justcallmesassenach25 replied to your post “loversdaze replied to your post “I watched Buffy way back when and…”

Not to say that what spike did was ok or redeemable. But I think one thing to keep in mind is that everything Angel did as Angelus was wiped away, no one blamed him but Spike didn’t have a soul till S7 and still gets blamed for what he did.

I get that argument.  I know there’s people who ship Spuffy only in season seven, and that makes sense.  But I still think it’s dangerous to relate to it too much, because in real life, if your boyfriend abuses you he’s not all of a sudden going to go out and find himself a soul because he feels guilty you know?  I still feel like it encourages people to buy into the idea that bad boys just need to be saved and that when they say they’ll never do it again then that should be accepted at face value.

recycledstars replied to your post “loversdaze replied to your post “I watched Buffy way back when and…”

I’m SO GLAD I am not the only one who feels this way about Spike/Buffy - as you say, they sort of dominate fandom and the first friend who introduced me to Buffy LOVES them but I find it disturbing that people romanticize a rape storyline.

They do! And yep it’s a bit worrying.  Spuffy shippers have so many reasons why it’s legitimate to ship them and that’s great for them!  I’m happy if you’re happy!  I don’t want to tell you who to ship.  But there’s nothing that you can say that will change my mind about the fact that once Spike tries to rape Buffy, there’s nothing about them that I find aspirational.  And a ship isn’t fun if you can’t be like, [dreamy sigh] ‘I wish I had what they had!’

anonymous asked:

Dear Supervillain, I'm a college fresh-person. I was raped at a party. I've reported the incident to administration, and nothing's happened. I go to a small liberal arts school, and see him every day. I'm frustrated and scared.

In the United States, colleges and universities are required by federal law to have a sexual assault policy and to make that policy easily available to students. This policy must have a disciplinary procedure against the perpetrator that is separate from what happens should you choose to go to the police. I would try to find this policy, if only because you will know exactly what your rights are on campus.

You should also look into whether your college has a rape crisis/sexual violence center or response team. Some do, and they will be able to help you.

The Clery Center for Security on Campus provides help and advocacy for students who are survivors of rape. Though it does not provide legal assistance, it provides easy access to the details of Title IX, the Federal Campus Sexual Assault Victims’ Bill of Rights, how to file a complaint if your rights are not met, and some other resources. You can also call them if you have questions at (484) 580-8754.

If you are comfortable doing so, go to the police. I know — trust me, I know — that the police can also be incredibly unhelpful, but the two systems of discipline are different. If one doesn’t come through for you, the other might.

Call RAINN’s counselor hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE. They will be able to connect you with other advocacy programs, and listen to your pain. Sometimes dealing with pain is like lancing an abscess — you just need to let it out.

Feel free to do any of the following:

  1. Arrange a campaign to publicly shame your rapist and your university, ideally with a contingent of friends, like Emma Sulkowicz did. 
  2. Take a martial arts class to learn how to beat something up in the most lethal fashion.
  3. Drop paint-filled water balloons off the top of a building. 
  4. Go hiking. When alone, scream as loud as you can.
  5. Get a pillow. When alone, scream as loud as you can into the pillow.
  6. Get a hammer and some cheap, crappy dishware from a thrift store. Destroy the dishware. Pretend it is his face.
  7. Write down everything you feel, good or bad or ugly. Burn the pages, or tear them into ever-tinier pieces until all you have is feelings confetti.
  8. Start a letter-writing campaign to the administration, or stage a protest, or write in chalk around the school what happened and that nothing is being done.
  9. Write about your experience, and your anger and frustration, for a large publication.
  10. Be kind to yourself. Whatever you feel is okay. Process it. What has happened to you is terrible and your rapist deserves to be slowly flayed. What has happened to you is unacceptable, and disgusting, and wrong. But it was not your fault.

Be well. Weaponize your pain.

A Supervillain

loversdaze replied to your post “I watched Buffy way back when and then maybe five years ago again. It…”

I totally agree! I think society romanticizes creepy bad boys who won’t take no for answer and I think joss was trying to make several points, one of them being that that stereotype is incredibly unhealthy

That’s an interesting perspective.  I mean I totally agree with the first part, that’s why the trope of man relentlessly pursuing woman until she realizes she doesn’t really hate him is so common in romantic comedies.  I think if Joss was trying to condemn Spike’s pursuit of Buffy he should have been more clearly damning of Spike’s actions, rather than launching straight from ‘attempted rape’ into ‘redemption arc’.  For me that trivialises Buffy’s suffering, and the suffering of rape victims more generally, by suggesting that the event is no more than a ~moral crisis~ for the attacker.  

