im just gonna miss seeing him with the other boys…im gonna miss his random additions to their anecdotes, his expressions of concern for harry, his pure love for niall, his mischievous spirit with louis, his boners for liam 

the history of hip-hop class i took freshman year was predominately white men. i remember one time we had to do a presentation on some type of social issue that was covered in hip hop music and this group of four guys did “Feminism in Hip-hop.”

So they started the presentation with”In hip-hop, the female race is underrepresented…”

Brahmsology 101
  • As a boy Brahms spent time on a farm in the country, where he would go for a swim at dawn, help with chores, and then be set free for the day. He would often carry a practice keyboard out into the fields. After he did not return for dinner one evening, his hosts found him asleep far from the farmhouse, snuggling with his little silent keyboard. He had been badly sunburned.
  • As is well known, he spent time as a young boy playing for low wages in dockside brothels. It is thought that he picked up two lifelong habits here: an unease in sexual relations with women, and an unremitting love of popular dance rhythms. 
  • One of Brahms’ early conducting gigs was as director of a ladies’ chorus in Hamburg. After rehearsals he could sometimes be found drinking in a public park; he liked to climb into a tree, from which point he would entertain the ladies in the chorus below. 
  • His heart may have belonged to Clara, but particularly as he aged he took an … interest … in a series of much younger women. He was particularly fond of women with beautiful singing voices and sharp wits.
  • Brahms had a mortal fear of traveling overseas. He was susceptible to extreme seasickness and only very rarely left the German-speaking countries of central Europe, the major exceptions being several trips to Italy. This dislike of sea-travel was the biggest factor in his refusal to travel to England to accept an honorary doctorate (twice). He was also self-conscious about his inability to speak languages other than German.
  • Especially in chamber and piano music, there is some evidence that Brahms often hastily sketched out the bass line and melodic foreground as two simple voices in their entirety before proceeding. These early sketches are rare because Brahms habitually destroyed them, but where they exist they correspond almost perfectly with the finished products, suggesting that he did much of the work of composition quickly and in his head. 
  • He was fastidiously, obsessively neat in the organization of his papers and of all matters related to music, but kept a dirty and disorganized household and dressed cheaply and sloppily regardless of his wealth.
  • For almost all his adult life, Brahms viewed himself as a failure for not having attained the leadership of the philharmonic in Hamburg, his hometown, and he blamed this failure for his lack of a wife and family. When the post was finally offered to him shortly before his death, he turned it down. Brahms avoided leadership posts in general because of his distaste for logistics and politics; but though he worked with many orchestras of quality far superior to Hamburg’s, he always coveted the post for sentimental, idealized reasons. 
  • Brahms was a great writer of elegant letters, but detested writing them.
  • He did not respond well to either criticism or praise, and would answer both with much the same gruff disregard.
  • Brahms in his maturity spent only a few spring and summer months of each year engaged in actual composition, typically at country homes or resort towns in the mountains such as Bad Ischl, which became his “second home.” Like his friend Johann Strauss Sohn, Brahms was most happy working outdoors, at a clerk’s standing desk.
  • Though he sometimes alienated friends with his distracted and brittle nature, he was a profoundly warm-hearted man who thrilled at the chance to give sweets to the beggar children who would often appear the kitchen windows of wealthy homes he visited. Brahms donated the majority of his wealth and property to various musical organizations, seldom checked his own bank balance, and showed no concern when he once lost a vast sum of money in an investment gaffe. He answered fan mail regularly, and seldom refused an opportunity to help a young musician — professionally or financially — if the suggestion came from a trusted source.
  • Brahms met Tchaikovsky almost by accident during a music festival. Brahms was fond of Tchaikovsky and said pleasant things about his music; Tchaikovsky, notoriously uptight and judgmental of himself and others, did not return the sentiment, and later spoke of Brahms as a talentless hack who drank too much. Their personalities clashed violently, but only the Russian master seemed to be aware of it and bothered by it. 
  • It is conceivable that among the well-known composers of the 19th century, none surpassed Brahms in scholarly knowledge and artistic mastery of pre-classical procedures and forms. His contrapuntal skill was extraordinary, at times jaw-dropping in its effortlessness, and he delighted in burying intricately wrought canons within his music, seldom overtly displaying his skill except in certain formal choral works and isolated passages elsewhere.
  • The city of Vienna came to life in celebration of Brahms’ 60th birthday. Quite embarrassed at the prospect, he secretly fled with a friend to Sicily and sent thank-you cards and telegrams back to Vienna. He spent his actual birthday taking care of his friend’s ankle after it was twisted in a fall.
  • When Brahms fell into his last illness he grew concerned that he was rapidly losing weight. His longtime landlady Celestine Truxa would secretly take in the seams of his clothes to alleviate this concern.  
  • Brahms wrote no music in the last months of his life, but his final composition had been an organ prelude on the Lutheran chorale, “O world, I must leave thee.” He expected it to be his last, though he did not let on to others that he knew himself to be finished. When news of Brahms’ death reached Hamburg, the flags of all ships in the harbor were dropped to half mast. Like his musician father, Brahms died from cancer of the liver. 

