I don't want to be here

Sometimes in meditation I think something like:
I don’t want to be here.

It’s a very simple phrase, that has a lot of implications.

I’ll try to break the sentence down:

  • "I": who is that? Who exactly is doing the wanting? Is it the "real me"? The unconscious in the sense of a bundle of acquired habits that demand control? There is a accumulative term for those: THE EGO!
  • "want": The above question is "who?", but the better question would be "where?". The "where" shows me, what this "want" really is. Is it an urge? A passion? An instinct? A reflex? A habit? The classic term is DESIRE
  • "be": One of my professors in philosophy once postulated, that most of the philosophical debates are based on a grammatical problem, since you can say "being" without any qualifiers. The actual meaning of "being" is to combine two words like "I" and "hungry" into "I am hungry". In his opinion phrases like "I am." or "knifes have part in the being." made as little sense as saying "Cologne is between". Since the field of ontology (the field that looks at what “is”, or the “essence” of everything, esse is just being in latin, so this word doesn’t really help in that regard) is a book with seven seals for me, I use being as another word for “non-doing”, which I am more comfortable with. I would also argue, that there is also an “spiritual being”, which isn’tto be found in the above phrase, since it’s about resistance, ego and desire.
  • "here": In English and German "here" is a place in time and a place in space. The good news is, that when I think the above phrase, I am not really "here", since I am blocking the moment out. So technically, my wish, not to be "here", becomes true, because I perform this thought. Sweet escape! The bad news: I left the only place, where the magic happens.

Bottom line: When I think “I don’t want to be here”, there is no “I”, no “want”, no “being”, no “here”. It’s just noise.


Modern science is stuck in a serious case of Confirmation bias…….

Since the 1900 with the emergence of relativity theory [and its erroneous postulates about the Lorentz contractions of charged mass-Matter in motion], modern science and the math used to describe it has continued to accept ever-increasingly wilder speculations about the true nature of the observations of physical processes on many energy scales….

In short what the mathematics formulates to be true and what Humanity are interpreted as the causative agents of these processes and formulations is growing further from the underlying geometric truth of the matter day by day…

Field singularities, Quantum Uncertainty, Virtual particles, and Black holes are but some of the most glaring mistakes of modern science’ current penchant or belief that maths is the ‘language’ of physics. Perhaps it may serve as a framework language to describe the underlying physical geometries at work - but it is Planck geometries themselves that serve as its ‘grammar’ and which reveal the true visual splendor of Nature at work on all energy scales…

Modern maths in physics is like the blind man with his walking stick who strives to describe the zebra he is prodding to all who would listen but not see for themselves….

(via TYWKIWDBI (“Tai-Wiki-Widbee”): A postulated functional utility for wrinkled fingers)

From Brain, Behavior, and Evolution, a suggestion that the wrinkles induced in fingers by water serve a function similar to that of rain treads on vehicular tires.

Here we provide evidence that, rather than being an accidental side effect of wetness, wet-induced wrinkles have been selected to enhance grip in wet conditions. We show that their morphology has the signature properties of drainage networks, enabling efficient removal of water from the gripped surface..

One can immediately see that they possess the signature structure of drainage networks on convex promontories… Namely, the channel-like wrinkle depressions tend to be disconnected from one another and diverge away from one another as they get more distant from the ‘peak’ near the fingertip; the divides (or borders between the channels) are connected, forming a tree with its root near the fingertip…

Wet-induced wrinkle treads, on the other hand, are pliable, and the act of pressing a finger tip down on a wet surface ‘squeezes’ the fluid out from under the finger through the channels, and upon completion of this single pulsatile flow the entire finger’s skin contacts the surface. In addition to wet-induced finger wrinkles having the signature morphology of drainage networks,the time scale at which they appear (around 5 min) [Cales and Weber, 1997] is plausibly appropriate for natural wet conditions; it is fast enough to be relevant for dew or rainy conditions but not so quick that casual contact with water (like when eating fruit) will elicit it.

We live entirely, especially if we are writers, by the imposition of a narrative line upon disparate images, by the ‘ideas’ with which we have learned to freeze the shifting phantasmagoria which is our actual experience.

Or at least we do for a while.


Joan Didion, The White Album

I just reread this essay, and I think it’s an important one for writers to read—not to be better writers, I think, but to be better humans outside of our writing. I definitely fall victim to the need to narrativize things that happen in my life, to want to say x happened because of y because of z. And yes, life is a series of chain reactions, of “fate” or whatever you want to call it splitting off like branches on a tree because of the decisions we make. But it doesn’t all have to make sense; it doesn’t have to tie up neatly. If there’s a gun on the mantle in the proverbial first act of my life, it doesn’t have to go off in the third.

I’m having a hard time with this concept right now, given how certain negative past actions of mine are resurfacing in what seems like a karmic rage, but we—I—need to remember that life is fucking random. Dwelling on the past events that lead to our current situation is, a lot of the time, useless. I know it can sound trite, but if life is a non-narrative, there’s only moving forward.

Kyousougiga Official Media Masterpost

Okay, so, this is mostly for my own reference because my memory’s not the most reliable machine, but hopefully others will find it useful too.

