ryan’s autobiography Second Son. 

Ryan has expanded his lecture series, events, and writing over the last year. Scout Publishing LLC is now an operating dream of his and he has published the company’s first internet ‘Zine, THE OUTRIDER REVIEW. KNOWhomo moderator, Ruth Elizabeth, contributed to the first issue along with numerous other creative individuals. The ‘Zine consists of art, photography, short stories, fiction, nonfiction, prose, and insight. 

Each issue is $2. For those who feel that $2 may be something to look away from, please remember that we are all champions of each other. Tumblr’s top blogs and amazing individuals are able to create, generate, and transform by the help of your support. I would encourage anyone who reads The Outrider Review to think of their support as a donation to continue work and creative processes by the LGBTQ* community and its allies.

The Outrider Review is also taking submissions for next month. I will include that information below of click HERE to take you directly to the page.

And as always: Keep On, Keeping On! - Rebecca

From ScoutPublishingLLC:

We are currently accepting original, unpublished works of poetry and prose, both fiction and non-fiction, and artwork for our second issue.  Submission deadline is March 1st, 2014.

To submit your work, email a word document of your writing or a high resolution jpeg image of your artwork to

Other items needed in your submission: Author Name, Title of Work, Brief Description (if artwork), and Brief Author Bio.

Interested in advertising in The Outrider Review? Email to receive the current Ad Rate Card.

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The Self Made Men | Philadelphia TransHealth Conference

pembekurdalem said:

Ya Uğur nolur sen de yap şu kovadan su boşaltma işini:D eğer yaparsan ve videosunu da burada paylaşırsan tumblr sallanır bee:D hadi benim gibi düşünen varsa beğeni atın Uğur'u gaza getirelimm :D:D

bunu yapacağımı düşünmüyosunuz dimi :) :)


Ryan Sallans comes to our school! Of course, it had to be followed by beer with friends. Zak and Adrian of Art of Transliness!  Me. Friends Monica, Cameron, and Acorn. Life is good. Thank you Ryan for a evening we’ll never forget. If any of you have a chance to hear him talk- TAKE IT, you won’t be sorry. I promise.

It’s been awhile since I have posted comparison photos. I put these photos up for a couple reasons. 1) I think it’s fun to see the changes the body goes through from surgery and testosterone. 2) To remind us all that change is possible BUT it takes time. Also, when looking at other people’s transition pictures, please keep in mind that we all change differently, we all come in different shapes and sizes and we all have our limitations. Enjoy your own transition process and your individual experiences. 


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Questions About Hormones from Family and Transgender Individuals
Metoidioplasty Information

This is part 4 in a series of posts summarizing what was said during the Gender Odyssey conference in Seattle from August 14-17, 2014. This is not basic knowledge, but rather it is supplemental knowledge. This is knowledge to expand upon what you already know but does not provide groundwork for fully understanding it otherwise. For more information I am always available to answer questions.

Dr. Crane – San Francisco, CA
Dr. Bowers – Burlingame, CA. Presented by her co-surgeon, Dr. Nicole.
Dr. Meltzer – Scottsdale, AZ

Ryan Sallans – Speaking about his meta experience with the Serbian team

Dr. Crane refers to metoidioplasty as “a surgical buffet for your genitals”. There are a lot of options for what you can have done when it comes to meta and for the most part you pick and choose what you want and don’t want. Urethral lengthening, vaginectomy, scotoplasty, testicular implants, fully or partially joined scrotum, scrotum pushed forward, mons resection, you get the idea. There are a lot of options here.

Dr. Crane has been performing metoidioplasty since 2004 and in the past year and a half has done over 60. He’s a reconstructive urologist and has done several fellowships, trainings, and studies all across the world working on perfecting his techniques. He describes his complication rate, specifically his fistula/stricture rate, as being between 10-20%, but says his actual rates are much lower. If urethral lengthening without a vaginectomy is desired then this rate increased to 25%. This is further explained at the bottom of this post.
Dr. Meltzer has performed 75 bottom surgery operations over the past 3 years, though he began his practice in 1990. By 1996 trans people comprised about half of all of his patients and by 2003 roughly 95% of his work is dedicated to serving the trans community. He has 7 years of urological experience and completed a 17 year fellowship focusing on urology, which he puts to work and is now able to report having a 3% complication rate for bottom surgery. He hasn’t had a fistula since 1996 but he has had strictures, for which he uses buccal mucosa tissue to fix and has a 50% success rate with this.