This is the part where you go out and scream my name because you are haunted by the fear of forgetting it.

This is the part where you hold my hand and clench it tightly because letting go would mean goodbye.

This is the part where you tell my parents you would take much care of me as they did because you know how your parents feel about your older sister getting married.

This is the part where you endlessly ask me random anecdotes when we’re driving in your car.

This is the part where your friends track me around school because you have a Valentine’s Day plan for me.

This is the part where I watch your basketball games as you steal glances at me while dribbling the ball.

This is the part where you take me on summer trips with your family because you’d rather teach me how to swim than join your brothers for a game of sand wrestling.

This is the part where we graduate together and you whispering in my ear repeating congratulations over and over again.

This is the part where I refuse to take the elevator just to reach the ICU first and see for myself if you’re really okay.


Queen Sized Bed

A few months ago, Mom bought me a twin sized bed for my new apartment. My old bedroom, albeit smaller than my apartments’,  had a queen sized bed. It never came across as weird, but now that reality has presented two situations worth comparing, I had to ask my mom.

Me: Mom, why did you buy me a Queen sized bed? My room at home is so small… I mean, it probably didn’t make sense to buy me such a big bed, right? A smaller bed could have saved so much more space. (My brother and sister also have queen sized beds. And they share a room. Yeah, it’s pretty cramped in there).

Mom: laughs sheepishly. You’re right… but when you guys were young, I was afraid ya’ll would roll out of the twin sized bed and hit the ground. So instead, I bought queen sized beds.

And this is made me realized how such a simple explanation revealed mom’s complex and borderline - obsessive behavior to protect us. My mom has always been a step (or two) ahead in making sure me, my sister and brother will stay out of harm. From little things like making sure I get my eight cups of water a day, to sacrificing her time to give us rides to places so we didn’t have to take the bus … she has always been there to make sure we could have it easier. 

After hearing her response, it pained me a little. When will she learn to let us go, so we could face the harsher realities of the world? I guess it’s not for me to say, but for her to decide. It’s a mother’s intuition that I have yet to comprehend. 

Nevertheless, I love you, mom. As I grow older, I feel like I understand you more. Perhaps we are both understanding each other more. I hope so. 

There’s this girl who goes to my old school who used to read books wherever she went. Like, she would read Harry Potter on the way to class and be able to dodge everyone without even looking up and she would read whilst walking home too.
Nearly two years later I see her walking home again, but on her phone instead. She just walked into a lamppost.
Technology rots your brains kids.

my mom and her friend were having a get together one Easter and wanted to have a prank by putting chopped onions into some plastic eggs but they kept giggling so to be less suspicious they gave them to me so i could go outside and hand them out but i didn’t grasp what was happening and as soon as i stepped outside i obliviously waddled three lawns over and gave the eggs to some teenagers playing basketball because i was sad they had no eggs

somewhere out there are four 30-somethings with a memory of a random 9 year old child popping out of the bushes and handing them plastic eggs filled with onions before vanishing again without saying anything

A moment that could have been a creep move.

At work today, I saw someone who was rather handsome. He was looking for a change of pace. Someone referred him to me. I have to ask questions to gauge his interest in the field. I asked how old he was. He said 18. Bruuuuuuuuuh. I immediately shut all of that shit down. He. Looks. So. Much. Older. But a young thug is not out here living that cougar life. Give me about 8 years, though. Then I’m gonna be like 👀

One time in high school I joined the Gay-Straight Alliance which was an official club and I went to like two meetings before the club ceased to exist. Everyone in the club was queer except for me and my other two friends who joined with me. I felt like an idiot for ever joining but now that I look back they probably were just not thinking any “straights” (or whatever the fuck I am) would join and it was probably pretty weird for them. They might’ve even thought we were there to make fun of them, but I was honestly just trying to be a good ally and join as a form of what I thought was support. Weird times

i love those posts that show groups of people in that haunted house freaking the hell out at the final jump scare where they take your photo ((basically a fake car crashes through the wall and stops right before hitting you)) because they look like they’re having heart attacks

but then me and my brother were just like


If you guys ever saw me when one of my favorite songs started playing

You would swear it was some freak even that never took place. “Something Just Ain’t Right” (Keith Sweat) started playing on my iPod and I lost my shit. My eyes lit up like a child on Christmas morning— Actually a little brighter. Because I love that song. That song is as old as I am, but I completely acted like it was my first time hearing it, lol. One day I’m just going to record myself listening to music and let folks see what happens. (Funfact: A micro version of this is me on SnapChat.) I’m just gonna have to edit out all of the #Prince songs, which is going to be a lot, lol.

Peace, Hip Hop & Purple Rain

This one time, I was getting my hair cut and all of a sudden “I Will Follow You Into the Dark” came on over the speakers. I got so excited and started telling the hair stylists about George Blagden’s version while they were all probably like “oh my goodness this teenage girl is crazy, fangirling all over the cuteness of this sad song.”