Today i was talking to my aunty about boys and stuff. It eventually lead to me telling her

"I know i can’t change and i know this is who i am… this is how i’ve always been"

and she tells me that because of how my dads sister treated me as a kid i turned out to be this way. which i truly do not believe. My one aunt did not shape me to be gay. She might’ve treated me like utter shit but that isn’t why i turned out to be like this. 

It could’ve been genetics and it could’ve been a choice. But i know in my heart I like boys. 

My co-worker asked me:

"Junaid, how do you know you’re gay if you haven’t kissed a boy"

i shrugged and just told them i don’t think i need to kiss a gender to like the gender. I’m emotionally and sexually attracted to boys and it’s just how i feel. I’ve just felt attracted to boys.

just ugh.

At The Moment

School is kicking my ass, I started working a second job that I don’t need and is only stressing me out because of how much time it takes away from studying and I’m sick which means I can’t concentrate on my school work now that I do have free time.

I’m going to bed.

Curtis Schweitzer - Mira (Starbound Soundtrack)

I honestly don’t even know why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling. Usually i shrug it off by telling myself “Don’t stress, you’ll go bald” and I’m alright. But i literally just feel like crap. I mean i think i’ll eventually get over it. I hope i will. I don’t like being upset and that’s when i know why I’m upset. I don’t even know what to say, I just, its well fuck that

Something just came to mind. My Aunt told me I’m getting old and i should decide on what i want to do with my future. 

I know what i want to do. I just wont be able to make a living off of it. Unless i turn into some hot hunk with a body.  I would settle for hot though, even hunk.

Ugh i feel sick, i want to lay down but I’ve been having panic attacks. The only topic that gives me panic attacks. Every. Night. Why can’t i not think about it? UGH! 



so apparently i head-desk my keyboard and it only makes out a “7”

I’m a  magic man.

Without a doubt my alarm was set to go off at 6am this morning. The switch was set to “on.” I even double checked it last night before bed. Yet, it did not go off and I’m just waking up. Is my phone trying to get me fired??


Our love is deep, mad, relentless, selfless, overwhelming, consuming, forever, passionate, romantic, unique, true, easy, unconditional, adoring, patient, insane, bright, enduring, blissful, raw, daunting, freeing, boundless, delicious, divine, stirring, adventurous, teaching, trying, young, bold, beautiful, and pure.