Rant a bit, Thank You Artists on Tumblr who answered my silly questions

Beware of bad English ahead.

…this is going to be the first time I rant on tumblr, and I’m sure nobody will read it but I want to say gratitude to people who answered my questions (and will or will not answer my questions, I’m pretty sure I asked lots of people) and my real life friends who on tumblr, you can ignore this(and don’t dare mention this, but a hug would be nice)

The reason why I asked around questions is that I’m insecure about my enrollment in my new school. It had been weeks since I became high schooler, an art school student. And then the pressure come.

People keep saying that we (all of the school students, which is like only 20 students? It’s a new school and I’m in the second batch/generation) are lucky to know what we want to do in the future and stuff. And honestly, I was really burden by that (and still now). I’m interested to a lot of things, and I want to do and able to do a lot of things, so I actually not really sure what path I’ll take. But, I’m not the only one who feel like that at school.

Again, people said we are lucky to be able to go to school like this. I admit the school is really good-the teachers, curriculum, and stuff. If I’m not wrong this school is the first International art high school in Jakarta, or maybe Indonesia. And the school tuition is expensive. I fear of letting down my parents, they’re getting really old.

All of the students are really good. Just saying. They’re awesome.

My motivation to draw depends on my mood. Even my genes said it.

I’m scared to practice. I’m scared to try new style that I really want to try. I’m ashamed of my lack of will to pick up a pencil-or anything and start drawing-doodle-ing.

I used my broken laptop as an excuse to not practicing, what sadden me more that when I did practicing on my laptop, I became more motivated then I’ve in years, then I broke laptop again. I’m scared to tell my parents about my laptop, because the tuition of my school is already expensive.

And on the first day of school, I felt really sick, my hands were trembling sometimes, I felt like I want to throw up, I had a really weird headache, I was sweating and it was cold (keringet dingin). And a curator, she’s pretty famous apparently(how to spell this word?), came and gave us some presentation, surprisingly Indonesian artists are the one who really active in international world, but their own people don’t know that. I probably looked like shit and rude when she did her stuff. And I was scared.

Oh, and she told us about art market and stuff, which sells and not, she told us to be different and Indonesian-ish. Which really confused me to what I really want and should do in the future.

I’m warming up to the people there tho. Even though just a little bit.

so here my thank you

I asked around because I want to know artists perspective and how they reach their current point.

It was also to comfort myself.

Because I know what I really should do, but I didn’t do it. And I’m ashamed.

But, because of the people who I asked those questions, their art blog and posts, made me remembered of why I decided to join this school, and my goal before I went to this school (the school kinda corrupt my goal, lots of more options), which means my dream. I want to write and illustrate children books, make people happy with books like that, like how I feel when reading William Joyce’s book, or watch his works.

So thank you for answering my questions

But I do feel bad because it looks like I was using these people for my own comfort.

I’ll try-no, I will practice more.

I don’t know where I’m heading but I won’t forget the feelings when I found my dream. And I’m still worrying about a lot of things.

I was scared, but now it was less scary.

sorry for the bad English

Tumblr being a jerk. I thought I follow you guys already but guess what, I didn’t. Do your job buttons in tumblr.