A/N: I’m so so so sorry this took so long to put out, but please tell me if you guys are even still reading this
You nearly made it through the whole list over the past three weeks, going to Disneyland, and even convincing Cas to play laser tag with you guys. It went by in a blur, and you tried desperately to slow it down. It felt like every morning you woke up, and in a blink it was all over. You attempted to hide your panic from the boys, but it was hard when you spent so much time with them, it felt like you were wearing a mask half the time. You were only getting worse, and although you knew this would happen, it didn’t make it any easier.
You were supposed to go to the zoo one morning, after nearly three weeks in California. You hardly slept anymore, but sometimes pretended to when Sam got up so that he wouldn’t worry. He was currently taking a shower, and Dean was out getting breakfast.
He arrived shortly with coffee and a paper bag when Sam got out of the bathroom. “Hey (y/n)! Guess who got your favorite?” Dean said with a smile, pulling out a donut. He looked at you with a grin like a child. “This is your favorite, right? Chocolate frosting and rainbow sprinkles. Not the chocolate sprinkles, the rainbow ones, I remembered”
You smiled, trying to hide the exhaustion from your eyes. “Yeah, Dean-o, that’s my favorite”
You all sat at the small motel table and Dean passed you the food, Sam obviously forgoing the fried dough for a piece of fruit. You had no appetite whatsoever, but you kept picturing the pride in Dean’s eyes as he gave it to you, so you forced yourself to take a bite. It was apparently the wrong decision, and your stomach had other ideas as you immediately felt your stomach turn, and bile rise in your throat. You ran to the bathroom in record time, heaving over the porcelain bowl, as you felt Dean’s hand pull your hair back from your face. It was over quickly, but it seemed this was the last straw for you.
You left the bathroom, pushing Dean away from you. You felt all the anger and fear rise up in you at once, and your hand reached out for the nearest object, which happened to be the alarm clock, and threw it as hard as you could against the wall, shattering it, and stunning the two brothers into a heavy silence.
“Dammit!” you screamed. “God fucking dammit!”
Dean knew better than to ask what was going on, but Sam questioned you. “What’s wrong, (y/n)?”
Angry tears pooled in your eyes. “What’s wrong?! What’s wrong is that I’m fucking dying Sam! What’s wrong is that I can’t eat a single bite of my favorite food! What’s wrong is that my boyfriend does a nice thing for me, and I waste it! I’m never going to eat an actual meal again! Hell, in a week I’m never going to breathe again!” you yelled at your best friend, regretting it after one look at his saddened face. You crumpled to the ground as all the emotions and thoughts you were trying to push away came rushing to the surface.
You voice lowered to almost a whisper. “Jesus, I have a week”. You looked up at the brothers through blurred vision. “A week. One week and then I’m gone. I’m not going to have another birthday. I’m not going to be there for either one of yours”
You turned to Dean, and a sad smile lifted one corner of your mouth. “I was going to plan a party for you. Everyone was going to be there, I guess now it’s everybody except me”
The two brothers came to sit down with you on the floor, uninterrupting. They knew you needed to let this out. Dean took your hand as you continued, only breaking down further. “I’m not even going down in a hunt! There’s no heroic death, no quick ending. For God’s sake my own body is turning against me! I’m never going to see how you two end up, if you ever quit hunting, if you ever have kids. If you have a family I’ll only ever be a name to them! I’m not going to pig out on Halloween candy with you, Dean. I’m not going to help you make a Thanksgiving dinner. I’m not going to have another Christmas!”
This thought pushed you even further into agony. Christmas had always been your favorite holiday, mainly because you now had a family to celebrate it with. It always made you feel at home, included, like for one day nothing bad would happen. Your eyes widened when you thought of their Christmas without you. They wouldn’t decorate the bunker, or get a tree, or even exchange gifts! You were always the one who did all of that, dragging them along with you, although they later admitted that they liked spending Christmas with you.
“I won’t ever put ornaments on the tree again” your voice was faint now, speaking more to yourself than them. “I’ll never make Sam lift me up to put the star on the tree. Never get to drink hot chocolate as we pass around gifts, or drink too much eggnog with Dean. It’s over. It’s all over. One week left. How many more smiles? How many more laughs, until it’s gone? I promised I’d be there for you, Dean! I promised!” your words cut off in a sob, and then it became uncontrollable. You cried with everything you had in you, and Dean took you in his arms, rubbing your back as you let it out. He picked you up in his arms and placed you in the bed, and for once you were able to sleep, exhausted by your outburst. Dean and Sam spoke for a while, and when you woke up, all of your things were packed, and they looked serious. You looked to them, and conjured up a weak smile
“What, did someone die?” you tried to break the tension.
“We’re all going back to the bunker, (y/n)” Sam said softly.
Your expression changed from teasing to panic. “What? No. No, we’re not going back yet. I still have things to do! We were supposed to go to the zoo today, I can’t afford to waste any time, if you haven’t noticed!”
Dean gave you a hard look as he sighed. “That’s the thing, (y/n), we have noticed. You’re not doing well, we’ve got to go back”
Dean was unwavering in his decision. Sam was a sucker for your puppy eyes, and usually Dean was too, but when it came to what was best for you, he would do whatever it takes. You refused to talk to them as a few tears slid down your cheeks, and you threw your things in the car, sitting in stubborn silence in the back seat.
A/N: I promise (ha, pun not intended) that the next part will be out much sooner! Also tell me what you think <3