I actually see some parallels between Crowen and Jolex. Both Owen and Jo are very flawed and have their demons (his war PSTD and her PTSD from sexual abuse), both Cristina and Alex weren’t scared off by those demons, yet fell for these two, both were the second chances for Cristina and Alex after their first loves hurt them so much and made them feel like they weren’t good enough. I love both ships and I hope both somehow end up together.


i’ve been hesitating posting this but i feel as if it will make me feel a whole lot better. 

My whole entire life I’ve grown up as the stereotypical “girly girl”. Nobody really understands me, besides this man. This is a picture of my Great Grandpa Cornelius. My Pop Pop. This man is my hero. My Pop Pop was in the Army and served during WWII. I used to spend a lot of time with him and he used to tell me such amazing stories. When i was 13 he showed me the shrapnel in his shoulder that he got from an exploding tank nearby, and in that exact moment I knew what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I knew I was going to join the military. I knew that I wanted to give back and serve my country. My Pop Pop is now 91 years old, and his health is depleting. He’s not all there mentally and suffers from PTSD. It’s sad to see him the way he is. I’m not sure how much longer I’ll have him in my life. So I cherish every second I have left with him. He’s the only one that believes in me. Whenever I talk about joining with my parents or my friends they shut me out. Nobody wants to listen and they tell me I’m stupid and throwing my life away. Well the way I see it, I’m doing the most amazing thing any person in the world could do. I just cannot wait to prove everyone wrong. 

Sorry for rambling, and this may not mean anything to anyone on here, but it means so much to me. I just really want to make him proud.

WARning to Neuroscientists

Britain’s Royal Society recently released a report on the “possible benefits of neuroscience to military and law enforcement”. Areas of concentration are military training, performance enhancementneuropharmacology or “Botox for the Brain” (to combat fatigue or erase painful memories) and using fMRI for screening or recruiting and other types of task training. This isn’t new and it’s proposed in a positive light to improve military efficiency which translates into a big budget win.  

But in nearly the same breath of talking about neural processing research to help facilitate rehabilitation to wounded soldiers (i.e., trauma or prosthetic limbs), using these applications conversely against the enemy is ever so briefly mentioned.  An example of this would be development of neuro-weaponry like chemical or biological weapons, “anesthetic agents” that would modify or incapacitate the central nervous system of the enemy or that could be used in riot control. The report also mentions “the use of devices known as brain-machine interfaces (BMIs), which connects soldiers’ brains directly to military technology, such as drone aircraft and weapons.” [via]

So whats the big deal?  

“As a scientist I dislike that someone might be hurt by my work,” Vince Clark, a cognitive neuroscientist at the University of New Mexico, told the British newspaper The Daily Telegraph. “I want to reduce suffering, to make the world a better place, but there are people in the world with different intentions, and I don’t know how to deal with that.” [via]

To which the Royal Society says, buck up (basically), stressing that researchers should just “be aware of the potential uses that your work may put to in the future.” [via

Prof. Rod Flower, one of the members who chaired the report, suggests these investigations are similar to how GPS was first used by the military and now we are each basically a walking GPS, via cars and cell phones.  The idea that some of the applications above that governments are looking into might one day be so common place is very remarkable, part inevitable and possibly, deplorable.

The full report with recommendations - here.


PTSD and Anger

It is common for someone with (or in recovery from) post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) to experience anger. In fact, because the experience of anger is so common among people with PTSD, it is actually considered one of the hyper arousal symptoms of PTSD. Although anger can often lead to unhealthy behaviours (for example, substance use or impulsive behaviour , the experience of anger in and of itself is not a bad thing. It is a valid emotional experience that can provide you with important information.

The Facets and Functions of Anger

In general, even though emotions may often feel unpleasant or uncomfortable, they serve a very important purpose. Emotions are essentially our body’s way of communicating with us. Emotions can communicate information to other people, give us information about our environment, prepare us for action, and deepen our experience of life.

