At first living with Anna was difficult,
She was always cracking jokes that weren’t really funny.
I laughed anyway because I wanted her to like me.
I wanted to be cordial.
She would cook dinner every night and then never clean up after herself.
She never made enough for me either.
I felt hurt, she was living with me after all.
After a little while the jokes turned into compliments.
Whenever I went out with Anna people’s eyes turned towards us.
She would whisper” look everyone is staring, you’re beautiful.”
And even though she only cooked for herself I could smell the savory meal, which somewhere along the way turned out to be just enough.
My neighbor Henry was obnoxious but attractive.
He was always coming over to see what Anna had made, because the scent was so tempting.
He was always there. After a few weeks, I just learned to ignore him.
After a little more time I became best friends with Anna and she got to control the thermostat.
She always turned it freezing cold.
I began to wear big sweaters.
Anna would take me shopping and insist on buying me clothes that were a size too small at first.
When I started wearing sweaters all the clothes she had originally bought me engulfed my body.
I noticed Henry had gotten quieter and skinnier.
He looked tired and worn out.
And I realized that it wasn’t Henry…
The skeleton of a person was me.
And Anna only lived within,
That I had no one to blame but myself.
—  Living with an eating disorder

When you’re venting to someone, there are four types of people:

  1. The people who say “Aw, that’s too bad :(“
  2. The people who actually try to help you with your problems
  3. The people who just don’t care and say nothing
  4. The people who tell you to stop being cynical

Be careful who you vent to

I honestly don’t know what to do anymore tbh. I feel like I am such a failure, guys. I’ve binged again, like for the third time this week. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should fast and restrict calories (which makes me feel awesome and gives me good results but it’s hard to do when my parents are around), if I should eat healthy and try to have a balanced diet (which I have been doing for almost a year but it hasn’t given me the results I expected), or if I should just give up (no, I actually know I’M NOT FUCKING GIVING UP). 

But why is everything so difficult? I want to lose weight but all I lose is control… I mean I don’t know if I should talk with someone about my problems with food  because there’s no middle term: I either starve myself or I binge; I think I’m okay one day and then the other I’m like “ew why are you so fat”, and then I see food and I just kind of give up and Idk… being around people who eat chocolate on a daily basis and still they are the thinnest people ever doesn’t help at all.

Thanks if someone has actually spent a second of their day reading this, I’m sorry I just had to express myself.

IN NEED OF HELP

I’m currently struggling with juggling 9 (!!!!) subjects, study/revision and social life.

I thought I had it all figured out until I got my german exam back. I don’t want to keep getting bad marks as that really gets to me but I also still want to remain a good social life to avoid going insane.

If you have any tips, PRETTY PLEASE SEND THEM IN. I’m really in need of some help!!

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