Dr. Meltzer utilizes external scrotal ports for his tissue expanders. If I remember correctly they stick out of the skin about as high up on the abdomen as the hip bones are, but I can’t say this is an exact measurement. In the past patients would need to use a syringe and needle to inject air (I think it was air? They weren’t very specific about this) into the expanders, which caused a lot of problems with infection or with people being too nervous/afraid to do it. With these external ports you just need to pump them to add air. The tissue expanders help loosen the skin that will later be used to create the scrotum. Loose skin means the scrotum can hang more naturally and there is more skin to work with. Dr. Crane finds that tissue expanders are not necessary, but from the experiences I gathered from other surgeons they’re nice to have since the skin isn’t stretched so tight when the testicular implants are placed, which otherwise can cause a lot of bruising or swelling.

Dr. Meltzer and the Serbian team that Ryan Sallans saw both encourage pumping to increase the size of the phallus both pre- and post-op. Post-op this also helps to keep the penis from retracting and coming closer to the body as it heals. Doing so would mean a loss of size. Meltzer showed pictures of his star patient and they were incredible – this guy was 3 inches post-op and could pump himself up to 4.5 inches with a 1.5 inch girth. Once blood flow goes down this immediate size increase will subside but over time it can stretch tissue and lead to permanent increases. For more information on getting started with pumping, look here. Dr. Crane said that the typical size one can expect to have post-op is between 4-6 cm, which translates to roughly 1.5-2.5 inches, but this is dependent upon how long your erectile tissue is as it is anchored to your pubic bone. You can’t release this any further without risking severely damaging your penis. Dr. Bowers reported that the typical size you can expect post-op is between 3-8cm (roughly 1-3 inches) and that 10 cm (4 inches) is exceptional and quite rare. So their rates are quite similar and I’m sure she can report a wider variety because she has seen more patients.

Interestingly enough, Dr. Meltzer has performed metoidioplasty on someone who was unable to be on testosterone due to medical problems. As far as I was aware no surgeon is willing to operate on someone who isn’t on hormones and every surgeon required a person to have been on testosterone for at least 2 years – This is the case with Dr. Crane and Dr. Bowers. The outcome looked similar to a pre-op trans man’s genitalia on testosterone, since there wasn’t sufficient size to actually stand out, if that makes sense. So his genitalia was masculinized to the extent that it could be. He later was cleared to start testosterone and found no issues with growing even though he was already post-op.

I asked Dr. Nicole (Dr. Bowers wasn’t actually present for the presentation as she had to fly home early) if they had ever performed bottom surgery on someone underage and got a surprising answer. The answer was that yes, they have. The only requirement they have is that you must be have at least 2 years of adequate testosterone usage, so you would need to start testosterone between the ages of around 12-15 to qualify for a meta underage. The key word here is adequate – So people on a very low dose of hormones might need to be on testosterone for longer before they qualify. Again, I was very surprised because almost all of the information I’ve heard requires that you be 18 years of age. This would be a very surgeon-specific decision and as far as I know Dr. Bowers is the only one in the US to allow this. Dr. Bowers listed her prices for meta (including everything) as:
$5,000 – Simple meta/release
$16,000 – Ring meta

She also said that going from a simple meta to a ring meta is difficult. In Ring meta the use inner labial tissue to create the new urethra and in the simple meta this tissue is removed (they did not specify if this was partially or fully removed).

A fantastic thing that Dr. Nicole mentioned, and I find it to be a great note to end on, is that her and Dr. Bowers are working to teach at UCSF to train new GRS surgeons. Dr. Bowers has trained with (and has helped to train) surgeons from Brazil, Mexico, China, New Zealand, Israel, and Serbia, to name a few places, and wants to bring up new people in the United States. This would help to reduce waiting times and to get more local surgeons, the end result being that people won’t have to wait as long or travel as far to have their operations done.

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New video created to help those that have a bit of needle phobia when preparing for an intramuscular shot. The comments/answers below the video may also be helpful to clarify or expand on issues presented. And as noted in the caption, it may be beneficial to check with your provider regarding subcutaneous shots.