as a coda to that last post, I should mention that my husband—after waiting nearly a month to get the formal offer letter from the school where he’ll be teaching this fall & then a few days of having the letter just sit out in our living room—made a big show of countersigning the contract on Saturday. “there,” he said, showing it to me when it was finished, “now April 13th is the day when I officially accepted my first tenure-track job.”
& so it is recoded, & a little bit of the melancholy gets diluted. to quote again from that email I wrote two years ago—
I’m sure our experience of [the anniversary], & of this annual period, will evolve over time, & if it reaches a point where we’ve all but forgotten when I was in the hospital, I won’t complain. but as long as it remains a vivid memory for us, I like having an excuse to really revel in the joy & the beauty of being with each other, doing the things we do, in a world of near-infinite possibility.
I’ve finally reached the point where I don’t actually regret what happened to me, because the chance to stare mortality in the face & survive with few serious repercussions is a really rare gift, especially for someone in their 20s. the above perspective is one of the sub-benefits of that gift.
but at the same time, I’m happiest when I actually do forget for a moment. & I’ll be glad if, over time, the new significance of April 13th eventually eclipses the old one.