Hidden treasures
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things i’ve realised
  • i am: lacklustre, an ongoing anti-climax, i veer into the abyss of my quiet, small self so quickly, with such ease
  • i do not all too much like: documentaries, art galleries, excessive green/healthy life obsessions, the smell of sickly sweet fruits on public transport, how rude white people can be when you are a brown body entering white spaces like restaurants and cafes, dust and how it so quickly accumulates on surfaces and into the crevices of things, how i cannot keep up with cleaning, the rain when it is windy
  • i am not: cool, quirky, artsy, ‘creative’, pretty, slight, carefree, the things i ‘should’ be when you settle under certain labels, good at feelings, a fast or voracious reader, whole, good at writing a journal of perfect sentences or profound thoughts
  • i prefer: sleep, home cooked food, running when i don’t have to worry about running like when i’m tired or body conscious, squatting with kettle bells, flowers, green spaces, walking when the city feels still and quiet, the tops of buildings, honesty, tender when i don’t have room for it, cats (but not persian ones), rugs, candle/low lighting, vintage clothes, films, masterchef, the moon in all its shapes (even the new moon and its place), my own company, quiet
  • i struggle with: perfection and time and obsessing with goals, things ever being enough, me being enough, getting what enough even is, being empty all the time, combatting fatigue and exhaustion, not sleeping with someone on the first date, trying not to miss you (whoever you were, however you were), things that leave
  • i know right now: i’m heartbroken, heartbroken. 
Life consists of rare, isolated moments of the greatest significance, and of innumerably many intervals, during which at best the silhouettes of those moments hover about us. Love, springtime, every beautiful melody, mountains, the moon, the sea - all these speak completely to the heart but once, if in fact they ever do get a chance to speak completely
—  F. Nietzsche, Human, All Too Human