Song Preference #4: 5 Seconds Of Summer - Amnesia
‘Cos I’m not fine at all
It had been a while since you had left Luke but he still felt the aftermath. He couldn’t believe it was his fault that you left. Back then he said some nasty things while you were fighting but he never thought you would leave him for it.
He knew better now. He knew he shouldn’t have said all those lies to you just to hurt you because he was annoyed. But he couldn’t take it back and your tearstained face was still hunting him every night turning his dreams into nightmares. He had to relive it each night, feel the pain and the loss again and rehear your shaking voice.
“I don’t think I can ever forgive you for this.” Was what you had said when you had enough. He never thought he’d hear you say those words. But you were right because what he said was unforgiveable and he knew you deserved more than his fucked up self. Still it was hard to stay away from you and be without you. He needed you like the air he breathed.
‘Cos I’m not fine at all
You and Calum had been on an on and off relationship for a few months now. Since he left for tour it was a constant going back and forth of him breaking up and you taking him back. At the moment you weren’t in a relationship again ever since he called you and called things off again. He broke up with you like he had been the last few months and this time you’ve had enough. Your heart was scattered into pieces and you feared you wouldn’t be able to put them back together anymore if it would be shattered just one more time. So you decided to ignore his calls and not even hear him out, knowing it would probably end with you forgiving him.
But tonight he wasn’t giving you a choice when he appeared outside your door, after a long flight back home to talk things out and get you back. He knew he couldn’t handle losing you and your silence had broken his heart even more than being miles apart from you already had.
As much as you wanted to fall into his arms and just forgive him and let him love you, you couldn’t. Not this time. You had to stand up for yourself once so you wouldn’t end fucked up again.
“I’ve put up with your shit for months but I need to think about myself now, Calum. For once I can’t forgive you. It will only break my heart again.” You told him, your voice nearly breaking. “You put me through hell..”
and forget about the stupid little things
“I loved you through everything, and you don’t care.” You yelled at Ashton, your voice breaking as you did so. Tears were streaming down your face as he told you about the fatal failure he had made. “I put up with you being on tour, away from me the whole time. I put up with your bad habits, with your bad moods. I loved you even when we were fighting and screaming at each other.
You stopped screaming and lowered your voice back to just a whisper. “I put up with my heart aching when you were away. I didn’t believe the rumours and swallowed my jealousy every time I saw a picture of you kissing a girls cheek or hugging a beautiful girl.” You started sobbing but pushed yourself to gain back control quickly and glanced up at him for one last time.
“I can’t put up with this when I have loved you all along and you don’t even seem to care.”
I remember the makeup running down your face
He was serious. He really stood there in front you asking for a second chance when all he did was treat you bad over the last weeks. He had crossed the line a few times, flirting with girls in front of you while you were totally ignored. A few times he even kissed their cheeks, called them beautiful and hot.
You weren’t talking about fans for photos or to help them with their self-confidence. You were talking about girls in clubs with short skirts and some on the street that stood way to close to him and touched him way too intimate. There wasn’t the look that fans had in their eyes but only the chase for him.
Right now he really stood in front of you and asked for forgiveness and that you would come back to him as you broke up with him just a week ago. But even though he really seemed to be sorry you couldn’t decide if you really could just take him back like that.
You didn’t know what to say while you looked at him and heard him out as tears started falling. So you whispered the only words you could think of.
“You have no idea how worthless you made me feel.”