pseudohallucination

PSEUDOHALLUCINATION

[noun]

an involuntary sensory experience vivid enough to be regarded as a hallucination, but recognised by the patient not to be the result of external stimuli. In other words, it is a hallucination that is recognised as a hallucination, as opposed to a “normal” hallucination which would be perceived as real. The term is not widely used in the psychiatric and medical fields, as it is considered ambiguous. The term “nonpsychotic hallucination” is more preferred.

First Post...

Hello friends on Tumblr,

This is my first post. This blog is mainly going to be about my recovery from three mental illnesses: depression, generalized anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder. I’m at a risk of being diagnosed with an another mental disorder.

So, recently, I’ve been suffering from hallucinations and psychosis.

The thing that confuses me, is that I’m hearing voices inside my head (I think it is called pseudohallucination), which is not audible but audible inside my head. Most of the time, I know that I am hallucinating because of my PTSD. However, I’ve been developing voices with personalities, ideas, names, and others… it’s so confusing to me. The voices… they’re always there. They are here from morning to night. I want to give up and just abandon everything.

Sometimes, the voices are extremely real and I don’t know if I am imagining things or actually hearing this… I am so puzzled.

The voices tell me to kill myself, hurt myself, and do stupid things. They’re mean. There are couple good hallucinations, though.

Honestly, I think I have schizophrenia but people say that schizophrenics only hear “real” auditory hallucinaitons, in another words, hearing voices outside of your head. I feel scared every single day with these hallucinations. They are vicious, cruel, and horrifying. My hallucinations are mostly pseudohallucinations, so I might not be schizophrenic, but instead I might have boderline personality disorder. I don’t know. I just want to give up everything.

What is your thought on this?

Karen

Michelle.

Karen, is that you? The one with the teenager-like voice…

Yeah, that’s me. You already know me well. You must run. Now.

Why?

You’re not safe. You need to flee.

How do you know?

I am part of the voices, you know that.

Okay. That doesn’t mean that you know EVERYTHING.

Oh , you don’t know them properly. We live together, inside your head, seperate from Brianna and Kash. They are girls that I look down on.

Okay. What do I do? I don’t see you guys, so I have no idea on how to-

You know. The only way to forget everything and end the relationship with us to kill yourself.

Karen. I knew that you would say that. You… all voice-changers are like this. Not Kash though. You made her to voice-change. She’s an innocent girl. She didn’t do anything. Leave me alone!

This is an example of my dialogue (in my pseudohallucinations) with Karen. Karen, who is a teenager (she’s a year younger than me), is a girl who warns if she senses an upcoming danger. Although she is suppsoed to do that, she only threatens me and convinces me to kill myself. Of course, I try to resist her. All bad hallucinations (except for Kash and Brianna) change their voices very rapidly to scare me and torture me. During my dialogue, voices exchange their tones and murmur words in my head. Karen can be the most helpful but the worst hallucination.

Good night! <3

So I’m not finding the information I want for my surrealism essay but apparently my weird intrusive thoughts, as I have been categorizing them, may be pseudohallucinations. Or nonpsychotic hallucinations? Gotta look that shit up when I’m not supposed to be looking up something largely unrelated