I don’t know when it happened, or why it
happened. You just stopped. There were
no more phone calls in the middle of the
night when you couldn’t sleep, no more
texts that read, “I miss you.” The only time
you said I was beautiful, was when I asked
if I was. It’s not that I needed your validation,
I just missed hearing it. When you answered
the phone your voice sounded dull, the excuses
were, “I’m tired.” “I don’t feel well.” I never
knew the right words to say until after the
conversation ended, my talking just felt like
crunching leaves under your feet. You’d walk
over me subconsciously, I felt like I was the
gum on the bottom of your shoe. You’d get
rid of me faster than you’d let me stay.
I always held on a little too tight, a little too
long, I guess I was just waiting for the favor
to be returned. But your arms became
cemented to your sides, like walls around
your soul. I became the vines growing up
the bricks, trying to be tall enough to get a
peek of what’s behind them. I never was
tall enough, I never was good enough.
Soon enough the I love you’s just slipped
your mind, you forgot. I stopped noticing
how long it took you to reply, it became
our new normal. The nights we went without
talking, the mornings that went without the
good, the days we talked for five minutes, it
was all normal. You stopped. So, I’ll stop.
Or at least, I’ll try..
—  i.c. // "you stopped loving me"
My heart didn’t break into a thousand pieces after he left. Instead, I realized all the things he didn’t do. He didn’t want to hear my stories. He didn’t ask me questions. He didn’t smile when I was talking to him. He didn’t hug me out of the blue to make me feel good. His hugs were always a preamble to something else and after he was gone, I wondered if he ever knew me at all.
—  Diane Les Becquets

He said,
“I want to see the real you.
I want to feel you without a shield,
put your guards down,
and let me in.”

You think he means
the thoughts in your mind,
the many holes in your heart,
and the words you write
on late nights.

So you fuck him,
not because you love him
but because he made you believe
that he did indeed
fall in love with you, too.

— 

It’s hard letting go of someone who was your first. He was my best friend but after we did it, he stopped being my friend.” // M.D.L

AIR

I don’t like the ocean
the water is too pure
too arrogant
too aggressive
it tosses you around 
like you’re it’s bitch
pushes you out on to the sand
and then drags you back in
just so it can throw you back out again

I like rivers
because the water has lived
It’s been stagnant and slow moving
and collected diseases and fended them off
It’s been full and has flowed over
and been sucked into the sky against it’s will 
at times it’s pulse has been strong
and at times it has been weak
the water is murky and full of shit
and it flows anyway into safer, cleaner places
and has flowed back into the shit after it thought that it had finally gotten it right
but no matter how much shit it flows through,
it still flows
and even though it has nothing to offer you
you and the moon are always welcome

It’s easy to judge a hurricane
but a hurricane is just air
that wants to be free
it’s air that’s tired of being breathed in
and used
and made into something that it’s not
it’s air that’s tired of the empty promises
that the ocean has to offer
so it rebels and fights back
takes what it needs
and goes looking for revenge
on those who have taken advantage of it
only to realize that it was wrong in those actions
and not long after that
it fades away forever
leaving miles of destruction behind
in it’s wake
I like hurricanes, too
because I understand a hurricane
I get it
I know what that feels like

1. The first boy that compares your eyes to hurricanes and says you have hands that feel like home is not the one.

2. You can drown yourself in as much alcohol as you’d like, but the ghosts in your bones will still know how to swim long after you forget how to.

3. If you love him to the point of madness, you will become it.

4. The first boy to tell you that you have lips like a wildfire will be the first to burn you down.

5. Don’t try to fill your lungs with the ocean in your chest and call it self-defense.

6. Don’t be afraid to spit the venom between your teeth. It was put there for a reason.

—  Reminders To My Sixteen Year Old Self // heartofthebitter-mindofapoet
The apocalypse was quiet. It had a way about it, a certain charm. It could be called graceful. It was taking a long time.

People prepared for an apocalypse that they could take up arms against, bunker down with. People hoarded filtered water, canned corn, dry milk, batteries. They published books on how to get things done in the new post-world, a world that they always imagined as being much like our own, only missing one or two key things. They might imagine, for example, that survivors would reemerge onto a planet stripped of all vegetable and plant life. First, the animals would grow vicious and then starve. It would be important to hoard as many of these animals as possible, pack them in salt and hide them away to keep. You’d want to have a supply of emergency seed to grow in a secure location, maybe using sterilized soil that you had already hoarded. Then you’d want to gather a crew. One muscle man with a heart of gold, a scientist type, an engineer, a child, and somebody that you thought maybe you could love, if you survived long enough to love them.
You asked me what scares me and I could only answer honestly, so I told you about how the thing that scares me most is when he comes into my room crying and shaking and wanting a hug. I told you it scares me because when he walks into my open arms, it takes all my strength to compose myself and remain calm because every time this happens I just want to break down and cry for him. This scares me because I don’t want to have to watch him experience the hell I went through and almost didn’t make it through. I’m scared he won’t make it through.
—  my brother is so strong but i don’t know how much he can take before he decides that he needs a break. // stories sequence #1

This will seem arrogant, but it is not intended.