Anger in particular is an emotion that is often about control. When we experience anger, our body may be telling us that we feel as though things are out of our control, or that we have been violated in some way. Anger can motivate us to try to establish control (or a sense of control) over a situation. Given this function of anger, it makes sense that a person with PTSD may often experience anger.

The experience of a traumatic event can make you feel violated or constantly unsafe. It may also make you feel as though you have little control over your life. In addition, the symptoms of PTSD can give you the sense that danger is all around and there is no escape. The extreme fluctuations of internal experience among people with PTSD (for example, constantly fluctuating between emotional numbing and intense anxiety) may also make you experience your inner life as chaotic and out of control. Considering these symptoms, it seems completely understandable that you may experience anger, as your body is attempting to communicate to you that things feel out of our control.

Even though anger is a very valid emotion, according to Seeking Safety, a well-known treatment for people with PTSD and substance use problems developed by Dr. Lisa Najavits, it has the potential to be used either constructively or destructively.

Constructive Anger

In Seeking Safety, Dr. Lisa Najavits describes constructive anger as anger that can be healing. Constructive anger is often not as strong as destructive anger. It is also something that can be explored or examined to help you better understand your situation, other people, and yourself. Further, for anger to be constructive, a person must also be aware of that anger. Finally, constructive anger is something that is managed appropriately. To do so, you have to recognize your own needs and the needs of others.

As an example of constructive anger, let’s say that a friend cancels an important lunch date with you at the last minute. By approaching your anger and listening to what it is telling you, you might be motivated to talk to your friend about how you were upset by the last-minute cancellation and come up with ways to make sure that it doesn’t happen again. The anger in this situation is being used to take control over the situation and maintain your self-respect.

Destructive Anger:

Destructive anger causes harm, according to Dr. Lisa Najavits in Seeking Safety. This is anger that is responded to in an unhealthy way. For example, a person may act out aggressively towards others. The anger might also be turned inward, resulting in deliberate self-harm or substance use.

Destructive anger is also often very frequent and/or strong. It may also be something that the person is unaware of or something that the person has suppressed or tried to avoid. When anger (as well as other emotions) are not attended to, the emotion often builds in strength and can increase the likelihood that it would be expressed in an unhealthy manner.

Destructive anger may work very well in the short-term by releasing tension; however, it is associated with long-term negative consequences. For example, if you were to respond to your friend (from the example above) by yelling at him or cutting off all ties with him, you could lose a friendship and an important source of social support. If you took the anger out on yourself, you wouldn’t learn how to adequately cope with the situation, increasing the likelihood that it would occur again in the future.

Managing Your Anger:

Anger can be a difficult emotion to manage, especially for someone with PTSD. However, if you can listen to your anger and attempt to connect with the information that it is giving you, you can learn how to better respond to your environment. In addition, better understanding why the anger is there may make it feel less chaotic and unpredictable.

There are a number of healthy ways of managing anger (as well as other emotions). For example, self-soothing skills can be very helpful. Taking a time-out can also be helpful. Finally, seeking out social support can also be an effective way of responding to anger. Other emotion regulation strategies that may be helpful for anger are discussed here. Seeking Safety also includes a number of ways of coping with anger (as well as other symptoms of PTSD).

It is important to remember that if you have been pushing down your anger for some time, it may initially feel very uncomfortable to approach it. The anger may feel very intense or out of control. However, the more you approach your anger, listen to it, and respond to it in a healthy way, the more your tolerance for anger will increase, and the long-term negative consequences of not dealing with anger will decrease.


Record number of drone pilots quit jobs, cite PTSD & mental health issues


Didn’t realize my platoon was worrying about me. I was lost in thought of a lot of things and my Sgt. Decided to take these pics… Said he want to shower that no one comes home scar free… 3 hours… 54 minutes just… Thinking and fighting a war in my head…. All alone in my head…

