I feel the most lost and confused when I am around a lot of people. It’s like my circuits get crossed and I spaz out and forget how to act like myself.
I get nervous and I touch my hair a lot. I rub my face. I fidget with my hands. I will twirl my ring or fumble with my bracelet. I will look down. I will pretend I am on my phone. I will walk right past the person I want to talk to so I can bee line for the bathroom instead. I sweat. I stutter I stammer. I am 13 and unloved all over again.
I can pretend I have my shit together when I am all alone. I can even give other people advice so that they don’t ever have to feel an ounce of what I go through.
I am my own worst enemy. Every time I go somewhere or do something I am the master of my own self sabotage.
I wear the face but underneath I am a fraud. I am a faux Fendi in a shop full of originals and I would give anything just to stop being a knock off and just let go and be okay with being myself