AESTHETIC PUNK MODERN MYTHOLOGY MEME

[1] Greek God Titan - Prometheus

Prometheus is still proud of his creation. Pandora may have brought sorrow on the human kind, but they didn’t just manage to survive, no, they became almost godlike.  
Unlike mankind, Prometheus didn’t change much, because what can an artist do other than create? Now he is a high school art teacher, but also gives metalworking courses, just like he did back then in Greece. He continues to wear the ring that Zeus gave him, he doesn’t have the right to forget his torment, not yet. But he still hasn’t learned his lesson, he is still the revolutionary trickster that he was millenniums ago, just nowadays his alias changed from foresight to Banski

Making an Homunculus: Liber vaccae - The Book of the Cow

You will need:

  • One cow
  • One ewe
  • Semen of a magician
  • One’s own urine, fresh
  • Ground sunstone
  • Sulfur
  • “Magnet” (Iron)
  • Green tutia
  • Willow sap
  • Very large glass or leaden vessel
  • Small dark house or shed, with no sunlight able to seep in.

To create your homunculus:

  1. Take a vessel of one’s own water [urine] while warm, and mix with an equal amount of the stone of the sun.

  2. Select either your ewe or your cow. Clean the vulva of the selected animal with herbs and medicines, making the womb capable of receiving what is put therein.

  3. Take the unselected animal. Exsanguinate. Apply a measure of fresh blood on the vulva of the animal being prepared to bear the homunculus and place the semen of the magician deep within the reproductive canal. Store remaining blood.

  4. Plug the vulva of the selected animal with the stone of the sun. Place animal in dark house.

  5. Feed one pound of the blood of the unselected animal to imprisoned animal each week.

  6. Mix equal measures of the sunstone, sulfur, iron, and green tutia with the willow sap and allow to dry in the shadows.

After the cow or sheep gives birth to a shapeless form, it must be immediately put within the powder of minerals and sap prepared in advance. This will provide its skin. Place it within the large glass or leaden vessel. Feed it with only blood and milk from its mother and do not let the sun shine upon it.

How to use your homunculus:

There are many uses for an homunculus -

  • To change the progress of the moon, or to become a cow or sheep: Feed the homunculus as stated. Vivisect it after seven days and state your intentions.

  • To walk upon water: Feed the homunculus as stated. Vivisect it after forty days and apply its fluids to the soles of the feet.

  • To discover what is missing: Feed the homunculus as stated. Leave it within milk and rainwater for a year. After a year passes, it will reveal all that is absent.

Should you fail at your endeavors, the most likely reason is that sunlight touched the impregnated animal or homunculus.

Recipe:

From the Liber Vaccae of William of Auvergne. 12th or 13th century. Extracted from Natural Particulars: Nature and the Disciplines in Renaissance Europe. Anthony Grafton and Nancy Siraisi, 1999.

Images:

Donum Dei, Ortus diviciarum sapiencie Dei. Possibly by Georgius Aurach de Argentine, 15th or 16th century.

anonymous asked:

have you done the myth of prometheus? please do the myth of prometheus!!!

So, last week, we learnt all about Pandora and her super fearsome jar of eldritch monstrosities, but without context, it’s really just the story of a load of erroneously vengeful gods fucking shit up for no reason. To be fair, with context, it’s still the story of a load of erroneously vengeful gods fucking shit up for no reason, but there is also fire and beef, so.

If you don’t want to hear a poorly retold story of Zeus’ sex schedule and the reason humans don’t have laser eyes, press J on your keyboard to skip, but honestly, I think we all have a right to know why we don’t have laser eyes.