You weren’t there for me
You beat my mother
You slapped me to the ground
You taught me that a man was to be feared
And a women to slaved
You drank till the bottle was empty upon the hour and refilled it upon the sip
You hurt us
You scard us
Then you left us
And when we ran you came running after
Not to love
But to hurt
We hid
We ran
And we hid and hid
And we suffered
At times we starved
At times we cried together
And me I was only but 4
Yet I Remember every day like it were yesterday
Every detail is more
Clear in my mind then the color of the shoes iv worn just the day before
I grew up envious
I grew up sad
But I smiled
I smiled everyday
And truely in my heart was always and am always happy for those who can never feel my pain
But what you did to me was make me watch as my friends as I grew up with there fathers to watch them at there games
Or tie their laces so they don’t fall
Or maybe
Or maybe just even give them a hug every once in a while
Instead you cheated on my mother and continued to drink your life right to jail
And when you come out
I’m what 19?
And you come looking for me right?
You want me to feel sorry for you?
You want to cry at my feet?
And then when I need you
The father who never even payed for a simple sandwich for me to eat
Left my mother and I beaten everyday in a basement apartment that flooded on the second of a rain storm
I forgave you?
And then I needed you, for the first time in my life I needed you and you can’t even be there to support me by co- signing a 2000 dollar loan for college when I have gotten the 43 thousand on my own you refuse right
And somehow I believed in you?
But why
You care about you and only you
And for that your not my father.
So fuck off.
You ruined your own future and beat the only blood you had and left me with scars, what made me think you cared for my future?
—  ~ poetry by Erica Lynn

Hi, It’s James Windale again! I remember you saying that you don’t read much fiction so I wanted share something with you that isn’t fiction that I wrote. In fact it’s a major issue in the EMS and First Responder field. I recently wrote a piece concerning PTSD in EMS and it’s been getting a lot of awesome responses and I was hoping you’d share it with your followers. It’s a really personal piece for me because it merges two worlds of mine, both EMS and writing. It also features our friend Hemingway and my grandfather who was a field medic in Burma during World War II.

Thanks for your consideration.

- James Windale

Thank you for sharing this.  It was very informative.  My mother was also an emergency room RN for several years and having been and accidental first responder (which is not my profession) in two separate traumatic events myself, I can understand the toll witnessing these real life horrors can be.  Especially when you deal with it daily and in more severity.

Dating & PTSD

Dating with PTSD: A Few Quick Tips

1. Dating someone with PTSD isn’t any more difficult than dating anyone else, but it does require a little more sensitivity. Don’t be afraid to be open and expressive, but avoid words associated with the kind of trauma they’ve been through. For example, if your partner is a victim of sexual assault, using the oh-so-popular “Man, you just got raped!” expression is SO NOT COOL. Avoid trivializing the word ‘rape’ and related expressions.

2. Understand that intimacy might not be as easy for your partner, on both ends of the spectrum. Sufferers of neglect and sexual, physical and/or verbal abuse might be more wary of physical intimacy. You might want to let them set the course for how quickly your sexual relationship heats up, and make sure that they know that you understand if they want to wait.

3. On the other hand, many PTSD sufferers are sensitive to rejection, and feeling that they are unwanted or less desirable due to their past experiences can bring tension into the relationship. There’s a fine line between sexual pressure and showing affection; let them know that you care for them by holding their hand or telling them that you find them attractive. Make time for them. Just don’t think that “I’m not ready for [sex, kissing, this or that base]” means that no affection is allowed. You not showing affection after they’ve set boundaries will make them feel rejected.

4. Sneak attacks can send your partner into panic mode. Tickle attacks, jumping out at or sneaking up from behind someone can be funny and even cute, but this can be really unsettling to someone with PTSD. Victims of abuse may flinch or be startled easily, and any kind of physical “surprise!” can cause them to panic. Keep physical contact affectionate and on their terms. Let your partner be aware that it’s you who is touching them and that you will stop if they want you to. Never make your partner feel helpless or trapped.

5. Every couple fights. It’s just what happens. Little arguments can even be good for a relationship; letting off steam stops tension from building up and leading to bigger fights. But–and in this case, it doesn’t really matter whether your partner has PTSD or not–the way you argue with your significant other is really important. Getting in their face, letting all emotion leave your expression, waving your arms, stomping your feet or standing too close WILL FRIGHTEN YOUR PARTNER. Power plays are common in relationships, but even arguing couples don’t want to scare their partner into fearing physical harm.

