perceptivehope

makeyoumylover asked:

dear: bestfriend, ex bestfriend, mum, dad, past me, person i'm jealous of

dear best friend:
you are not one particular person, but a collective i like to think. thank you. for knowing me like no one else does. calling me out on my crap. being there for me and understanding. i would not be where i am without you. you lift me up and make me want to be better and you help me realise i can be. you make me laugh until i cry. and cry until i laugh. i hope i do all the same for you. 

dear ex best friend:
i know what happened here and yet i’m not entirely sure. there was a breakdown of communication and we were really young and dumb. basically i hope you’re well and i still think of you sometimes. I hope you don’t hate me. that’s all i really wanted. for you not to hate me. 

dear mum:
i love you a lot. you laugh at my overdramaticness and give tough advice. You never sugar coat anything and you’re actually a super emotionally strong woman who hides her emotions. There’s a lot i don’t know about you but i like the moments when you tell us stories and you let us in a bit. When you laugh and smile and pretend to listen to me. I like how sometimes you buy me something secretly that i’ve been talking about for ages and you pretend you never will buy it. you’re tough. on me and tough for the world. I like that. I want to be as strong as that. 

dear dad: 
we fight a lot and argue and you and i both say a lot of things we don’t mean. there are a lot of ups and downs, and you have very high expectations of me. you take a lot of your anger out on me. i’m scared of disappointing you. but despite everything, i see how hard you work. You work such long hours day in and day out, you come home looking tired and weary and i can see it on your face that you’ve aged so much in the past year. times have been tough. but you push through and i know that you work so hard for us. you work so so hard and i want to be as hard working as you are. I appreciate that. and i love you. 

dear past me:
you’re going to experience a lot, and you’re not going to like a lot of it. but you’ll come out stronger. the thing is things won’t get better. you get stronger, you learn how to deal with it. you’ll become more positive. and although saying something like ‘things won’t get better’ may sound negative, it’s not. it’s a realistic fact of life. once you overcome one thing, life is just going to throw you another curveball. it’s the beauty of growing and changing, developing yourself, knowing that you can get through it. because you never gave up even though you said you would. you thought things were hard, they’ll get harder. the things you think you want, might actually be the furthest away from what you need at all. the greatest things you’ll experience are these tiny moments, with friends, with family, with your dog, when you realise how great and special these things are. you don’t need a huge moment. you make your small ones count. and when you’re feeling like your problems are getting too big, just remember “i am grounded, i am humble, i am one with everything.” and “i am just a speck of dust inside a giants eye, and i don’t want to make her cry." 

dear person i’m jealous of:
again, a collective. but you have what i want. and i guess it’s useless being jealous because feeling jealous won’t give me what i want that you have. I have to accept my situation. I have to learn that some things i cannot change. And I am trying so very hard at this point in my life to change the things i can. It may or may not work out. I’m scared you’ll see me fall. But trying to separate myself from your life and who you are is difficult. I need to stop comparing. it’s unhealthy. it’s tough to do so. but i am trying very hard and that has to count for something. I hope that this jealousy and envy will go away. it’s ugly and eating away inside of me. makes me realise i’m not as great of a human being as i’d hope. i know i can become better and shake your hand and realise our paths are different.