Dear feminists,

When I was 13 and I walked into my first class of my new school and a guy came up to me and touched my boobs I did not feel the need to scream “rape” at the top of my lungs and spray him with pepper spray. 

When the same guy repeatedly slapped my ass throughout the two years I knew him I did not feel the need to scream bloody murder and get him expelled from school.

When the same guy beat me up for no reason I didn’t try and make a public appeal to doxx him and plan his murder.

What he did was gross and wrong but at least I have some brain cells that work. Yelling false rape, pepper spray, violence and doxxing are NOT the answer. 

I am so tired of seeing the word “alleged.” That a woman at my school was “allegedly” raped and that there is an “alleged” sex offender on my campus. Do you want to know why wo/men don’t come out about being raped or sexually assaulted? Because they are always victimized. It is ALWAYS their fault or that they are LYING. STOP this. There is nothing worse then hearing things like “You could have prevented it” or “Why didn’t you fight harder?” or “I don’t believe you.” NOTHING hurts worse then not being believed. NOTHING. My school is allowing a tutor, that raped and harassed a young woman, to stay on campus. And that scares me. No one is safe. If our schools wont fight for us, and no one else will stand up for us, I suppose we will have to fight. We will have to stand up. We will have to speak out. We will be heard. We may have not been heard at one point, but now is the time. 

Q&A for Failzeroth

I offered to answer questions in my post to Failzeroth, and I was asked to answer a few by people who responded to the thread. As I promised, here are the questions and answers:

(As promised in the thread, members of the group will have their names and portraits masked out for sake of privacy. No one has asked me to remove any context information, though, so you will be seeing posts in their entirety)

This is going to be a long one. I’m keeping it all below the cut. Read on, and as always, feel free to ask any questions.

Keep reading

Wh... Wha... WHAT?

My work day started like this:

Me, sitting in office till I can punch in: *face buried in phone*

Security Guard: Oh you single now? You got all the goods hanging out today!

Me, in shock: Excuse me?

SG: *repeats himself*

Me: *look of udder bewilderment*




anonymous asked:

As much as I'd like to read All The Rage, being the victim of assault (not rape) I have to emotionally prepare to read books with triggers. All that aside, I am incredibly proud that 20 years after the release of Speak, a book of similar subject matter, the topic is still being discussed and considered in YA Lit, particularly for young girls. Thank you, for opening up the dialogue once more, even if I'm not able to read the book quite yet.

I totally understand that and I appreciate you sending me this kind note. I don’t feel that I opened up the dialogue once more because there are many YA novels that explore the aftermath of rape but it is my hope that All the Rage has contributed something to that larger, ongoing conversation. I’m grateful to the books that it’s keeping company with because we need to keep talking about rape culture and its consequences if we want to see things change.

Thank you again for this. It means a lot to me.

Near the end of my first year of university I went to a club close to where me and my friends live, and whilst having a few drinks a guy approached our group of friends and had a seat. No problem I thought, as I’ve always had the whole “the more the merrier” mindset when it came to going out drinking. The guy asked to buy one of my friends a drink multiple times, to which she declined with the excuse that she had an early morning class the next day and she’d already cut herself off. So naturally, the guy gets up to get his own drink and comes back with 2. One for him, and one for her, saying “I know you said you didn’t want a drink, but here’s one anyway because I don’t understand the word no.” Or something along those lines.. So now she’s put in an uncomfortable situation because for her to decline the drink at this point make’s her the dick head, but the truth is that she never asked for the drink, nor did she even want to drink it in the first place, so why should she have to drink this Sex On The Beach just to make some bigoted asshole feel validated? She shouldn’t.

Most predators use this social construct against us by forcing us to do what they want us to in terms of using our own guilty conscious in their favor. By drinking the drink you teach them that it only takes a bit of perseverance to get what they want from you, or other women, and when put on the spot (from personal experience), it’s hard to come up with a valid and polite reason for saying no. In this case, she should have said “Thanks I appreciate it, but I already told you I cut myself off” and gave the drink back. But I mean even then you might be perceived as rude. There’s really no win.

We’ve been socially constructed to view these persistent behaviours as a form of flattery, but all they’re really contributing to is the rape culture we’ve created for ourselves. By ignoring, trivializing, and normalizing her multiple attempts at telling him no, that she didn’t want the drink, and yet still  he proceeds to bring her one anyway out of the “goodness” of his own heart.. It’s definitely not a step in the right direction.

—  Since when did no mean yes? 