So let’s go through the list:

Getting in their face: Close proximity, especially when yelling, will make your partner feel trapped and threatened. Snapping teeth, hot breath and a lot of body warmth or mass too close (especially if you are the bigger or stronger partner) will scare your loved one.

Becoming emotionless: For victims of sexual or physical abuse, the moment when emotion (malice, love, anger, hurt, etc.) leaves someone’s eyes and face is generally the moment before they’re struck. If they can’t see what you’re feeling, then uncertainty and past experience will tell them that you’ve reached a breaking point and they’re about to be hit, even if that’s not at all your intention. Throughout arguments, let your partner know exactly what you’re feeling, and don’t shut down.

Waving arms, stomping feet & coming too close: Like getting in your partner’s face, all of the above will make them feel threatened. Predatory movements that are loud and show off your physical strength are especially terrifying. Waving arms, in the mind of someone with PTSD, equal being slapped or hit, stomping feet mean that someone is chasing them and coming too close will make them feel trapped and out of control. No matter how upset you are, never bring physical movements into a fight.

6. Overall, just be patient. Dramatics can be fun and exciting but dating someone will PTSD means being willing to take things slow, giving up a little of your own control, and being extremely open with your partner. The more they feel they understand where you are, what you’re thinking or feeing, and how you’ll respond to their needs, the more comfortable they’ll be around you.

anonymous asked:

I saw u said u have pstd before. ur parents not buy u the toyz u wanted as a snot nosed brat lmao liek you know what dicossiation is

No anon… I do not have ptsd because I wasn’t spoiled rotten as a child or raised to be a self centered little brat.

Why I have ptsd and know about dissociation is very personal and I am not about to share with strangers on the internet other than the following:

I had a shitty childhood. I had a shitty adolescence. But I know I am not the only one and I also know…. that I am awesome because I am a survivor. I survived. I survived my childhood. That’s all I am willing to say on that subject.

Anyway,  I am sorry you are so quick to misjudge people based on one small post and I hope you have a great evening.

What is Trauma, Part 5: Wait, trauma symptoms are ADAPTIVE??

In 1918-19, the world saw the worst pandemic in history. Spanish flu swept across the globe in three waves, killing more people than WWI had. In most epidemics, including influenza, the highest rate of mortality occurs in really old and really young people, because they have the weakest immune systems. However, in this case, young, healthy adults died at an even higher rate than the elderly. Why?

Actually, it was that strong immune system that did them in. When the virus was detected in the lungs, their bodies launched an overzealous defense to block the disease, pouring fluid filled with white blood cells and other disease fighting agents into the lungs, and the end result was that they drowned.

So why the downer story in a discussion of trauma? Because we think of trauma symptoms as something to be cured, when in fact they’re the cure run amok. Here’s how that happens:

Intrusion: After a traumatic event your brain will want to rehearse for future scenarios so that it will be better prepared to handle a similar situation. It could also be trying to make sense of what happened via review, so it relives the trauma in nightmares, flash backs or intrusive thoughts of the event.

Avoidance: Other times, the mind is going to want to avoid anything that reminds it of the traumatic event, so it steers you to avoid anything that might remind it of that or anything that makes it feel like that, and since this happens in the reactive part of the brain instead of the higher functioning area, it won’t feel like a rational choice, but will just block access to the memory.

Hypervigilance: The other thing that will happen is that your brain will be wary of that event happening again. So anything that even remotely resembles the circumstances of the event are now cause for an intense reaction, ranging from being jumpy to a full-blown panic attack.

Disassociation: When all else fails, your mind will bail. It senses that circumstances are too overwhelming to process and will temporarily eject your consciousness either during the trauma, or afterward if it thinks it needs to be protected.

Clearly, these guys cross the line into being unhelpful after a certain point, but I think part of recovery can be seeing trauma symptoms not as an invasion of something alien, but as a sort of ally that needs to be talked down.