In order of release:

2011 - Original net animation - now repackaged as Episode 0 of the 2013 series

2012 - Manga - 4 chapters, dropped

2012 - OVA series - 5 short episodes expanding on scenes within the ONA

2013 - Full series (1080p stream @CR, ddl @AT) - 13 episodes, of which 6 have now aired; a more thorough remake of the ONA and OVAs, not a continuation

These do disagree with each other on some major plot points. The manner of Koto’s arrival in Mirror City and how she came by her magical hammer come to mind, but there are others too. Where they conflict, I’d go with the 2013 series as the final arbiter of canon, as it’s basically the final product the earlier versions were working up to.


An axiom, or postulate, is a premise or starting point of reasoning. As classically conceived, an axiom is a premise so evident as to be accepted as true without controversy.

The word comes from the Greek ἀξίωμα ‘that which is thought worthy or fit,’ or ‘that which commends itself as evident.

Axioms define and delimit the realm of analysis; the relative truth of an axiom is taken for granted within the particular domain of analysis, and serves as a starting point for deducing and inferring other relative truths.

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bdag gnyis - twofold identity: personal identity and identity of phenomena/ things; two aspects of selfhood: individual self and self-nature of phenomena; abbr. of {gang zag gi bdag dang chos kyi bdag} two postulated identities: self of individuals {gang zag gi bdag nyid} and that of phenomena {chos kyi bdag nyid} [RY]

rnam rtog - vikalpa, discursive thought, preconceived ideas, thoughts, interpretative concepts, habit-making thoughts, thought construction, postulates, cogitation, actual perception, thought, reflection, unreal conclusions, imagination, aberrations of the mind, obscuration, disgust, distaste, doubt, conceptual understanding, (subtle stage of mentality, division into subject and object, observable qualities defined, superstition, (man’s dividedness against himself, division into subject and object, tendency to artificially divide reality, second stage of rtog med in which a mind is postulated dealing with sense fields and sense perceptions or with subject and object, clinging to duality, characterized by a thorough-going split), SA rtog pa kun rtog, divisive thoughts, thought state [JV]

mtshan nyid yongs su chad pa’i kun btags - like the two egos, not existing bu by conception postulated as object so [IW]

Another important distinction between the colonial and neo-colonial situations is in the prospects for the struggle. The colonial situation (in which the nation class fights the repressive forces of the bourgeoisie of the colonizing country) can lead, apparently at least, to a nationalist solution (national revolution); the nation gains its independence and theoretically adopts the economic structure which best suits it.

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—  Amílcar Cabral, The Weapon of Theory



Is it possible that outside of our frame of reference, we are traveling at the speed of light, but we don’t sense it because everything else in our frame of reference (the observable universe) is also traveling at the speed of light?

Asked by the-apiarist


Great question! The Principal of Invariant Light Speed, one of Einstein’s postulates, states that the speed of light in a vacuum is constant no matter the frame of reference. Therefore, no matter the observer, the speed of light provides the same limitations on motion.

In short, probably not. It isn’t entirely impossible, but our current knowledge of the universe makes it highly improbable.

To read more about the Principle of Invariant Light Speed, please click here.

What do you think? Let us know by reblogging or commenting on this post.

Answered by Olivia D., Expert Leader

Edited by Ashlee R.

anonymous said:

(pt 1) What is your impression of the overall relationship between the turtles in the 2012 and 2k3 series? I've seen some say that in the 2k3 series, the brothers were more open, affectionate, and mature with each other, while in the 2012 series they act a bit more like kids with more teasing and roughhousing, but that the "closeness" that the brothers had in the 2k3 series isn't there in the new show and they don’t feel like they care about each other as much.

(pt 2) In fact, I’ve even seen it postulated that 2012Don especially feels isolated from the rest of his brothers, which is why he has more of a temper, is a bit more full of himself, and was so eager to spend time with April and Timothy, since he couldn’t get that sense of belonging within his family. Would you agree with this? Or would you say it’s just a difference in characterization, and the bros are just as close in both series, just in different ways because of their personality changes?

I’ve been sitting on this one for a while trying to figure out how to come at it, and it’s a strange one because sometimes there are things that are pretty much set it stone with no other interpretations, and sometimes it really all depends on the lens through which you view it, and I think there’s a large element of the latter that comes into play when people are looking at the relationships between the boys across incarnations.

The way that I see it (and YMMV and that’s okay too) is that the 2K3 and 2K12 (and, for that matter, the 2K7 and 2K14 brothers) are equally close, but they’re close differently.  The 2k3 brothers didn’t fight nearly as much as the 2012 brothers, but for all they were undeniably close, they also aren’t as physically demonstrative of that closeness as the 2012 brothers.  They have moments, sure, but not nearly as commonplace as 2012. The 2012 boys aren’t afraid to touch one another. They hug, they kiss, they comfort through physical contact more often than words. The closeness manifests differently. That, incidentally, was one of the things I really loved about the 2k14 movie. For all its issues (and boy howdy, did it have issues), the relationship between the brothers was different in many ways from any of the other incarnations, but it still really, really worked. It may not be my favourite, but I love it because it’s something different and wonderful in its own way. Like, I love bacon more than I probably should, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting a salad occasionally too, which can also be delicious, even if it’s not bacon.

…I should not do introspection when I’m hungry. 

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