worrying about things is weird

like infinite time and space surrounding us and we’re like

"oh no i spent too much money on pizza this month"

like having good hair is important but in the grand scheme of things it’s not that important

i mean yes it is but you get the point

I’m not in the best of moods at this particular moment. Why? I’ll TELL YOU WHY

My fuckin fuckboy of a friend thats what.

What is a fuckboy? This post could not explain it better. He’s out of town for college, and thank trucking god for that. But he was back in town for the day and he wanted to go out and eat, which I was not lookin forward too AT ALL, because I knew this racist ass, homophobic ass, squeaky dried up piece of toast lookin piece of shit would do shit, that would put me down.

For starters, he doesn’t laugh at my jokes, he adds onto them to make fun of me at my expense. He makes EVERYTHING SUCK.

Example

Me: So the pizza is 9 inches?

Good Friend: Yes

Me: Alright hold on, lets get a good unit of measurement

*Me pretends to unzip pants and rolls hands in crotch area as if to imply a large elephant dick*

Fuckboy: That’s 3 of Eugenio’s penises

THIS MOTHERFUCKER COULDN’T LET ME HAVE A NICE DICK JOKE. I tried saving it, believe me, I did my fucking hardest.

Me: Well, three inches isn’t bad, I’ll take it.

Fuckboy: Uhhh *voice crack, at the age of 18* YEAH IT IS.

MOTHERFUCKER I JUST WANTED TO MAKE A DICK JOKE I AM SORRY YOU FELT ATTACKED BECAUSE YOU ARE ASHAMED OF YOUR PROBABLY BABY CARROT DICK

Okay, and as I mentioned before, this fucker goes to a university, not even a good one, it’s U of I, it’s like the Beatles of Illinois universities. 

I go to a community college, which is god damn smart because I’m saving thousands of dollars on a piece of fucking paper. AND THIS MOTHERFUCKER needs to put ME AND MY FRIEND DOWN because we’re going to a community college

Fuckboy: Do they even have chilling areas at your college?

UM HI RING RING HELLO YES THIS IS THE PRESIDENT SPEAKING YOU ARE A GIANT PIECE OF OCTOPUS EXCREMENT

By the way, my college does, I mean it literally has all the amenities of your average university, except it doesn’t offer 4 year degrees. Which is what makes it a community college not the fucking Australian outback.

He did and said a whole lot more shit, but I’ve repressed it, as I usually do. One last thing he did was while we were at the party city, he found this thor hammer, and hit me on the head with it, not so hard that I got a concussion, but certainly harder than a friendly bop on the head.

And that is the point I am trying to reach, this kid is not my friend. As far as I can gather from all our interactions, he hates my guts, he despises my successes.

One of my favorite things to do with friends is banter. The banter is meant to be funny. It is never supposed to hurt. A mistake I’ve made right up until now is consider this person a “friend”, because he is everything but. Everything about his words are mean spirited, and I truely feel bad for him, because if he has so much bad to say about everyone he knows

How much bad does he have to say about himself?

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