Andy Kaufman Still Alive? No, But Mulder and Scully Got Married

David Duchovny Tea Leoni divorce news sparks conspiracy theories.

David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson secretly married? It’s got to be something out of an X-Files, right?  Everything about that show smacked of conspiracy. It’s why we watched. We were all Night Stalkers looking for a good flashlight scene. It fed the need for mysterious dark corners of almost truths: Who killed JFK? Did Paul McCartney really die in a car crash in 1966? Where is Jimmy Hoffa buried? What crashed in Roswell? Should Bigfoot be on the endangered species list? Any of which could have been an X-file. It was just a matter of time until the X-Files had an X-file of their own.

Sure, maybe The X-Files deserved a more creepy pasta kind of urban legend, like the series was actually the FBI’s way of disseminating information and getting the world ready for mass-alien abductions or using a spin-off to warn about the Twin Tower bombings. But no, the X-Files’ X-file is just a sex-file. It plays into the romance of the show and all those years X-Files fans wanted Dana Scully and Fox Mulder to kiss.

David Duchovny and Téa Leoni announced that their divorce was final over the weekend. Duchovny filed in June, citing an irreparable breakdown of the relationship. Weeks ago, tabloids reported that Duchovny and Gillian Anderson were dating after Anderson was spotted coming out of Duchovny’s place in New York amid rumors that he and Leoni were reconciling.

After reporting this for another magazine, I was contacted by a self-proclaimed insider. Just like on The X-Files itself when a well-manicured man gave insider tips to Agent Scully or Deep Throat and X came out of the shadows to guide “Spooky” Mulder through the looking glass. I had my own deep cover insider, a lone gunman, if you will. Hopefully unarmed. I will call this person Deep X. And I’ll tell you what I know about Deep X.

Nothing. I don’t know shit about Deep X and if I were writing this for an online news zine I could get in deep shit because Deep X can be some online lunatic fringe and Fringe was another show entirely. Maybe not entirely, Fringe was so deeply derivative it could have been X-Files outtakes. This informant could be anyone: an X-Files fan or someone who hated the show; someone who just wanted to see their made-up story in print.

Deep X claims to know “a couple of people who are very close to Anderson and Duchovny.” Inasmuch as feeding an urban legend, this is meaningless. The deejays who ran the first “Paul Is Dead” report didn’t know the band or anyone in their corps, the first Elvis sighting could have been an impersonator on break, the first person who saw Jesus on a taco wasn’t even a member of the clergy.

Deep X contacted me through email, claiming that Duchovny and Anderson secretly got married years ago, that they have children together and that they wouldn’t have to hide all this in plain sight if it weren’t for Tea Leoni. I ignored it. At my peril. When the Duchovny Leoni divorce announcement came out this weekend, I got an email from Deep X asking “believe me now?”

There are gossip magazines and tabloids who might just label this as an anonymous source and run with it. I’m not saying I believe it. I’m just saying, as an X-Files fan, it’s a story I could wish was true. I was never a Tea Leoni fan anyway and I don’t care if Gillian Anderson’s hair could be a little too red, if you know what I mean. The idea that the actors who played Mulder and Scully could have hidden something like this for years would rank it up there with Rod Stewart getting his stomach pumped because he gave one too many blow jobs.

The X-Files is all about mythology. Part of what feeds that was the chemistry between the two stars. Mulder and Scully teased and occasionally squeezed, but like most things on network TV, never pleased. It took them years to kiss. The idea that they were doing something deep under the covers themselves was always a thing of fan fantasy. Not mine, I actually preferred them separate, smoldering from afar in their unimaginative ties and feet too short to reach the pedal. I woudn’t care if Duchovny was actually a celibate, just so long as Mulder hit on bug scientists named Bambi.

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BIG NEWS! Before it premieres on TV, we’re gonna release the first episode of HITRECORD ON TV online early — on Monday, Jan. 6th! In anticipation, I’m pleased to present to you the very first short film of the season, “First Stars I See Tonight.”

Collaboratively made on our site, hitRECord.org, this short film began with a text record roswellgray (United States) contributed recounting the true story of the first time she ever saw the stars when she was 16 years old. I adapted the story into a script and KatSmash (Scotland) RECorded narration. We shot the actors Elle Fanning and James Patrick Stuart in front of a green screen and a ton of visual artists on the site began to illustrate the world around them. The animator 12.42 (United Kingdom) took visual contributions and animated them all together. megancarnes (United States) composed a beautiful musical score and musicians from all over the world played along.

HITRECORD ON TV is a half-hour variety show with short films, live performances, music, cartoons, and of course, MORE! It’s gonna be on a new cable channel called Pivot and I think you guys are reeeally gonna like it. I can’t wait for you all to check out the first episode, “RE: The Number One,” when we release it extra early on Monday, Jan. 6th!

Thanks again <3

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Achar alguém que gosta da sua loucura é a mesma sensação de ouvir a felicidade entrando pela porta da sala.
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