This will seem vain, but it is not intended.

This will seem self-centred, but it is not intended.

You’re handsome, they tell me, but I don’t see it. I have never seen that. Having been subject to taunts about the colour of my flesh, I have never recognised any aesthetic beauty in myself.

Handsome, I may or may not be. Come speak to me about words.

Come talk to me about the words that are hidden away and waiting to escape into the world. Come talk to me at 3 a.m. when the world is a scarier place and I am alone and my face is hidden in the darkness which surrounds me.

Come to talk to me about things which go far beyond the flesh.

This will seem arrogant, but it is not intended.

This will seem vain, but it is not intended.

This will seem self-centred, but it is not intended.

—  Navin E. (come speak to me)
Like the Rock of Gibraltar

Sometimes there are ocean waves that look like dead men’s fingertips, beckoning. That’s probably why he jumped off that cliff last Sunday when he was supposed to be singing at church and smiling and, well, alive. At least that’s what the news reports say.

Because it couldn’t possibly have been the children in his third grade class who called him burnt toast, could it? Oh no, it couldn’t possibly have been when Samantha told him he belonged in the trash or when the school janitor used to come around and they’d tell him to mop away the spilt coffee before it leaves a stain.

You met him in high school and before the other kids could call him grizzly, you gathered up the bear traps and loved him. You swallowed the sea foam before they’d start to lure him with a single gesture, the same way death coaxed that man head first into jagged rocks.

It took you a while to realise he’s strong too. You both have gotten used to the young mothers whispering into their blue-eyed daughters’ ears whenever you passed by hand in hand. You’ve gotten used to the train journey stares with his warm hands on your hips. And when the old park ladies come up to you and ask why, just smile and kiss him long and hard until they go away. They always do.

—request

Let’s talk about everything, or almost everything. Let’s keep some things secret, so there is more to discover. I want to spend the next 51 years looking at you like I’m Darwin on an expedition, discovering evolution. Let’s go to cafés and order cups of cappuccinos as big as our heads even though we’ll never finish them. Let’s exhale all the breath we’ve held in during the all years we’ve lived. Let’s do that together.
—  Salma Deera

I hope you fall in love with a girl who doesn’t have fault lines for veins.

My Works In Progress

These writings are Me… inside out.
I can’t worry about their perfection
because they never will be perfect.
There is no right or wrong…
It’s simply the doing that’s important.
I don’t wait to find the magic
because it doesn’t exist.
What does exist is
the relationship I’ve forged
between pen, paper, hand, and heart;
And the love I have for writing these words.

© inkedwithsunshine 2014

1. Learn to love sleeping along. You might not always have someone to hold you in their arms. Wrap your arms around yourself and feel safe. You are your own home, no one else is.

2. If you want to sleep in, sleep in. If you want to wake up with the sun, wake up with the sun. If you want to spend the whole day in bed, you can. Don’t waste your life asleep, but don’t let anyone make you feel bad for being rested and spending a day doing nothing.

3. Stop associating food with guilt. Eat what makes you happy, eat what tastes good, eat when you’re hungry, and don’t apologize for it. Eat the damn cake.

4. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for the way you feel. Your feelings are valid simply because you feel them.

5. Let go of hate. Hatred resides in you like a rock sitting at the bottom of your stomach. You have to carry it around and feel its weight all the time. Let it go and see how much lighter you feel.

6. Just because you don’t talk to someone every minute of every day does not mean that you aren’t loved or cared about by this person. Relying on someone’s constant attention is toxic. Don’t mistake codependency for love.

7. Don’t drink to forget. I promise it never works. You might forget everything else, but you’ll always be left with the one thing you wanted to forget in the first place.

8. Do things for the right reasons. Be kind for the sake of being a kind person, not so people will think you are a kind person. Follow this rule in all things.

9. If they fuck someone else, you walk out the damn door. Do not make excuses for someone who does not value you.

10. It is okay to be single. Completely single. Without anyone you text when you’re lonely or who tells you you’re beautiful or even someone to flirt with. You have yourself, and often this is the only person you’ll have, so learn to be complete with just your company.

11. Just because it won’t make you a lot of money doesn’t mean you shouldn’t pursue it.

12. Work hard at what you love. Pursue it wholly. If you want to spend your life doing what you love, you better be damn good at it, so work your ass off for it.

13. Write things down all the time. Even if they seem insignificant. In 20 years you’ll thank yourself.

14. Think long term. In five years, will what you’re investing your time and energy in still be important to you? Will it still matter? Are the people you’re with the most the same people you want to grow old around? If the answer is no, make changes. Be better, do better, embrace change.

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