“Nani? Hey, Nani…” He murmured quietly. His eyes were closed but he was clammy and pale, and sprawled out on his sofa. There was a nearly empty bottle of pills on the low table beside him- his way of dealing with the full moon safely in this crowded world was to take as many sedatives as he could handle, and hope for the best.

“What’re you… you doin’ here?” He asked blearily.

Nani stepped around the clutter to sit on the edge of the soda, her rear just skirting the edge of the cushion. She took Wolf’s hand and squeezed it gently, her other hand going to cup his cheek and brush some of the hair from his sweaty forehead.

“I’m here to take care of you, of course. And I’m not going anywhere anytime soon, so you can’t tell me to leave.”

How neurotypicals think you get a diagnosis:

  • first, you have no idea you are sick at all, you are just a Normal Neurotypical going through life when suddenly you are sent to a therapist (because mentally ill people cannot have anyway of knowing they are ill)
  • you tell the therapist no! i am normal! not crazy at all! but the therapist knows better…
  • you are sent to a clinic or hospital where you speak to seven different psychiatrists, talk about your whole life in detail, have brain scans and are under constant monitoring with wires hooked up to you
  • doctors are pooring over texbooks and consulting other doctors and doing everything they can to find The Perfect Diagnosis
  • now, at last, your doctor returns. he tells you have a mental disorder. you cry a lot because now your life is ruined. the doctors tells you everything Will Be Okay. 
  • You are given a bottle of pills that will make everything better and of course you ALWAYS remember to take them. You are given therapy appointments three times a week with a doctor you trust who believes in you and your experiences and again you ALWAYS remember to go and never miss
  • Because of your special professional diagnosis, you are cured and are now functional in society and will never be bothered by your mental health again!

How I actually got all of my professional diagnoses:

  • “Hey doctor, I’m depressed”
    “Fill out this checklist” … “You have major depressive disorder”
  • “Oh by the way, are you ever anxious?”
    “You have generalized anxiety”
  • “Doctor, I hear voices”
    “Sounds like psychosis to me”
  • “Now my voices are controlling my body” (repeat this times 10 to a hundred different doctors who never believed me)
    “Oh thats dissociative identity disorder”

How I got my self diagnoses

  • Days/weeks/months/YEARS of research
  • Scholarly articles and peer reviewed scientific journals
  • Talking one on one with people who are diagnossed with it
  • Soul searching and trying to understand myself
  • Fighting myself on if I’m right
  • Cross examining the symptoms with other disorders I have
  • Finally settling in that I have this disorder and finding self help for it

Plans for the night.  Don’t care if you have a problem with it

  1. 10 mg’s Klonopin (Clonazepam)
  2. 300 mg’s Vistaril (Hydroxizine)
  3. 20 mg’s Hydrocodone
  4. 50 mg’s Butalbital
  5. 40 mg’s Caffeine unless I choose to take straight caffeine as well.

Jean ShinChemical Balance, 2005-2009.

To create this work, thousands of empty prescription pill bottles were collected from nursing homes, pharmacies and individuals’ medicine cabinets. Like stalactites and stalagmites, the constructions hang down from above and grow upwards from the floor below. Chemical Balance speaks to our culture’s over-consumption of prescription drugs and our bodies’ dependency on these medications. The piece acts like a group portrait, mapping our society’s chemical intake. The illuminated structures radiate with an intense orange glow, suggesting that issues of health reach far beyond the physical.

From an April 2009 story in The New York Times, I like this description of her work:

She has very particular criteria for the salvaged materials she uses in her work: that something is “cast off from a person’s life because its desirability and usefulness are questioned, that it in some way archives a personal history but also can speak to larger issues going on in our culture.”

 “And then,” she added, “can I deconstruct it and make it new?”

Related: Earlier post about her work.

Morals of the story
  • Everyone gets called a whore on the interwebs
  • It’s ok to make fun of gays, ‘cause they really are gay
  • Your best friend will say you have an std behind your back
  • But it’s for your own good!
  • Men are jerks :(
  • It’s ok to leave your friend when she needs you the most just say “lol sorry”
  • Talking to bullys makes them stop
  • Pill bottles are hard to open