I think that for me, rape is just one of those topics that has to be treated with extreme gravity, and that’s why I would prefer something completely unambiguous.  Because definitely there were fans of the show who continued to idealize the Buffy/Spike relationship to the end of season seven.  And the show was aimed at women of young and impressionable ages; that sounds very condescending but the age group who watched Buffy are also the age group who are quite likely to be in a situation where rape is a possible outcome.  

So although I think you’re probably right and that’s what Joss was going for, I think it’s unfortunate that a lot of fans continued to romanticise Spike even after it became clear that his relationship with Buffy was abusive.

anonymous asked:

Whats your opinion on the documentary "India's Daughter" and it's ban? Do you agree it was wrong to give the rapist such a big platform to speak on?

I have mixed views about this, but my views don’t matter. Jyoti Singh’s parents disapprove of the documentary, particularly the interviewing of the rapist, and their wishes absolutely need to be respected, especially since this documentary uses a tragic and horrific story for what seems like nothing more than an attempt to garner attention among international audiences, speaking over millions of Indian voices to create and sell a narrative easily digestible by westerners. I personally don’t think it should have been outright banned, but I entirely understand the sentiments of (non-governmental) Indians who do feel that way.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hi I've been dating my boyfriend for about three months. I feel like when we're alone he has a completely one-track mind and I don't like saying no to him, but he makes me feel really uncomfortable sometimes. I know he wants more but I'm not ready to deliver. I really don't want him to break up with me but I'm not mentally prepared to take the steps he wants to take and I'm kinda scared to tell him this. tips?

First and most importantly: you should be dating someone you aren’t scared to talk to, and who doesn’t make you feel like expressing your wants and needs and boundaries will make him leave. Anyone who makes you feel like their affection and desire for you comes with strings is not anyone you want to have in your life. Period. End of story. You can do better.

Tell him you’re not ready. If he breaks up with you, he does not care about you and you are significantly better off without him. If he continues to pressure you, please know that that is coercive, and wrong. If he says anything like “Well, if you don’t sleep with me I’ll break up with you,” that is coercive, and wrong. If he says he’ll tell people that you did anyway, or spread any other rumors, that is coercive, and wrong.

Coercive rape is sexual intercourse that comes as a result of pressure and manipulation — in this case, emotional manipulation. Your boyfriend, though he may not realize it because our society is a horrifying ocean of gendered violence in which we are all struggling not to drown while simultaneously pretending we’re enjoying a picnic on dry land, is acting like a sexual predator.

Do not do anything you’re not comfortable with. 

First of all, it just won’t be fun; if you’re not ready, it won’t feel good. The entire point of having sex is to feel good. (By the way, it doesn’t have to hurt the first time. That is a myth perpetuated by the misogynistic idea that women are less interested in sex than men, and it’s a nice little loophole for men to get out of making sure you are comfortable and happy before having sex. Sometimes it will regardless of how turned on you are — sex is nerve-wracking the first time.) 

Second of all, you should not put your needs behind someone else’s out of fear. Someone who is asking you to is someone you need to excise cleanly and neatly out of your life, forever. You deserve to be treated well and with respect. This is hardly respectful.

My tips are that you tell him you are not ready — just like that, no wishy-washy “I don’t think I’m ready” or “I’m not sure,” just “I’m not ready for this” — and if he reacts in any other fashion than “perfectly fine,” dump him. If he spreads rumors about you, shrug when someone confronts you with them and say, “That isn’t true, but it’s cute that he thinks I care what he says about me.” Then tell people he has a tiny penis. And mace him if he comes near you again.

A Supervillain

you shouldn’t abstain from rape because you think that i want you to

you shouldn’t rape because rape is a fucked up thing to do

(didn’t think i had to write that one down for you)

—  God (from Bo Burnham’s “God’s Perspective)

a huge element of trans women’s marginalisation is our construction as dangerous predators who need to be preemptively attacked and destroyed and acting as though your characterisation of us as such is apolitical because it stems from trauma is about as material as saying you’re only kicking me in the guts because i’m wearing a shirt that looks like one your abuser wore - i’m really, truly sorry that that happened, but please stop harming me. 


"One thing that people are all disturbed about is sex… I said ‘That’s how I’m going to attack the audience; I’m going to attack them sexually. And I’m not going to go after the women in the audience, I’m going to attack the men. I am going to put in every image I can think of to make the men in the audience cross their legs. Homosexual oral rape, birth. The thing lays its eggs down your throat, the whole number…" — Dan O’Bannon, screenwriter for Alien (1979.)