So I’m not sure what to call this but, I was walking down the street going to the grocery store. A guy persistently continued to follow me and I just got in the car. I know it’s stupid. He had his infant daughter with him, offered me pot once I got in. Then he started groping my chest and inbetween my thighs, eventually pulling over where he fingered me. I didn’t say no, because I don’t know, I feel like I wasn’t given much of a choice. I gave him head because at that point I was high. I’m really bad at saying no and I’ve been sexually assaulted / raped multiple times in my life. I just kind of zone out while it happens and get up and walk away. I’m not really upset, I’ve grown numb to it. I don’t know if that really is considered rape / assault / molestation w/e, mostly because I kind of just let it happen.  I’m more upset that I don’t know how to fight back or say no, because maybe if I did, stuff like this wouldn’t happen as frequently as it does.


Yeah um he stalked you, harassed you, and then raped you. I understand that after a point it seems to become pointless in fighting back or even saying no because you can tell that it’s just going to happen anyway, no matter what you do. I myself have become too afraid to say the word “no.” But I do say other things that should work just as well. But it never does, you know why? Because they’re a rapist and don’t give a flying fuck about you anyway. They don’t care if you say no or if you don’t say no or if you say it in different ways. All that they care about is dominating you and your body and mind. 

You do not deserve to be treated this way. My mom always told me growing up that it’s better to run away from someone in a car, even if they have a gun or knife, and you get shot or stabbed, rather than you getting in the car to “save your life,” only to get kidnapped. And in actuality that is true. You have more of a chance of survival that way. If someone follows you in a car again, don’t hesitate to dial 911 or whatever police number it is where you live, and give a license plate number if you can. It’s not your fault for getting in the car. But I want you to remember that there is something you can do about someone stalking you. And that’s to call the police. Don’t walk to your house, walk into a store or a public place and ask for help. 


What It’s Like When Your Rapist Appears Under Facebook’s ‘People You May Know’

“When my rapist showed up under the 'people you may know’ tab on Facebook, it felt like the closest to a crime scene I’ve ever been."That’s how Kevin Kantor begins his powerful slam poem, "People You May Know.” 

In the piece, Kantor recounts his experience of coming across his rapist’s Facebook profile – learning his assailant’s middle name, seeing his baby photos, and mentally reliving the assault and its aftermath.

Watch Kevin Kantor perform the full emotional poem here

  • Latinxs and Asian people:Please stop fetishising us for being "exotic" while simultaneously ostracizing us socially for being foreign.
  • Black people:Please stop discriminating against, criminalizing, and killing us. Also, stop dehumanizing us post-mortem to further "legitimize" our deaths.
  • LGBTQ+:Please let us live our lives in peace, and respect our sexualities and identities. They are just as valid and natural as yours are.
  • Mentally ill and physically handicapped people:Please try to understand us. We are not freaks. We are, in fact, "normal", and we only want support and acceptance.
  • Muslim people:Please stop attacking us for practicing our religion, we are not the same as the bigoted extremists that claim affiliation with us.
  • Jewish people:Please just leave us alone, we just want to live without discrimination. History has taught us that we are never truly safe anywhere.
  • Women:Please stop assaulting and harassing us, and give us autonomy over our own bodies. We want gender equality in our society.
  • All of the above:We just want to live without fear of prejudice and oppression. We are human, and we deserve to have our voices heard.
  • White, straight, cis, able-bodied, Christian men:Alright but have any of you considered how that will affect me? I mean we can't just

There are so many reasons why people shouldn’t believe articles attempting to discredit Emma Sulkowicz.

1. The article linked is from Reason.com, and the original article is from The Daily Beast, which are gross conservative news sources.

2. The primary person the news reporter interviewed was the accused rapist

3. The rapist was accused by multiple victims who the writer of the article continually dismissed as lying or having it out for the rapist

4. The “evidence” the article provides is primarily testimony from the rapist, the man who helped defend the rapist, family members of the rapist, and old conversations victims had with the rapist on the internet (the latter of which is irrelevant to ascertaining guilt)

5. The article draws from many common tropes to discredit the victims: them acting in any positive way toward their attackers after the attack, them taking months to figure out they were abused or to report the abuse, their previous sex lives or expressions of sexuality, and them having a history of mental illness or a bad break up or other reason to be on bad terms with the attacker

5. A quick google would tell you that Cathy Young, the journalist behind all this, has been a critic of “anti-rape activism” and is responsible for multiple smear campaigns against rape victims and has many anti-feminist stances

anonymous asked:

If I get raped, I am going to murder my rapist with a knife. Do you have any advice on doing that effectively?