*

It’s a long long time ago, when the world is new and still within its return date, and there lives a Titan named Prometheus. Prometheus is kind of a radical dude, all intelligent and chiselled of jaw, but he’s also definitely That Guy who talks way too much about himself on dates and hands out business cards at parties. He’s also the kind of dude who you really don’t want to be stuck in a lift with, because his name literally means ‘foresight’, and he has a really annoying habit of being a complete and utter know-it-all. This probably means that he’s great on panel shows and he’d be a whizz at Jeopardy, but unfortunately, he doesn’t have the ability to change his fate at all, even if he’s completely aware that it’s going to go tits up, and so he’s also chronically maudlin.

One day, Prometheus is just chilling on Mount Olympus, gazing over the barren emptiness of Earth, when Zeus comes up to him and he’s like “look, I have a favour to ask you, and it’s to do with my sexdule” and Prometheus is like “what’s a sexdule?” and Zeus clasps Prometheus on the back in a manly way without any homoerotic undertones whatsoever and takes out this massive red calendar, and says “I’m glad you asked! It’s my sex schedule. I’ve broken every day down into fifteen minute slots and colour coded them in orange, red and yellow to show whether they’re for wooing, boning or post-coital cheese crackers” and Prometheus looks at the calendar and says “but it’s all red” and Zeus nods sagely and says “turns out that it’s mostly boning, actually, which I could not have foreseen. I honestly didn’t expect this. I thought I’d be eating more crackers and doing fewer rounds of the lioness on a cheesegrater position. It’s news to me, but you know, it’s down in writing now, and who am I to quibble with the sexdule?” and then Prometheus just shudders and he’s all “look, what is it that you want from me, because I’m very aware that we’re halfway into a red block right now and I’m concerned about what or who is coming next” and Zeus laughs heartily and says “no worries, the sexdule doesn’t come into effect until next week, by which point there’ll be a way larger boning pool to choose from” and Prometheus is like “why will there be a larger boning pool?”

At this, Zeus grins toothily and says “that’s where you come in as the greatest wingman of all time! I’m tasking you with the creation of mankind and also animals, but they’re not for boning, so you should focus on the first part of that sentence” and Prometheus is like “what the fuck is mankind” and Zeus is all “well, how the Hades should I know? It hasn’t been created yet” and Prometheus just sort of sighs and says “this is going to go terribly, terribly wrong” and Zeus says “you’ll be fine, man, just wing it, that works for me 100% of the time on about half of all occasions” and Prometheus says “no, I have the gift of foresight, I know for a fact that this is going to go about as well as the time Robin Thicke did a Twitter Q&A” and Zeus is like “what’s Robin Thicke?” and Prometheus says “even with foresight, I can’t answer that question” and he goes off to create mankind, while Zeus goes off to create a paternity suit.

Down on Earth, Prometheus goes to find his brother Epimetheus, who embodies the qualities of hindsight and generally being a complete and utter idiot, and the two of them have a little look around the place until they find a big heap of clay. Epimetheus is just like “why are we here, clay is my least favourite thing ever, apart from making well-considered life choices” and Prometheus is all “Zeus has asked me to create mankind and also these things called animals, and I figure that clay is as good a material as any from which to form an entire array of species.” Epimetheus’ eyes light up gleefully and he cries “I fucking love craft projects, can I make one with pointy ears and spots?” and Prometheus is like “honestly, no offence intended, but I’m going to do the crafting. I’ll give you a totally rad job afterwards though, deal?” and Epimetheus pouts but agrees, saying “as long as you make one with pointy ears and spots, it’s a deal.” So, Prometheus grabs a huge hunk of clay and sets to work building all the animals, from armadillos to elephants to horseshoe crabs and, unforgivably, spiders, and then finally he takes the last piece of clay and moulds it into a shape that resembles the gods themselves, and he lines up all of these creations and then stands back and gazes upon his work with the eye of a proud father, single tear and all.

