I recently heard
about “Meet the Aromantic Day” and I’m really excited, but I
have an important question. theasexualityblog, when you wrote that
the participants should post 5-10 random facts about yourself, did
you actually mean random? Because there are two ways I can see this
list of facts going.
Option 1. My name
is Molly, and I’m aromantic. Here are five facts about me:
- I’m a
sophomore in college majoring in gender studies and sociology.
- I read the
seventh Harry Potter book in 5 ½ hours but I took a break to cry
a little after they escaped from Malfor Manor.
- I get way
too excited hearing the soundtrack of The Price of Egypt.
- From ages 8
to 16 I refused to wear dresses or the color pink.
- I had my Bat
Mitzvah at age 11 for reasons I can’t really explain.
Option2. My name is
Molly, and I’m aromantic. Here are five facts about me.
- I still get
aromanticism and asexuality confused. I know that sexual and
romantic attraction are very different, but our society lumps them
together and I don’t feel either so I sometimes fuck up and conflate
the various emotions associated with the two anyway.
- My parents
are divorced. I don’t think that’s why I’m aromantic, although it
wouldn’t make a difference either way. The main impact my parents’
divorce had is that I don’t have a rosy-eyed view of romance, and I
don’t really think I’m missing out when it comes to not getting
middle and high school, I was only friends with girls, so when I
started actually getting along with boys I would usually go through
brief phases of thinking I liked them because I wanted to be around
them and really wanted to hear what they had to say. Eventually,
when I learned more about aromanticism, it occurred to me that I was
probably just taking regular friendship feelings and coding them as
heteroromantic and heterosexual for lack of a better way of
- I’m dating
someone. We don’t really know if our relationship is romantic or
platonic, and it’s probably some kind of mix. I’m pretty happy with
it, but I sometimes feel guilty because I worry that she likes me
more than I like her, and that I’m letting her down, but I usually
manage to quash that feeling.
- I run a club
for aromantic and asexual spectrum students at my college, which is
really cool and I’m glad I can do it, but it’s also hard because the
allo ace and the aro allo students have totally different interests,
and it can be difficult finding things to talk about every week that
are relevant to both and don’t involve trashing each other.
Both of these lists
contain true facts about me, but I see a major difference between
them. List two highlights my aromanticism, describes what it means to
me, puts some of my experience out in words, and explains to people
why I care about this identity. Whereas list one, without those list
two facts, seems to be about humanizing me by not referring to my
aromanticism. It seems to me that it’s saying I’m not just aromantic,
I’m a human too! I have interests and stories and things about me and
I’m more than just my sexual orientation.
And that would be
cool, but the biggest issue I face as an aromantic is the ignorance.
It’s the people asking me why I need to make a big deal out of being
aromantic, the ones who say I’ll change in time so it’s not worth
getting worked up over, the ones who ask how that’s different from
just being afraid of commitment. And in order to explain my
aromanticism to those people, I’m not going to be throwing out facts
about my 3rd grade haircut or my childhood love of jigsaw puzzles. I want to be telling them about my experience with
I think Meet the
Aromantic Day is a great idea. I think it’s a unique event that
differentiates itself from selfie days and seems well suited to the
needs of our community. I think it’ll be a great chance to spread
awareness of aromanticism and express the diversity of experiences of
aromantics. But when I post my list, whenever the day happens, I’m
going to be posting an expanded version of list two. I’m going to be
talking about my aromanticism, and I hope I’ll see other people doing the same thing.