I don’t recommend a knife. Murdering someone with a knife is messy and, unless you’ve undergone years and years of training, just as likely to result in injury to yourself as it is injury to your target. Not everybody is as good with a knife as the Black Widow. Moreover, it’s virtually impossible to murder someone with a knife and not get caught for it, and trust me, this world will care much more that you murdered your rapist than that you were raped by them. The prison industrial complex is not pretty; you don’t want to end up a part of it.

So here are our goals, just to reiterate:

  1. Ruin a rapist’s life, whether that’s by ending it or making them extraordinarily miserable.
  2. Don’t get thrown in jail.


You could find and contact his parents about his actions. You could write about what happened in a public place he frequents, ideally that lots of other people who know him frequent (this is especially effective in college) with chalk or paint. You could write about your experience and share it widely, on this website or another. You could stage an act of protest, like Emma Sulcowicz has, that garners national attention. You could find other people he has victimized and make them your allies. You could make note of where he lives and leave signs and messages on the door naming him as a rapist. You could post fliers in his neighborhood doing the same. You could write a Twitter bot – they’re not hard to code – that tweets out the names of rapists, or replies to him every time he tweets or anyone tweets to him with a reminder that he’s a rapist. For the creative mind, the possibilities are endless. 

Let’s also talk about self-defense, however.

I am personally disgusted that any conversation about rape necessitates a conversation about self-defense, whether it’s someone chiming in that women/people/survivors of rape shouldn’t bear the burden of defending themselves from rape (true) or someone pointing out that knowing basic self-defense is useful even just for the sake of making a person feel more competent and empowered (also true, for some people). Knowing some basic defense techniques in a world where survivors of rape are expected to bear the burden of defending themselves can be useful, but if you are in an assault situation and you freeze, there’s nothing wrong with you. No one deserves to be victimized.

For those of you interested in self-defense, I suggest mastering the following skills. I prefer to think of these skills less as “self-defense” and more as “universally useful for those with even a passing interest in the life of a vigilante.”

  1. First of all, don’t forget to move. Inexperienced fighters often stand still. Run, if you can; if you can’t, thrash with your entire body. Throw your weight around.
  2. Make a lot of noise. If you’re outside, knock trash cans over or bang on cars to set off alarms. Scream, kick a door, throw stuff. Whatever makes enough of a commotion that someone might call the police or come to investigate.
  3. Don’t be afraid to bite. Hard.
  4. How to make a fist and throw a punch.
  5. How to break out of zip-tie handcuffs.
  6. How to break someone’s grip on your wrist.
  7. Here’s how to get away from someone who has backed you up against a wall.
  8. Here’s how to get out from underneath someone.Here’s how to break a chokehold/get away from someone who is trying to choke you.
  9. Say it with me, now: eyes, nose, neck, knee. Eyes, nose, neck, knee. Gouge or scratch at the eyes; strike at the nose with your fist or the heel of your hand; shove your elbow into your assailant’s throat; kick the side of the knee as hard as you can. Remember that the knee is an excellent target – it’s very vulnerable, and low enough that your foot has less of a chance of being grabbed.
  10. Use your elbows and knees and leverage your weight to maximize damage.
  11. Fight as violently as a police officer (more info on leveraging your weight).
  12. Here is a store full of beautiful rings that would hurt like a motherfucker if you punched somebody with them.
  13. Here are laws about mace, pepper guns, tasers, etc. by state.
  14. There are even safety apps, now. What a world.
  15. Here is an excellent and long rundown of useful self-defense techniques.

Remember: anything you use to fight off a rapist can also be used to subdue, for instance, the guard at a museum you’re trying to rob. Just as a for instance.

A Supervillain

When are we going to realize that hating other women - no matter how much money they have or how far they’ve fallen - is just as bad for ourselves as it is for anyone else?
—  Jessica Valenti 

Bud Light removes controversial tag line in #UpForWhatever campaign

Yes, NO ONE IN THE ENTIRE MARKETING PROCESS said something about Bud Lights new marketing campaign.

Yes, this is not joke this label reads “The Perfect Beer for Removing “No” from Your Vocabulary For the Night.”  #UpForWhatever.

Budweiser was quick to pull the message. “It’s clear that this particular message missed the mark, and we regret it. We would never condone disrespectful or irresponsible behavior.” the company wrote. “As a result, we have immediately ceased production of this message on all bottles.”