There is an obvious and alarming analogy between the treatment of Medusa and the way that rape victims are still being treated today. Medusa was raped, and she was punished for it. When women are raped today they are blamed, ostracised and ‘othered’ in an eerily similar manner. When the perpetrators of a crime are untouchable – whether because they are gods or simply because of their dominance in society – it is the victim of their crime who becomes a pariah. Medusa was physically exiled after her rape, women today who have been sexually assaulted are similarly shunned, facing entrenched an entrenched taboo and victim-blaming culture.
—  Call Me Medusa (essay excerpt)

Annette G Beck-Sickinger, professor of biochemistry, wrote an email to the unnamed Indian student saying: “Unfortunately I don’t accept any Indian male students for internships. We hear a lot about the rape problem in India… I have many female students in my group, so I think this attitude is something I cannot support.”

See, this was my problem with India’s Daughter. I by NO means support the ban of it and am glad it has got the conversation in India going again about rape culture and the patriarchy, but basically a white woman from the UK decided to speak over millions of Indian voices to portray Indian men as backwards and savage, something that is certainly not an issue in South Asia alone. Look at the repercussions of that documentary. 

The statistic of 1 woman raped every 20 minutes in India is startling and terrifying, but why did Leslee Udwin ignore the statistic of 1 woman raped every 6 minutes in her own country, a country with a significantly smaller population than India? Why is she, a white British woman, receiving more attention in the global community than Indian women like Jaya Bachchan or Kirron Kher or Parineeti Chopra who have been incredibly vocal in their support for Jyoti Singh and condemnation of the government that has not yet done justice by her? Why did she spend so long reiterating what was done to Singh (which in all honesty comes across as extremely insensitive and exploitative of a raped, tortured, and murdered woman purely for the shock factor)? Why did she give the rapist and his lawyers such a huge platform to speak their disgusting views, but spent a meager 10 minutes on the actual movement and social awareness generated by the rallies and campaigns following the gang-rape? Is it because the image she was trying to set up of India as a place that desperately needs a white savior’s help worked better if she downplayed the role local Indians have had in trying to seek justice?

Back to the article at hand. Although I’m sure this figure is inaccurate due to the amount of unreported rapes in India, Germany actually has a larger reported rape rate than India. This is by no means an attempt to invalidate a serious problem, nor enter some kind of morbid competition to see which women have it worse, but it’s simply to reiterate the point that this German woman is stereotyping Indian men to a degree that’s unacceptable. The “rape problem” in India is absolutely not an isolated incident, but it’s enough for Beck-Sickinger to hear about it to reject a student from her class. 

anonymous asked:

What do you think Cole would say to anders? I'm just curious haha

the short answer??? i think cole would show anders a great deal of empathy, since he is after all a spirit of compassion. there are some great posts that depict their meeting here, here, and here . i’ve seen a lot of people argue that cole wouldn’t forgive anders and i completely disagree. i gave you the short answer just now, but i’m going to further examine anders as a character and his life events and argue that cole would show anders a great deal of compassion. 

we know cole, a spirit of compassion, is especially empathetic towards those that have lived a hard life but try to do the right thing or try to redeem themselves. so i’m going to run through anders’s life for a moment to illustrate the point i’m going to make.

anders has led a difficult life spent mostly in the circle. first he was torn from his family as a child and away from his own country in the anderfels all the way to ferelden. he doesn’t even have his own name anymore, ‘anders’ is just a nickname because of where he’s from. so now he’s this child spending time in a place where he’s supervised constantly, privacy is nearly non-existent under the templar’s watch, he has no contact with the outside world, and he’s constantly being told he’s a sin in the eyes of the maker. stressful for a child, no?

there’s also fact that mages can be lobotomized for heaven forbid, thinking on their own, or hell even failing a harrowing that they go into blind with no idea what to expect from it. and that’s a common thing anders has seen growing up, plus the multiple accounts of rape and suicide anders has mentioned in conversations with hawke. it’s really no wonder he tried to escape so many times. so now anders is this “troublemaker” the templars decie to put in solitary confinement for a year. obviously that is really fucking terrible for his mental health, and here are some of the side effects of extended solitary confinement:

  • visual and auditory hallucinations
  • hypersensitivity to noise and touch
  • insomnia and paranoia
  • uncontrollable feelings of rage and fear
  • distortions of time and perception
  • increased risk of suicide
  • PTSD

now imagine that for a year. we know that cole was a originally a human mage that got left imprisoned in the circle tower, forgotten about, and left to starve. that alone would make cole extremely compassionate towards anders and want to help him as much as he could. but i’m going to continue to examine anders’s life after the circle.

