The Great I Am

I wrote this on the fifth anniversary of being sXe.
I’m now past 10 years.  Talking to trashcvlt tonight made me want to post it again.

THE GREAT I AM


I am
the sum
of 31 years of remembrance
That started with
the memory of a
blue and yellow plaid jumper
I wore on the first day of kindergarten
with the matching drawstring purse
my mom filled with Kleenex

 I am
sitting on my floor
feeling the earth pulse beneath me
plugged in to the energy of
every other being who has lived 

I am
still trying to win his friendship
though I know I will have
to settle for his respect 


I am
in a metal club in Dallas
leaving drunk at 2 am
and hitting the freeway to drive home
to West Texas 

I am
five years of purity
five years of transformation
five years of having the strength
to walk away from everything
I have ever known

 I am
the last time I saw him
when he shook my hand
and walked away
He will walk away
in my head
for the rest of my life 

I am
funerals
cemeteries
wilting flowers 


I am
sitting in a Denny’s
watching the sunrise
and knowing that
in two more hours
I will be burying my best friend 


I am
in the balcony with shitty tickets

on the edge of the pit
in the front row
clinging to the rail
fighting
to stay in the front row at Danzig
wearing steel toed boots and kicking
my way
through the crowd at Rollins in 93
in the last seat
putting X’s on my hands
daring
anyone to say anything


I am
grabbing Marc
in the middle of
Devil Driver’s set
jumping into the pit to hug him
because I am so happy

I am watching Dave Peters of Throwdown

eat watermelon as he walks to the autograph booth
I am willing myself not to pass out
because 

I am shaking the hand
of Dave Peters my
straightedge hero
for the first time

I do not know this yet
I am in the pit with Marc
with my arms around his neck
“Joey!
Get out of the pit
before you get killed!”


I am
proud

I am seeing MCR for the first time.

Holy shit!
I’m the oldest person here!

I am
wishing
I had kids
glad I don’t have kids
loving them,
watching them walk away
letting them go
seeing them come back
not understanding

I am
the bridesmaid

I am
the bride

I am
the sidekick

I am
one of the guys

I am
that scary girl no one understood
not scary as in Goth,
just scary

I am
a goddess
a mermaid
in a green two piece Roxy suit
that summer I was a size 5 at 35
standing in Lilo’s dining room
and not recognizing
the woman who stared back
in the mirror 

I am
the person you thought you knew
I am
still walking the line
between
kindness and sarcasm
love and self protection
I am
old
I am
faithful

I am
your best friend for 25 years
sitting on my bed
playing The Godfathers on a boom box
and singing along
25 years have passed and
I am
alone because you found someone
you’d rather be friends with

I am
always here
and never far.

 I am
still waiting
for something amazing.

“I just peed a little when I laughed!”

“That’s okay, I just farted, let’s keep walking.”


Congratulations to Katie Stafford, the winner of Captioning is Easy (A Contest). Katie’s caption will appear in “Parenting is Easy!” in bookstores October 2015. She will also be able to casually work in to conversation that she is “published” now, which is super-fun. 

Congratulations Katie! All of your dreams are coming truuuuuuue!

anonymous asked:

no but really why do you hate joss whedon? like i dont like him but i havent really got a reason tbh so i'd like a reason to if ya get me

i am really lazy so i copied&pasted this from mitch123k 

a few reasons

Yes, I'm Single But I'm Not Lonely

I’m turning twenty one in a few days and unlike most girls my age, I have never had a boyfriend.

Some people may think that it’s weird for to have remained alone for this long and that there’s something wrong with me. That I am bound to be forever alone—I hate it.

When I meet people who I haven’t seen for years and they ask me how my love life is, they would gasp when I’d say that I’ve never been in a relationship. Some of my friends and relatives would  tease me about being single and it can get a bit overbearing sometimes. I know that I’m single and I have been all my life, but do I really need to be reminded of it?

Just because I’m single doesn’t necessarily that I’m lonely. I am surrounded by friends and family who love me dearly. I love myself enough to not feel the need to be loved by someone else.

Don’t get me wrong. Of course I want to fall in love. I’m a hopeless romantic, actually. I may not have this perfect guy in mind, but I know that the right person and the right time will come for love to enter my life. As cliché as it sounds, I still believe it’s true. I mean I don’t want to get into a relationship just for the heck of it. I don’t want to force myself into loving someone who I truly don’t have any feelings for.

There are times when I do feel lonely especially around Valentine’s Day. It’s the time when love is in the air and you see couples everywhere. Then I start to wonder what it would be like to have someone who would deeply love you. I start to imagine how it feels like to have someone who would greet you everyone morning and kiss you goodnight before you go to bed. How it would be like if you had someone to hold your hand as you walked. How it would feel for someone to make you feel that inexplicable happiness. Then I start to wonder, why haven’t I found the right person yet? Why haven’t I fallen in love yet?

When people ask me why I still haven’t had a boyfriend, I don’t really know how to answer them because I don’t know either.  It’s not that I don’t want to fall in love, it’s just that I’ve been so focused on life, on myself, on the people around me, and making my dreams come true that I forget to think about falling in love. I’d like to think that I want to make my dreams come true first before I become someone else’s come true.

I know that I’m still young and that I shouldn’t  rush things. I still have my whole life ahead of me. I still have a lot of time to fall in love. People may say that there’s something wrong with me for being like this, but at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is what I think—waiting for the right person and waiting for love to come will make falling in love even much more sweeter someday.

An article I wrote for Candymag.com. This was published exactly a month ago but I am still overwhelmed by the feedback it has been receiving. Long live single ladies hahaha!

anonymous asked:

My degree allows me to do so much. Work for the government, the armed forces, be a historian but im a cafe manager. I'm so happy in my job, my dream is to own my own cafe. I love my job so much I want to continue itnfor as long as I can.

That is so sweet. I’m really happy for you. I’m sure you’ll own your own cafe one day and it’ll be an amazing one :)

Hello friends! Exciting news, as I’m now officially a published author! This morning I published my first poetry collection, “A Final Prayer to Heaven”. This is a questioning and satirical poetry collection concerning the Christian church and the idea of God. Inspiration for this collection came to me while attending a certain church in northwest Austin. This church is pastored by a rather homophobic and Islamaphobic man who delivers his own twisted interpretation of Christianity. Some of you may remember my manifesto which I sent to this church. Upon sending my manifesto to the youth minister of the church twice and receiving no response, I sent a version of it to the head pastor. In response I received a somewhat patronizing email from him only emphasizing hypocrisy in the church. Regardless, I wrote my manifesto and this collection in an attempt to bring about change in the Christian church. I wish not to condemn any who truly do embody Christianity. Instead I wish to expose the members of the religion who pass on hate and ignorance to the next generation. My collection also tries to deal with tough questions concerning religion and God; such as why does evil exist, and is God allowing it to exist? Is God really all loving for everyone? Who created heaven, was it God or humans? But beyond all of this, I try to show how we must strive to love and accept everyone regardless of religion, race, or sexual orientation. It is not our place to judge or condemn, we are simply called to cherish and love one another. I’ve made this collection completely free for download, plus it’s really short (only 7 poems and feel free to skip the introduction). If you guys have some time download a copy, share it with people, and leave a review! Stay tuned for my next poetry collection coming soon! Don’t worry it’s not as heavy as this one, it’s just a love poem collection. Thanks to all those who have encouraged me and helped me along my literary journey as I could never have done it without you guys. I hope Voltaire would be proud. Pick up a copy here ➡️ http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/534225