just a friendly reminder that:

♥ You can vent about any thing on your own blog.

♥ Venting about things that are upsetting you and letting off a little steam is not being a baby or an attention whore. Typing out your feelings can help relieve stress.

♥ No one should tell you to stop expressing your feelings or life experiences on your own blog.

Watch on raikissu.tumblr.com

THERE’S ANOTHER ONE OF THESE VIDEOS FOR EPISODE 14 OH MY GOD.

Something I really need to get off of my chest ...

You guys should know me well enough to know I don’t think highly of my pony art here in Tumblrpon. I think it’s average at best but that never stops me to strive and improve in my weaknesses and eventually succeeding in my goals as an artist. I joined this fandom in hopes of learning new things like writing stories and comics, making friends and finding new inspirations. I found all that and more than I could have possibly dreamed of. 

I never walked in preparing myself with the upcoming popularity I would earn or develop into the person I am today.  It pretty much grabbed me by the arm and slapped me silly until I realized what was going on, I was being noticed. It happened all so fast it made my head spin.

I took in this new found confidence boost and tried to use it any where I could. Promoting and befriending smaller or non-artists was one of my favorite things to do. I know how it feels to be ignored by the bigger artists in fandoms and not knowing where to turn to. I also love making friends online, and I absolutely love helping people so why not do both. For a little while in my early months of Tumblrpon, every thing was going great. I had a lot of great friends and support with me and it felt like I was on top of the world. 

But as my popularity grew to 5,000 … 10,000 … and now close to 20,000 followers, it’s increasingly became harder and harder to do the things I love. It also is increasingly hard for me to show you all who I still am  in the beginning of my Tumblrpon history. Now I know how those bigger artists feel. Being pressured and swarmed with people trying to be their friends and also being accused of being “entitled-self proclaimed art gods who don’t care about their fans and only care about other popular artists.” To be completely honest, I was one of those people who thought popular artists were just like that.

Just like many of you, I looked down on those popular artists in spite of never actually knowing them or taking the time to talk to them myself. I just ate up what every one else was saying and blindly followed the crowd. After a couple of years by myself and soon rolling into Tumblrpon, my entire perspective was dramatically shifted into a different light.  I am that popular artist. That’s what people think of me. I’m that self-proclaimed art god who only talks to popular artists now.

Popularity may seem nice but it has it’s major backlashes. I can’t draw my friends without being accused of “only drawing popular artists”, I can’t voice my opinion with another user publicly without being accused of “causing drama” or “sending my followers to attack them” and I can’t take breaks on my ask blogs without users sending me messages to close them down since I “never update them any way so why bother having them at all.” And honestly, it gets to me. It really does.

Recently I’ve been seeing an increasing amount of posts with my name being tossed around when pony artists or admirers talk about art in the fandom.  This caught my attention immediately and I became curious. Why was I suddenly being compared to other artists like it was going out of style? I’m used to receiving some puplicity but it was starting to worry me..

I was seeing things being posted like “why is her blog popular” “it’s just kawaii desu crap.” “I should do this to get attention, too!” These things never really grind my gears for the sole reason of these people not knowing me for as long as some of you have. I didn’t just wake up and decide, “Hey! I’m going to sell my soul to Kyuubey and become a magical artist kawaii girl and I’ll be really popular!!”

It happened during an entire year of being on tumblr and keeping dedication to my ask blog. People happened to like the style it was drawn in and wanted to see more. I can’t control what people like, nor do I magically know how to  warp my style into something people will love. I’ve been drawing anime for as long as I can remember and I never changed so people could love me and I never will.

This is getting extremely long.. so if you have read this far, thank you. I’ve been meaning to get this off my chest for a long time. But there’s one more thing I’d like to say here. Recently a friend of mine has been receiving a lot of hate towards her art work and has been belittled tremendously. One thing she’s been told is she’ll never be as good as me. Her art work is beautiful, and I definitely see her going some where with it and I have no doubt in my mind she’d exceed in being better than me some day. 

If you could be so kind as to send her a small message, maybe telling her some advice or a positive message, it would make my day and I’m sure hers. Thank you for reading this and I apologize for the wall of text on your dashboards.

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