in awakening he spent time among the wardens, and that means some time in the deep roads. we know from idle banter that anders is extremely claustrophobic (i suspect because of his time in solitary confinement) so going down there could be triggering for him. eventually anders quit for unknown reasons, and at some point merged with justice. this did neither of them any favors, since justice is a spirit of absolutism and sees things in black and white, and anders was already harboring a lot of anger towards his oppressors. their merging further amplified anders’s rage and justice’s absolutism, which as you can imagine, isn’t good for someone who suffers from post-traumatic effects and mental illness. in conclusion for this point, anders’s long term stress and trauma would be another reason cole would show him compassion.

now let’s move on to his life in kirkwall, where anders performed quite a number of good deeds, which obviously cole would appreciate anders helping people. count that as another reason cole would show him a great deal of compassion.

 for one he ran a free health clinic in darktown. we know from npc banter that the chantry (located in the richest part of kirkwall suspicious hmmmmmm???) did nothing to help these people. essentially anders was powering through helping them on his own. therefore i think it’s safe to say he did not get a lot of sleep and he wasn’t exactly making a steady income that would allow him to eat properly. lack of sleep and proper nutrition can be absolutely detrimental to a person’s physical and mental health, and we know that anders has suffered traumatic events so the effects would be exacerbated by this. 

he also helped the mage underground, assisting countless mages out of the kirkwall circle. all the while he was also trying to peacefully protest, pass out his manifesto, and petition elthina to do something about the poor treatment of the mages in kirkwall. and elthina did nothing. not really surprising since she didn’t even lift a finger to help the poor in darktown. 

so now we have anders seeing his peaceful approach to things essentially do nothing, and finds his efforts are meaningless. we see by act 2 on the dissent quest he’s constantly second guessing himself, asking hawke if it’s “another one of his delusions” when he thinks alrik is making mages tranquil for his sadistic pleasures. we know for a fact alrik is doing these things, but it’s important to note anders’s choice of words here, and we can conclude he’s been told he’s delusional, crazy, and really just experienced a lot of gaslighting over the course of his entire life. if it’s not obvious by this point, anders is an abuse survivor. yet another reason cole would show him compassion. 

by the time act 3 rolls around anders has been backed into a corner. meredith is cracking down on the mages, orsino is pretty much powerless, and elthina is indifferent and lets this oppressive and abusive power dynamic continue. so when an animal is backed into a corner, it’s obviously at its most dangerous. after years—-centuries even—-of this systematic oppression, it’s no wonder anders decides to blow up the chantry even at the cost of his own life. anders does not believe he’s worth anything, but if he can give the mages the fighting chance they need, then perhaps his death would be worth something. 

what we know is that despite the crudeness of his actions (there were a lot of casualties in the wake of the explosion), the mages did get their fighting chance. meredith had called for the right of annulment long before anders had blown up the chantry. what anders did helped the mages pick themselves up and rebel against their oppressors before meredith got the jump on them and slaughtered them all. his actions long term caused fiona to declare war against the templars, and through the actions of inquisition regardless who becomes divine—-the mages are either entirely free (under leliana’s rule) or get better living conditions (under vivienne or cassandra’s rule). we know cole is sympathetic towards the plight of the mages, so i would go ahead and count this as another reason cole would show him a great deal of compassion. 

now the biggest argument against cole showing anders compassion is that anders killed a lot of innocents. ironically people conveniently forget the fact cole killed a lot of mages in asunder—-thinking he was helping them—-and throughout inquisition wants to redeem himself for the pain he caused. cole would understand anders wanting to redeem himself, and would AGAIN, show him a great deal of compassion.

let’s reflect back on the cast of inquisition, specifically the ones who need redemption and forgiveness the most. there’s blackwall, who stole the identity of a grey warden and caused the death of many innocents for petty political reasons. what does cole do? show him compassion. there’s solas, who essentially caused the downfall of his own people and allowed corypheus to rampage throughout thedas, thus causing the death of thousands.  what does cole do? show him compassion. 

i’m sorry but if you’re trying to tell me that anders—-who saved hundreds of poor kirkwall citizens’ lives by offering them free healthcare, who helped mages escape the god awful kirkwall circle, who gave the mages a fighting chance and eventually helped free them later, who lived a damn hard life and did all these good deeds anyway—-would not be shown compassion by cole, then i’m going to have to ask you to replay the series because you were not paying attention.