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the intros that jason keeps going through for tucker is amazin ng and i m acry ing this isn’t even the only video this is only the outtakes for season three i am in te a r s


I just wrote the most personal and progressive poem. This may be my favorite just because so much of it is true. I had been writing parts of it in my mind but never actually written any of it down. Usually when I do that I end up forgetting it. But it’s been a week and was still fresh in my mind. I’ll post it Friday night.

I am in no way ready to go back to class tomorrow. My break wasn’t long enough. Monday and Tuesday were good days and the rest were spent doing my hair, sleeping and watching How I Met Your Mother on Netflix. Paintball was so much fun. Tuesday was the best. Chimborazo park is definitely my favorite place in Richmond. I finally got to sit on the roof of my Rover and look up at the stars. It was beautiful! Best night ever.

Dream 3/13/13

I was out with my friends and saw my best friend. Something was wrong but he wouldn’t tell me what. He just hugged me tight and wouldn’t let go. When he did he just walked away and I followed him. He told me that something had happened to his grandmother. We cried and I hugged him telling him everything was going to be alright. When I woke up it was like I could feel his arms still around me.

I got a message this morning before I took my exam. I couldn’t look at it until afterwards. Needless to say that exam was horrible. The message made me smile though. It was my only sincere smile of the day. My best friend sent me a text saying you’re gonna do great, thumbs up and a selfie giving me a thumbs up. I made the message my wallpaper on my phone. I need some encouragement. He believes in me more than I do myself.


I was told to find things that I find calming and surround myself with them. Petting a goat was the first suggestion. That’s weird. Watching funny videos or cat videos were then suggested. I watch Dormtainment videos but that’s about it. I really like beautiful places, landscapes, beaches, any place that I can imagine just going and zoning out. I lacking coping skills, I just focus on the problem until it’s solved. I can’t accept that some things are out of my hands and that I can’t do anything about it. 2014 is turning out to be the worst year of my life.

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1/3/14 My first good day of the year!

The last time I left the house was New Years Eve. That seems strange but I’ve been sleeping and exercising since my truck and phone were acting up. I decided yesterday that I would do something plus I was out of water so I had to go to Walmart. Also because my uncle told me to go somewhere. He gave me his keys so I might as well. However I couldn’t sleep last night. So I went to sleep around 4 am. Woke up at 7 so that I could be up and ready by the time my best friend got off work at 9 am. That didn’t work out as planned. Technically I was there on time but he left early. I didn’t trip. I went to Walmart and got my stuff. I get a email from school about them going apartment checks. I got back across town in time to straighten up my room. Fastest clean up in history. While I was cleaning off my desk I found the Nike fuelband I bought off of ebay back in October. I tried to sell it once I noticed that the button was broken and someone bought it but never paid. So I charged it up and put it on. It still works because I plugged it in to my computer and it tracked every step I took today. Cool. Cool. I might keep it. So I came back home and took a nap. My uncle left for work and we switched batteries again. I got up around 3:30 and went to the UPS store to finally mail my friend’s Christmas gift. Then I went to Best Buy to get my new phone. No more switching batteries and just annoyance from being cut off from the world. While I was getting it activated this guy caught a attitude with the sales associate because she helped the lady that was behind him first. He snapped. He told the manager that he thought it was based on race because she was black and helped the black woman first. The lady helping me was like wow. She didn’t agree at all. I looked at him like he was crazy. All of this disturbance and all he wanted was some screen protectors. FOH! So after that I went to Walgreens to get more Ambi soap. I called my best friend because he forgot that he promised that we would hang out today since our New Years Eve plans got cancelled. We got Sweet Frog even though its freezing cold outside. We had a great talk. It’s always good to talk to someone that understands and cares. After that I went home to see Blue. He missed me. Overall a pretty good day. And I started going the poetry challenge that I reblogged last night when I couldn’t sleep. I actually started writing in my Marvel journal I bought months ago. I’ll take a picture of the first poem and post it.

Last night’s dream was very detailed, realistic and quite confusing.

I was hanging out with some friends and one of their girlfriends was there. She kept talking to me and asking me questions. “How long have y’ll known each other?” “He doesn’t answer every time I call.” “Were you with him when he didn’t answer his phone.”  I got aggravated fast and tried to distance myself. She kept talking after me and I threatened her. I told her I could make her disappear without a trace. She told her boyfriend and he told her to leave me alone. She continued picking and we got into an argument. She told her boyfriend that she didn’t want him being friends with me anymore. I snapped. I had my hands around her throat at one point. I yelled that she could never do what I do for him. Shit got real. I left. I saw her bag and IPhone laying on my car seat and I pitched it out of the window.

I woke up after that. That’s crazy and what made it worse is that the girl I was fighting with was actually my friend and we never argue. She’s never met the other friend’s that were in the dream. I know who she was supposed to be though. I hope that wasn’t a sign.   

My best friend and I climbed this wall. It was crazy. My idea of course. He went along with it. We went the wrong way and didn’t want to walk back to get on the right path. I scratched my lens cap climbing it but have a great memory from it.

I can’t feel my lips because I’ve been drinking but I must say I’m quite happy =) ♥

I had another dream similar to this one; same people, different scenario: time I was at my friend’s house and it was after 3 am and he told me to stay because it was too late to drive. I get a call from two of my other friends and they needed me to come get them. I go. For whatever reason I brought them back to his house. It was fine until it was time to go to sleep. Then all of a sudden she got loud. She kept trying to mess with him while he was sleeping. Kay left her with me because she got annoyed with her. She broke the dresser drawer in his room. She was acting crazy. He woke up and looked at me like it was my fault. But it was my fault since I brought her there. I got mad because she was being disrespectful to his house. I helped him fix the drawer and put his stuff back that she had been throwing at him. Then I told her to get her stuff and I took her back to my dorm. I was so mad so I called one of our other friends to come get her. She was mad at me and the only way she knew to get back at me was to post a secret about me on the Internet. The whole time I was thinking when did she become such a bitch or was she always like this and I didn’t acknowledge it because I was her friend.

I’m starting to wonder if one of my friends doesn’t have my best interest at heart. Every time she appears in my dreams, it becomes a nightmare.