phalli

Wax Syrup Sticks

Description. A wax tube of circus-colored corn syrup is one of the pleasures or activities of childhood that simply does not translate to adult life. It is constituted entirely of sugar, adulterated with chemicals, and it is a messy and disappointing hassle to consume. Children have rabid sweet teeth, plenty of free time, and no involvement with dry cleaning or at-home stain removal; slurping blue sugar water out of a tiny wax phallus does not strike them as inappropriate.

Adults, on the other hand, have absolutely no reason to associate with the Wax Syrup Stick and its terrifying array of food dyes. Our tester tried every possible mode of consumption, in search of the one that would not ikat her clothing with a Yellow 6 Rorschach series, and her notepad at the end of this failed endeavor looked like the NORAD screen during the missile-code sequence in WarGames: incisor shear, molar shear, scissor and knife incisions, manual snap, pinhole, supra-sink, bib method, spoon edge, gravity press.

And for what, she wondered after changing her shirt. For a taste experience she could replicate by licking an IKEA Tindra.

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6

Saturday 14th May

Pasta and Phalli

One week and a few hours after my last disastrous trip to Madrid, I braved up and met Murray for another excursion. When we left VCan it was pretty muggy, but soon the weather took a turn for the worse. With Murray’s vouchers we had a bit of a feast with the King (of Burgers), before heading to our favourite haunt - The Dubliners Irish pub.

The occasion? The second half of the FA Cup final between Manchester City and Stoke City. I had a dilemma because my Dad and a number of friends are life-long Man City fans, whilst Mum’s friend Dianne is a die-hard Stoke City fan. Neither side has had much success of late, although Man City are on the up what with their rich owners. I didn’t want either of them to lose particularly, but in the end I decided I would be supporting….City.

Yaya Toure’s goal 15 minutes from time eventually broke the deadlock, and I think on the balance of play Man City did deserve the win. I was pleased for Roberto Mancini because I think he’s a cool dude, and pleased for the players because with the odd exception they’ve got a good attitude to go with their price tag. Gutted for Stoke and their fans, but they’ve got themselves into the Europa League next season so I’m quite looking forward to seeing them rough up some of Europe’s elite also-rans.

It was still a few hours until we’d arranged to meet other people, so I suggested we take a wander to the Reina Sofia museum/gallery. Mainly because it was dry, and happened to be free on Saturdays after 2pm. We’d already seen the Picasso exhibition and the War exhibition, so we stuck to the ground floor where there was an exhibition by an artist called Yayoi Kasuma.

Our first impressions were that her art was inspired by the body, particularly cells and microscopic images. The use of colour was very vivid and striking and I actually quite liked the art (to look at, not to spend thousands of pounds on to have on the wall of your downstairs toilet). However, as we moved through the rooms it turned out Kawasaki was really interested in pasta, and the phallic form. There was furniture covered in phalli, clothes made out of pasta, household items sprouting phalli, more clothes made of pasta, magazine cuttings of her letting young people run around in the nuddy and calling it art. I was looking at one of these said ‘artworks’ when one of the curator people came over and asked me not to lean on the glass. My hand was in fact resting on the glass, the lady next to me was leaning. I think her low neck-line compensated for her misdemeanor though and she got away with it.

Ding Dong (Hot & Spicy)

Description. Ding Dong is, if not the most cluelessly branded in the field of Asian snack mixes, definitely in the top three. Nor does it help itself with its unappetizing visual presentation, a sickly hybrid of small-batch dog kibble and institutional succotash.

Packaging/Branding. For starters, “Dong.” Also, “mixed nuts.” (Pornographic and inaccurate: Ding Dong contains only one nut, the peanut, and a meager supply at that.) Furthermore, “cracker nuts”; “enjoy your munching”; and the mysterious “cornick.” Our researchers have failed to discover whether “cornick” is a real word, but the JBC Food Corp. appears to have snigletted a word for the substance from which Corn Nuts are made. We had to wonder why they didn’t also coin a synonym for fava beans, given their unfortunate associations with charismatic pop-culture cannibalism.

The packaging also features a Keeblerian troll daydreaming under a mushroom cap. His ear is the same size as his hand. We give up.

Flavor Profile. Standard and inoffensive, but again, the packaging misspeaks; the only “spice” on offer is salt, and plenty of it (10% of the RDA, compliments of a third of a 3.5-oz bag).

Habitat. The break room at a swingers’ club; regional airports.

Field Notes. Submitted by Dr. Barkenbush of the Bay Area collection team.

Revulsion Scale: 8

Bangers and Mash

A few things leap out at me here. but lets get the information out the way:

  1. Bangers are sausages
  2. Mash is potato

Now i’ve answered all your questions (which you managed to send to me prior to me posting this - pushy!) lets get to the meat of the matter.

That’s a terrible photo. Black borders at the top and the bottom are bad, that’s not in question dear reader. No, the main issue here is that i can’t see what it is on the fork - Rahman, what were you thinking?

Not only that, but it’s very difficult to see the food in the background and not see three dismembered phalli. I’m beginning to think Rahman’s not bad a photography, and rather, he’s brilliant at it, and his making an artistic statement on the struggle between man’s competing needs for nourishment and that constant battle between the needs of the stomach, and the lust of the loin. This incidentally leads me to note no one’s made anything with pork loin yet - I very much look forward to that day!

Overall, from what i can see - mash with gravy and peas - like it a lot -sausages, can’t really go wrong - photography - must do better.

" Yayoi Kusama is perhaps Japan’s best - known living artist.Most of her works has an almost hallucinatory intensity that refers her unique vision of the world."

" Kusama covered the surfaces of a range of domestic objects such as furniture, clothing and accessories with stuffed fabric phalli."

TATE modern.London.02/10/12

me writing an essay about bakhtin & lacan

phallis

heteroglossia

centripetal forces

i hate you jacques lacan (this is also in my essay)