Today i was talking to my aunty about boys and stuff. It eventually lead to me telling her

"I know i can’t change and i know this is who i am… this is how i’ve always been"

and she tells me that because of how my dads sister treated me as a kid i turned out to be this way. which i truly do not believe. My one aunt did not shape me to be gay. She might’ve treated me like utter shit but that isn’t why i turned out to be like this. 

It could’ve been genetics and it could’ve been a choice. But i know in my heart I like boys. 

My co-worker asked me:

"Junaid, how do you know you’re gay if you haven’t kissed a boy"

i shrugged and just told them i don’t think i need to kiss a gender to like the gender. I’m emotionally and sexually attracted to boys and it’s just how i feel. I’ve just felt attracted to boys.

just ugh.

At The Moment

School is kicking my ass, I started working a second job that I don’t need and is only stressing me out because of how much time it takes away from studying and I’m sick which means I can’t concentrate on my school work now that I do have free time.

I’m going to bed.

Curtis Schweitzer - Mira (Starbound Soundtrack)

I honestly don’t even know why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling. Usually i shrug it off by telling myself “Don’t stress, you’ll go bald” and I’m alright. But i literally just feel like crap. I mean i think i’ll eventually get over it. I hope i will. I don’t like being upset and that’s when i know why I’m upset. I don’t even know what to say, I just, its well fuck that

Something just came to mind. My Aunt told me I’m getting old and i should decide on what i want to do with my future. 

I know what i want to do. I just wont be able to make a living off of it. Unless i turn into some hot hunk with a body.  I would settle for hot though, even hunk.

Ugh i feel sick, i want to lay down but I’ve been having panic attacks. The only topic that gives me panic attacks. Every. Night. Why can’t i not think about it? UGH! 

I JUST DONT EVEN! 

SOMEONE SLAP ME WITH AIR.

so apparently i head-desk my keyboard and it only makes out a “7”

I’m a  magic man.

Without a doubt my alarm was set to go off at 6am this morning. The switch was set to “on.” I even double checked it last night before bed. Yet, it did not go off and I’m just waking up. Is my phone trying to get me fired??

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