For Sale. One [biking] soul.
One half of Historic SKID is leaving Telluride for someplace called “Boulder.” I will be covering cycling for Velo magazine and Velonews.com (which, really, is still insane to think about). Boulder, decidedly, doesn’t party like Telluride, so I came to the hard decision that, yes, I should sell my Pugsley. Dammit. It stings. I’d rather get a bikini wax.
So I set about selling the bike. I had a buyer, in spite of my friend/mechanic putting one of his RISD paint jobs on it. (A series of spots that look like bike Herpes). Things were looking up. And then, I got a litany of questions from the would-be buyer. Testing the bike’s Karma. Wanting to Know Things. Shit.
Honestly, this happened two hours ago. Enjoy the Q and A.
1. What is its name?
The bike has no name worth noting but has commonly been referred to as “Pugz,” or “Fatbike,” though mostly I just yell for it and it makes its way, at its own pace, back to me.
2. Why did you ask this bike into your life?
The bike was asked into my life because it snows here, and I didn’t want to stop riding due to that snow. I had the intention of bike touring on the Pugz as well, though that hasn’t come to fruition yet.
3. Has it lived up to your expectations?
Yes. I fear, however, I’ve not lived up to its expectations for me.
4. Has your bike been a part of any conflicts?
The only conflict the bicycle has been part of is a simple joke gone wrong. I asked a fellow cyclist if the woman he was dating’s daughter had begun calling him “dad.” He then hit the brakes and I went careening fabulously through the air. The bike was unharmed
5. Has it ever been in a BUI?
6. Does it have any weaknesses?
Its only true weakness is the rider.
7. Will the red pocks it’s experiencing spread? Are they contagious to others? Any other known afflictions?
There is no reason to think the red pocks will spread. It seems most other bikes (and people) have been vaccinated against the mechanic/artist responsible for its distress.
8. Has it had any serious operations?
The Pugz has no record of surgery. I changed a tire a few times. All this went smoothly and required no pain management.
9. What is its favorite pit stop?
Preferred pit stops: Bar, any; coffee shop, any; donut shops; the valley between the East Fork and Wasatch trails, Eider Creek meadows.
10. What music suits it for hill climbs? Long descents? Meandering paths?
Musical inclinations: Tiffany, “I think we’re alone now”; Michael Jackson, “Beat It” and “The Way You Make Me Feel”; any song by Jewel; “Shorty Wanna Be a Thug,” 2PAC.
11. Does it brag about being picked over other bikes?
The Puggle does not brag or boast. The only thing it ever did say, come to think if it, was an obscure Rumi passage in the middle of the night during a 24-hour race: “What you seek is seeking you.”
12. What are its hopes and dreams? What are your hopes and dreams for it?
The bicycle’s dreams, I believe, are to beautifully channel the dreams of its cyclist. Therefore, the dreams of the machine itself change as yours change. Today, if I had to guess, it just wants to be ridden.
13. Have you saved for its education?
I spent its college fund on a Thomson seat post. I will not apologize for that.
14. On a scale of 1-10, how sad are you to pass on this bike? How excited are you to pass it on to me?
I am not saddened to pass on this bike. It deserves to be among its people, which I highly doubt live in Boulder, Colo., where I am soon to move for professional reasons. I am, therefore, excited to bequeath it to you for a reasonable fee.
15. Will you take $1,000 for your beauty?
If you throw in a six-pack of your choosing, so I can drink to the bike, that’s a deal. I’d rather sell it to you than some bro who asks me all sorts of inane questions online. The bottle cages must come off, along with the flaskholder. These things are dear to me. The money must be unmarked bills. I plan on using it for EPO.