While Prometheus is standing there, beaming joyfully at his creations, Epimetheus sidles up to him and taps his brother on the shoulder and he’s like “so, about that totally rad job you were going to give me” and Prometheus says “yeah, about that” and Epimetheus is like “well, what is it?” and Prometheus is like “it’s a lot of work, is what it is” and Epimetheus is like “it’s cool, I’m up for it, just give me the brief, maestro” and Prometheus steels himself, because he has the gift of foresight and is very aware that this is not going to end in glorious success, and says “I need you to give each one of these creations a unique attribute or power so as to ensure its survival” and Epimetheus blinks and says “is that it?” and Prometheus nods, and Epimetheus just laughs and says “that’s a piece of piss, I’m going to give the one with pointy ears the gift of laser eyes” and Prometheus shakes his head and says “no, they need to be useful gifts” and Epimetheus is like “what’s not useful about laser eyes?” and Prometheus is like “well, they can’t be more powerful than the gods, and the gods don’t have laser eyes” and Epimetheus pouts and he says “OK, what about night vision?” and Prometheus considers it for a moment and then nods and says “yeah, that would be epic, do it” and Epimetheus just fucking goes ahead and does it. 

Then Prometheus says “and remember, you have to give every single creation a unique power, all right?” and Epimetheus is like “yep” and Prometheus says “all of them” and Epimetheus is like “got it” and Prometheus says “don’t go using up all the powers before you get to the final creation!” and Epimetheus is like “well, it’s your fault for not letting me give any of them laser eyes, but fine, I get the brief, now let me work” and Prometheus smiles at him in a way that’s supposed to be reassuring but is actually a bit manic, and Epimetheus gets to work.

To be fair to him, he’s diligent as balls. He takes his sweet time about it, sorting out whole ecosystems in which certain animals are given different abilities and weaknesses so that they’ll live in perfect symbiosis: he gives eagles sharp vision and gives mice speed and agility; he gives trees roots and hard bark and he gives insects the ability to burrow; he gives spiders the ability to be the most terrifying thing ever fucking created and he gives all other animals nightmares. And then, after he’s used his last power and he’s finished making everything absolutely goddamn perfect, he turns around to tell Prometheus that he’s finished, and he sees the final creation, standing plain and powerless, still in the image of the gods but without anything useful to contribute at all, and he’s like “shit.”

Prometheus comes over then, and he asks “so, are you done?” and Epimetheus just sort of shifts his weight from his left foot to his right, and he’s like “are you sure that laser eyes are out of the question?” and Prometheus narrows his eyes and says “which creation did you ignore?” and Epimetheus is like “look, I really think that ‘ignore’ is a strong word, I’d prefer to use the phrase ‘unwillingly neglect’” and Prometheus grabs him by the shoulders and hisses “which one?” and Epimetheus slumps and he’s all “the really important one. I’m sorry, man, I fucked up. I’ve never fucked up this badly before and that’s saying something, seeing as I literally lack the entire ability to foresee my errors of judgement” and Prometheus is like “you’ve let me down, Epimetheus. You’ve let me down, you’ve let Zeus down, and most importantly - ” and Epimetheus is like “let me guess, I’ve let myself down?” and Prometheus is like “shit no, if only. You’ve let down literally the entire pantheon and the whole of mankind, we’re going to lose our fucking balls for this.”

Epimetheus just falls to his knees and says “bro, you have to think of something, I really like having all my body parts” and Prometheus scratches his mighty forehead and says “I have a plan, but I have to warn you right now, it’s going to go horribly wrong” and Epimetheus just sighs deeply and says “so, nothing new there, then” and Prometheus is like “no, but this is going to create new levels of wrong. This is going to make previous wrongs look so, so right” and Epimetheus is like “but it’ll make my mistake all better, yeah?” and Prometheus just grits his square jawline and gazes into the middle distance, the setting sun illuminating half of his face in rusty copper hues, and says darkly “yes, but at what cost?” and I’m afraid that this is a cliffhanger.

My other retellings can be found here; my dedicated mythology blog is here; and my Mythology Mondays Facebook page is here. The latter two links also allow you to follow my progress in writing a whole actual book. Thrilling.

This myth will be continued, and in the next installment, there will be beef. 

Keep reading