It’s 1:58 right now, and it’s summer and you shouldn’t be on my mind and I should hate you for everything you’ve put me through but I simply just can’t seem to help it.
I can’t seem to help the way I love you or the way I think about you when I’m bored at church or how to get you out of my head when I’m trying to listen to my best friend’s problems.
I can’t seem to forget the way you followed me to fifth period the first day you decided to talk to me or how you wave at me in the middle of journalism almost everyday.
I can’t seem to help the fact that I still have old messages you’ve sent me that make my heart hammer when I reread them or when you first hugged me during football practice.
I can’t forget the way you raise your right eyebrow or how your voice cracked after school when you were walking with me and how hard I laughed.
I can’t forget how you bought me tons of chocolates for Valentine’s Day and how you texted me everyday for two weeks straight even though we had absolutely nothing to talk about most of the time.
But you want to know what else I can’t forget?
I can’t seem to forget how you stopped walking me to my car after school or how you would rush to get to lunch instead of waiting for me as always.
I can’t seem to forget how you stopped texting me everyday even though you were the only fucking person I would ever want to text at 2:05 in the morning when I should be asleep but instead I stare at pictures of you.
I can’t seem to forget how you would walk into fifth period and completely ignore me because you decided I was no longer worth your time.
I can’t forget how you forgot me.
It’s 2:09 right now, and there’s no one I’d rather talk and scream at, that’s not you.
But you already f o r g o t m e.
But don’t worry, I’ll forget too.
I promise you, I will.
Even if I have to die trying, I’ll do it.
There’s nothing else I can do…
It’s 2:12 right now, and I can’t forget you, so I’m bleeding out your name.
Bleeding it out until there’s nothing left inside my veins.
Until your name stops scratching my throat.
It’s 2:14 right now, and there’s nothing left of me. My veins are empty. My throat has stopped itching.
It’s 2:18 right now, and I’m closing my eyes, everything hurts.
It’s 2:22 right now and it’s over. I’ve stopped missing you. Everything has stopped too, actually.
My breathing has stopped.
My fingers have stopped.
My heart has stopped…