Day #134 with leukemia

just a quick update. my blood values are finally starting to look good and i went to the hospital to take another bone marrow test today (damn that shit hurts). if everything’s okay i’ll start my fourth and last chemo on tuesday. i’m not looking forward to it (obviously) but i’ll be glad to get it out of the way so i can finally start my recovery.

a stem cell transplantation is also on its way. i’ll tell you more about it once it’s one hundred percent in the clear. i won’t get the transplantation until the end of march at the earliest anyway.

Today I gently gently started to run again, 3km around a track, after 2 weeks of being injured.

I’m doing this slowly and wisely. And actually, in a weird way, I’m thankful for this pause. Mostly because it was explodingly difficult to not have a body with working legs. I take my body for granted. I expect it - for always and always - to know about running down a hill in the wind. And jumping. And waking up without thought.

It’s useful to find reminders that…(yes, it’s been said before) that really, in every way, we aren’t entitled to ANY days. That all of them are gifts.

So I’ve never played far cry 4 and so I decided that alright I’m gonna watch a play through of it and I love pagan min so much already??? I fell in love within 5 seconds

Tw depression. Not in my usual positive and happy mood so yeah.

Just had a cry. I tried to be quiet so my parents wouldn’t hear me. Not comfort ate at least.


I forgot to do FMLS90 yesterday! And I just fell back asleep so I’ve missed 2 lectures but it’s ok, I’m gonna go to the rest and my friend said I can look at her notes thankfully.

I have clinic again tonight so I’m in uni until 9.30pm. Can’t wait for today to be over!

Tfw you take ages to get ready and when youre finallu ready the persom that was waiting on your isnt fucking ready

So fucking retarded
I did it again
I actually believe things were getting better
My mom like the amazing persom that she is showed me how wrong and worthless i am.
Liar. Stupid me.
So many pills. A pretty belt
And fuck the reality.
I want to be gone