Hi. I have to say, I’m nervous. I think with all this other love lettering I’ve done, it has been implicitly known that, though I’ve been trying to woo NBA stars who are seemingly out of my league, I am still a reasonably attractive woman and that sort of trumps everything. But you are really incredibly sexy. I know this because I saw you in real life.
Do you remember when we met? On December 17th 2012? We met. We locked eyes at Madison Square Garden. It looked like you wanted to go out with me, to a sushi restaurant maybe. I sense that since then, you have been searching everywhere for me. But how would you find me? What would you say? “Where is that beautiful yet average-looking girl I saw that one time for 7 seconds? Why can’t I stop thinking about her? How can I find her, Tyson?”
You’ve had a lot going on and maybe not a ton of time to search for me, but I think your coming back to play for the Knicks is one of the ways you’ve been signaling to me. A lover’s call through his trade. It’s incredibly romantic. Furthermore, you’ve been calling out to me on twitter. You have said things like ”She’s much too busy for me…somehow I’m attracted to that…how does that make sense?” and ”I lik her to look exotic…she shud stick out like a sore thumb…I sure do.” I know that these romantic tweets were addressed to me because I am both busy and exotic. Now, whereas your exoticness is mostly expressed in your beautiful hair, beautiful face, and unbeatable name, my sore-thumbness lies mostly in my hair, which is kind of weirdly shaped and big and poofy in its own special way, such that at least .4% of the number of people who have commented on your special hair have commented on my special hair.
Anyway, there is more that we share beyond these superficialities. For months you were unable to do your favorite thing, play basketball, because you hurt your knee. Ugh it was so terrible, I just wanted to love you right then! During your time off, I’m sure you felt an intense longing, not just for the woman you knew you would meet and fall in love with on December 17th, but for your game, at which you dominate. It’s maybe not exactly the same, but I know longing as well. Sometimes when I am on my 5-week winter break from grad school, I pine for school to start again just so that I can have work to do and make you think I am too busy for you. Also, sometimes when I have class from 12 to 2, I feel so much desire to eat lunch because that is when my body wants to eat lunch, but I can’t because I am in class. The point I’m making is that neither of us is a stranger to difficulty and heartbreak, but our soon-to-blossom relationship will only be better for it.
Part of the reason I know we are right for each other is your commitment and loyalty to your team. When I met you in December, you couldn’t even play, but you were there, on the court, cheering on and counseling your teammates while JR Smith looked annoyed. And then another big part of the part of the reason is you are really insightful about music and just outrageously cute while having insights! You also wrote this song of Knicks love, and to be honest, I’m not sure why it’s not on the radio everywhere and always. I’m telling you right now that I already feel relieved knowing that you are are the kind of man who is both dedicated and qualified enough to take on most of the lullaby-singing duty during the years that our four sweet children need lullabies.
Look. It is almost Valentines Day. I think you’re fine. But it’s more more than that, I think maybe we could be in love. What do you say we see where that 7-second stare that happened two months ago takes us?